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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help me not to send a ranty text to dh - or should I send one?

20 replies

lecce · 01/10/2011 20:06

Background - 2 dc, ds2 (2.2) has never slept through, I still bf during the night. I am f/t teacher and exhausted, dh is a sahd. Dh has ms though (thankfully) not seriously affected by this at the moment - you would not know he had an illness- of course this could change at any time. As a result of the illness, I do all of the nighttime business with ds 2 as I am terrified that dh could get overtired and become seriously ill.

Dh does most of the housework as well as looking after ds2 during the day (ds1 just started reception.) On Friday dh went away for the weekend to visit a friend. He is due back tomorrow mid-afternoon. He left the house in a bit of a state (it always is by Friday but we would normally tackle it together - though he would do the bulk of it). He left as soon as I got in on Friday. Ds was awake at 8.30, 12, 4 and up for the day at 6.

Now he won't go to sleep. We have been to classes etc in the morning, I have spent the afternoon cleaning as the place was such a shit-hole. Ds2 is now screaming his head off. I've had no tea - I know I should have had what they had but was too hot too eat at 5. He won 't fucking sleep. I've had to come out of the bedroom and leave him crying - we never do this.

I am on the verge of sending dh a text along the lines of "thanks so much for leaving me with this etx" and with lots of swearing. I suppose this would be a bad move would it?

OP posts:

AuntieMonica · 01/10/2011 20:09

make a or have a glass of and leave anything undone until morning

this heat is enough to upset anyone - don't think it's DH's fault tbh

WilsonFrickett · 01/10/2011 20:09

He hasn't done anything wrong... so I don't think a ranty text is called for unfortunately. But sorry you've had a rough day. Can't you leave the cleaning till tomorrow, when DH is back?

And maybe renegotiate some of your night time duties, could he do one or two nights a week maybe?

Flame me if it'll make you feel better, I have wine so I won't care

troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 20:10

ds2 (2.2) has never slept through, I still bf during the night

why make a rod for your own back?

Maternelle · 01/10/2011 20:12

Don't do it. I would be very tempted in your shoes but it's not his fault!

GalaxyWeaver · 01/10/2011 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GobbyCah · 01/10/2011 20:12

Yes. It wont solve your immediate problem, which is a fractious, crying child. it will just add 'pissed off husband' to your list of Things To Be Fucked Off About'.
Will he breastfeed to sleep? Could you just lie down with him and feed him while snoozing yourself? Or if all else fails, stick him on sofa in front of kid's DVD so you can have a cuppa/wine/snooze etc yourself?

By any means necessary for tonight, but I woudn't start ranting at your DH now. You'll get a few seconds of relief, the probably more headache.

If you feel like you are doing too much / can't cope, schedule in a proper conversation about it later in the week over dinner.

Best of luck. I remember the 'non-sleeping toddler' phase like it was yesterday

GobbyCah · 01/10/2011 20:13

it would be a bad move, sorry

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/10/2011 20:14

bad move

alistron1 · 01/10/2011 20:14

I wouldn't send that text. I'd write it and then delete it YANBU to be pissed off, over tired toddlers who don't sleep are hellish.

It does get better though, honestly it does.

Rant away on here, I have a DS (he is 12) who didn't sleep until he was 3. I worked and had 2 other DC's... it was the toughest time of my life.

pozzled · 01/10/2011 20:14

It would be a very bad move. It isn't your DH's fault that DS2 won't sleep, or that you couldn't eat as it was too hot. Or that he has MS and can't help with the night feeds.

You've had a crap day, you must be exhausted from the lack of sleep with your work (as a teacher too I know what it's like).By all means have a rant on here. But take a step back- your DH left the house in a bit more of a mess than you'd like, that's all. He probably had a crap week too.

Smile sweetly when he comes home and remind him that it's now your turn for a weekend off.

Hope your weekend gets better from now on.

EricNorthmansMistress · 01/10/2011 20:16

No you shouldn't send him a blaming text but feel free to rant in a 'sharing the load' kind of way...

