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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that partners baby's Mother is getten their baby Christened the weekend were getting Married?

300 replies

19111990 · 06/10/2011 20:21

Well me and my partner are getting married in 5 weeks. His baby mum knows this and decided to do the christing the same weekend.

Her problem is the fact he didnt tell him and she had to find out from someone else, so when she found out about this she decided to do the christening the same weekend. She is doing it out of spite in my opion. another problem is me and her dont get along so we dont speak. The reason he never told him himself is because he dont want to speak to her unless it is to do with the baby.

I am on two minds on putting the wedding back! The poeple i have spoke to about it tell me I shouldnt put it back because that will be giving her what she want's. Ijust dont to be making thing's worst between them two and dont want him missing out on the baby's Christening!

Any advice on what i should do about it please?

OP posts:
ClarenceDarrow · 06/10/2011 23:51

Jaysus.

aviatrix · 07/10/2011 00:10

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zipzap · 07/10/2011 00:11

Another vote for speaking to the vicar as soon as you find out details (is there one that she is likely to use?) and say that wedding has been arranged a long time, ex is doing this to spite you, that dh really wants to be present at the christening but obviously can't and also that you'd arranged for dc to be present at the wedding.

Also say - if he lets ex go ahead with christening - that it is important to dh to be present at his dc's christening then he would like him to be christened a second time so he can be present and so can his side of the family. Might concentrate the mind of the vicar. Or if he will carry on with the christening without your dh - is there anybody that you can complain to (bishop's office?) in advance and say that you object to your child being christened? Are they allowed to do it if one parent says yes but one says no? Especially if the parent is saying no because they want it to be done on a mutually agreeable date...

Plus are there any mutual friends out there that you can get on side to point out how stupid she is being?

SamMiguel · 07/10/2011 00:22

The use of baby for an older child is also used in some English regions (eg.Merseyside) and besides which, why does it matter? She clarified the age and the time they had been together. Why snipe?

reelingintheyears · 07/10/2011 00:26

I'm with SamMiguel on this.

MeMySonAndI · 07/10/2011 00:33

You have planned and paid for the wedding since 6 m ago, IMO it is far easier to re schedule a christening that has just been booked. Children come first but she is obviously doing it out of spite.

Children, specially young ones, don't care about these things, if she insists on not changing the date I would say she isbeing bloody more unreasonable than you even if you were the other woman. She is making a victim out of herself, which is ridiculous considering you have been together for 2 years.

SamMiguel · 07/10/2011 00:33

Thank goodness for that reeling, I thought I was going mad!

reelingintheyears · 07/10/2011 00:39

We had old friends from Wales stay with us when DS2 was small....about 3 years old...and we still laugh (nicely i might add) about how the younger DD would say 'mind the baby' in her lovely Welsh accent.

splashymcsplash · 07/10/2011 00:41

So a 25 year old man got a 17 year old girl pregnant. Doesn't sound great really.

reelingintheyears · 07/10/2011 00:42

And whether or not the ex is doing it out of spite i would put the wedding back so DP (and you) can go to the Christening.

No biggie really.

(And you're the better person for putting the child first).

PessimisticMissPiggy · 07/10/2011 00:45

Is anyone else dying to point out "he dont" should be "he doesn't"? I feel awful for caring more about that than the OP...

SamMiguel · 07/10/2011 00:47

Pessimistic, no, we aren't.

cantspel · 07/10/2011 01:02

this thread is making my brain hurt.

The op states the christening is to be on the same day as the wedding a sunday. But she also says she is having a registry office wedding she booked a year ago. Well as no registry offices are open on sundays how can she have booked it over a year ago?

You can get married on a sunday but not in a registry office.

Original poster
19111990 · 07/10/2011 01:03

splashymcsplash.... haha... she lied about her age he didnt find out till the hospital appointments.

PessimisticMissPiggy.. why comment?? Like i said am not great with grammer, but i aint really interested in youre opion, lets face facts... its nothing useful :)

zipzap.... she hasnt said were she is planning to have the christening, she
just said she will let him know closer to the time what church and were it is held.

SamMiguel... were i am from people do call their children 'our baby' and other people's kids under the age of about 6 'the baby' haha! But like you said i did say how old she was and i also pointed out how long i have been with my partner.

and i am not the other woman haha, my partner and his ex was over when me and him got together.

OP posts:
iscream · 07/10/2011 01:04

I would go ahead and get married as planned. They are not a couple, and why should he bother to go to this when he avoids his ex, and this christening is meaningless to him anyways, plus he already has planned to marry on that day?

She planned it that day on purpose to be spiteful. I bet she doesn't even go through with it.

If he could be bothered, your dh could get her christened on a day that he has her, two can play at that game. After all, Christening is easy, party afterwards is not needed.

Original poster
19111990 · 07/10/2011 01:04

cantspel I think you will find you can get married on a Sunday... clearly because i am :)

OP posts:
cantspel · 07/10/2011 01:06

You can get married on a sunday in a licensed venue or a church but as a registry office isn't open on a sunday i fail to see how you can get married in one.

where are you getting married?

Original poster
19111990 · 07/10/2011 01:07

Yes you can only difference from a week day it cost's more haha!

OP posts:
Original poster
19111990 · 07/10/2011 01:11

iscream... yes he had the wedding planned on this day for a while, i dont think he will do it when he has got his daughter because he dont see the point in it.

OP posts:
iscream · 07/10/2011 01:28

I hope you don't dwell on it, you are not being unreasonable to carry on with your planned day at all. Hope your day is wonderful!

Original poster
19111990 · 07/10/2011 01:34

thank you :) Just annoying the fact she is being spiteful because its ment to be one of the best days of my life.... and it will be :) thanks for all the good advice guys :D

OP posts:
MaryPoppinsMagic · 07/10/2011 07:10

Op are you english or from another country? Just wondering with the way you write your posts.

Also has noone else done the maths and found it all a bit suspicious?

incognitofornow · 07/10/2011 07:27

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incognitofornow · 07/10/2011 07:29

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StewieGriffinsMom · 07/10/2011 07:35

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