discussing a job

[livinginaparadise]

My husband got contract job offer recently and has discussed his job with me over a week whether he will go to contract. He told me he said to the agency ''I need to speak to my wife to make a decision'

He repected my thinking and he wouldnt go to contract if I didnt want to.
And I realised he discussed his job with his mum when he had a chance to visit his parent's a week ago. He said yesterday after we made a decision he discussed this matter with this mum and her thinking was same as me. I dont think her opinion influenced him because he more wanted to go contacting while we were discussing. My decision was to stay permanent. And our final decision was made so. But I wasnt happy that he discussed his job with his mum because it's our matter.

Do you think it's reasonable if your husband discusses his job with his mum too?

He was probably trying to speak to various close people with differing views to either deepen his convictions or to see if there was another way he hadn't seen.

Why should people stop talking to their mothers when they marry? Obviously as a wife myself, I want to feel very much part of a team with my DH, but were his mum still around, I would expect him to discuss his life with her, of course I would.

He's known her all his life and if she has any useful advice why the hell not ask her views?

If it's a big decision though, surely he's just canvassing opinions from someone else to get a different perspective.

Sometimes it tricky to see the wood from the trees. You and he had pretty much made your decision, he just wanted to make sure that he hadn't missed anything.

That's how I'd see it if my DH did it. He would discuss with his parents though, because they just operate on a different level to him. I can imagine him discussing it with friends whose opinion he trusts/values though.

And you might be his wife, but she's still his mum.

I think YABU, sometimes you have to consider all the angles. I imagine from your point of view you will largely be looking at his job in terms of stability + financial security, whereas his mum is more likely to consider his long term prospects.

Both are important to consider.

However, if there were indepth financial discussions going on I would be less about that as in my opinion, family finances are private.

Yes, i still discuss matters with my parents. And PIL's too.

When we bought our house we asked for their opinion.

My adult DD asks my advice and my sisters. We are both professionals with very balanced views and can usually give very 'what if' senarios. At first my son in law didn't like this but came to realise that we would only give advice that was in there best interests.

It depends on how much you trust in your MIL, in all ways. I would have always asked my FIL (now passed) opinion and took it on board. Where as i wouldn't bother to consult my DM, as she is an idiot.