I know it's horrible when they won't go to sleep - but I really have to say that you need to sort out the night time thing if you want to sleep normally again. If you stopped night feeds and did some gentle sleep training you should be able to get the 2yo to sleep through. I wouldn't put up with three wakings a night from a 2yo TBH.

squeakytoy · 01/10/2011 20:17

How is any of it your husbands fault?

I know this will get to the usual bf vs ff debate.. but if you are working all day, and he is at home all day, why do you not express milk so he can do a night feed, although I would expect a 2yo to be sleeping through the night anyway. Being sleep deprived is doing you more harm than a bottle would do to your child at the age of 2.

marriedinwhite · 01/10/2011 20:18

I think you are knackered, you have two small children, you have a husband who has a serious illness, you have a demanding job and life at your stage is hard enough anyway. I don't suppose DH feels that great about it all either. Don't think the ranty text will help - well it might but send it to me as a pm to get it out of your system but don't send it to Dh - you will both end up upset and you, he and the dc will have any even more crap day tomorrow. Cup of tea, bubbly bath, glass of wine. Old fashioned advice and I will get a flaming but it won't do ds any harm to cry himself to sleep - shut the door, deep breath, light a candle and relax for half an hour. Don't upset the apple cart - esp as ds might have a sore ear or something and it hasn't quite manifested itself yet.

Big big hugs. Have just had blazing row with my DS and he's stormed out to see his mates and slammed the door - wish he was little enough to leave wailing in bed !

Groovee · 01/10/2011 20:19

Ahhh children who won't sleep are pains. DD is 11 and is a nightmare sometimes too. Ds didn't sleep until he was 3 and a half so you have my sympathies.

Original poster

lecce · 01/10/2011 20:20

Thank you all - I know you're right so no text. Ds2 has just gone to sleep - rocked hiim for a couple of minutes and he was gone. Tried that earlier and no joy - I suppose the heat isn't helping.

Believe me, we tried to sort out his sleep during the summer and it didn't work. some gentle sleep training you should be able to get the 2yo to sleep through Yeah, right. That's what I thought. 6 weeks later, I admitted defeat. I'm not a totally incompetent parent, ds1 has gone to bed with no roblem at 7pm since he was 8 months old and has slept through since he turned 2. What have I done wrong this time? No idea.

OP posts:

poppycat04 · 01/10/2011 20:22

Don't send the text. It would only make you feel better for about 30 secs, plus your DH will feel bad for going and worry about you.
It also isn't his fault.
What you need to do is prioritise yourself right now. Get something to eat / drink, take 5 mins to cool down. Then do whatever you need to do to survive. Bring your DS down, cuddle on the sofa, watch a DVD...
Good luck

fortyplus · 01/10/2011 20:23

Why not send a text along the lines of 'ds2 is driving me nuts he just won't sleep - i feel like a rant so send me something to make me smile instead! xx'

LunaticFringe · 01/10/2011 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CristinadellaPizza · 01/10/2011 20:26

You haven't done anything wrong - DS was a dreadful, dreadful sleeper until he was about 3 and now he's an absolute dream. But god I remember the days when he was that age and I had a ft job and it made me want to scream.

Please leave the house tomorrow. It's such a lovely day - can you get out somewhere and do something with the kids where they can play and you can relax?

Go to bed now, while the going is good! Have a sandwich for dinner

marriedinwhite · 01/10/2011 20:28

You haven't done anything wrong they are all different. Our DS slept thorugh the night from 10.30 - 5.30 at 5 weeks old. He has never needed any more sleep than that - we tried and tried and tried and eventually when we decided to go with the flow and accept him for himself life got much easier. The training to put him down at 7.30/8 just meant he was up for two to three hours in the night absolutely hyper. The upside was that he was bright, inquisitive, intelligent with an active brain and tons and tons of stamina. Academically he's a lazy so and so but still brought home 9A*s last summer - let me down a bit with the 3 As though!!

DD was a sleeper. They both had really bad nights though with ear infection after ear infection and I am always cautious about that being the reason to keep them awake. Fed DD until she was 2 and the nights got much much better when I stopped even though the stopping was horrid - you could give it a go a few days before Xmas and try to get it over with over the holidays.

Love and hugs and best wishes for a better day tomorrow.

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