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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that partners baby's Mother is getten their baby Christened the weekend were getting Married?

300 replies

19111990 · 06/10/2011 20:21

Well me and my partner are getting married in 5 weeks. His baby mum knows this and decided to do the christing the same weekend.

Her problem is the fact he didnt tell him and she had to find out from someone else, so when she found out about this she decided to do the christening the same weekend. She is doing it out of spite in my opion. another problem is me and her dont get along so we dont speak. The reason he never told him himself is because he dont want to speak to her unless it is to do with the baby.

I am on two minds on putting the wedding back! The poeple i have spoke to about it tell me I shouldnt put it back because that will be giving her what she want's. Ijust dont to be making thing's worst between them two and dont want him missing out on the baby's Christening!

Any advice on what i should do about it please?

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 06/10/2011 20:24

I'd put the wedding back. Purely due to the fact that if he has a baby with somebody else the relationship cant be that old to even contemplate getting married.

If he's religious he wont want to miss the christening.

fluffystabby · 06/10/2011 20:26

How old is the baby?

aldiwhore · 06/10/2011 20:26

Its really up to you, but forget that 'its just giving her what she wants' rubbish, even if its true, this is about the baby, the wedding is about you.

Baby comes first.

I think I must be feeling a little Mary Whitehouse but it all seems terribly rushed, maybe wait until his baby is a little older before you commit? See how the parenting goes... I am probably being VU and judgey pants, sorry.

Even if your partner's baby's mum IS a spiteful cow, as the baby is still a baby, and if your partner wants to be at the Christening, and because it isn't entirely ALL her fault regarding the timing, be gracious this time round, and move the wedding if you can.

MollyintheMoon · 06/10/2011 20:27

If it is still possible to put your wedding back I would do that. I don't think either if you could enjoy it knowing DP is missing his baby's christening.

LydiaWickham · 06/10/2011 20:27

Find out which day of the weekend - I assume you're getting married on the Saturday right? Well, most churches hold Christenings as part of the main sunday service or just after. If it's on the Sunday, well how lovely, you get to have your wedding then go as a married couple to the Christening and then go on the honeymoon the day after.

MrsHuxtable · 06/10/2011 20:27

What Happy said!

TurkeyBurgerThing · 06/10/2011 20:28

That sounds like a tricky situation. I guess you can't have been together that long and getting married after the other woman has had your OH's baby is probably making her feel a bit odd.

I don't think YABU to put the wedding back if it's not been a big white wedding.

Difficult to comment honestly withouth knowing the full situation!

spiderslegs · 06/10/2011 20:28

YABVU to marry a man who's just had a baby with another woman.

Unless she's getting a toddler Christened in which case she is BU.

ScaredBear · 06/10/2011 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roseflower · 06/10/2011 20:30

Can you let us know more about the full situation with your realtionship?

Lulumama · 06/10/2011 20:37

you should not be rushing into marriage with a man who's just had a baby with somoene else

if you do, then you should ensure the wedding does not clash with the christening, his first obligation is to the baby

Lulumama · 06/10/2011 20:38

does she not like you becasue you had an affair with her partner?

notso · 06/10/2011 20:38

How old is the baby?
How long have you been together?
How long were they together?

PattySimcox · 06/10/2011 20:40

what lulumama said

LydiaWickham · 06/10/2011 20:41

BTW - if you are marrying someone who already is a father, you have to accept you will never be the most important person in his life, that would be his child - forever. If he doesn't think his child is the most important person in his life, he's a fuckwit and I wouldn't waste my time with a man like that.

SweatyBettyLikesItOnTheSettee · 06/10/2011 20:41

It sounds mean but i think you'll just have to bite the bullet and put your wedding back.

And don't tell her the new date!

gordyslovesheep · 06/10/2011 20:42

You husband to be sounds like a prince amongst men

RhinoKey · 06/10/2011 20:47

How old is the baby??

notso · 06/10/2011 20:50

It might not be all bad.
My very good friend has been with her husband for 13 years but he has an 12yo DC. They got over it and have a really happy relationship, the mother of the child and her new partner went to their wedding four years ago.
We need to know the facts though OP.

spottypancake · 06/10/2011 20:56

Yes, I think more facts are needed because on the face of it, it seems odd to be getting married to someone who has recently had a baby with someone else.

That said, presuming you are satisfied that you are making the right decision getting married either so soon in a relationship or so soon after an episode of cheating then what you could do is to put your wedding forward a week. Then you'll be married AND your DP can go to the Christening. Then the baby's mother isn't getting one over on you/what she wants.

Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 20:56

well i have been with my partner comin upto 2 years his baby is two and a half they broke up before she found out she was pregnant.

The only problem about putting the wedding back is everything is booked and paid for.

My OH is not religious and neither is she. She hasnt never mentioned getting the baby Christend untill she found out we were getting married. thats were the spitefull part come into it. My other half also tell's me that if we do put the wedding back, on our future date she will come up with something else.

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 06/10/2011 20:56

Come on OP, you're not telling us the full story. You're the other woman aren't you? In which case, karma's a bitch ain't it!

aldiwhore · 06/10/2011 20:59

Ah right so the 'baby' isn't a baby at all... that does kinda put a different spin on the whole thing.

(And even if you were the other woman, they're not all evil you know)

If your other half had told his ex about the wedding with loads of notice AND THEN she'd booked the Christening, yep that would be spiteful. But there's faults on both sides, so maybe (if you can) offer to postpone the wedding, or speak to his ex (if you can) to see if there's a way you can do both?

What day are you due to be married, and is it the same day as the wedding? If its the same weekend I think actually that could be very lovely.

diggingintheribs · 06/10/2011 21:00

Did you pick a weekend you normally have the child? Do you have access etc all sorted?

If not, sounds like you need to see a solicitor

people are being harsh because you said baby when really you should have said toddler!

Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 21:01

and no me and my partner wasnt cheating on her and the new baby.... she is two and a half.

I aslo know i will never be number one in his life as i have a 3 year old and i know youre kids come first :/

OP posts:
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