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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hurting for my child

24 replies

doomedtopoverty · 28/09/2011 12:29

My dd applied for a job that advertised "pay negotiable". During the interview she asked about the pay and was told £6. After the interview, she phoned me with her good news. But I explained to her that at that rate she was going to be worse off. Basically £6 per hr=£198.42 weekly net. The cheapest after school care is £8.50 for 2.5hr= £42.50 a week. Her rent + council tax = £150 weekly. Her transport is £15 a week.

She currently have a PA due to her disabililty, she will have to pay for the PA as her earnings will be more than £5000 (even though she won't have any savings). She agreed and turned down the job as they wouldn't increase the pay rate. Its been several days but I still keep on bursting in tears because I feel my dd is doomed to poverty. She has a BSc and yet can't get a decent job because they want "people with experience ". But how is she going to be "experienced" if no one is giving her a chance.

There's no family member to help as we are all scattered all over the world. All the family members have asked her to relocate to a country where there's some family members so we can help her but she refused because of her child's education (yr2) and she doesn't want to loose her home (x council house now HA). The schoold agreed to hold gdd place for a year and if she didn't return they would then give away. During that year gdd would have to submit her work online to the teacher.

I can't imagine how she feels because as her mother, her suffering is tearing my heart.

AIBU to be crying for my child's pain. And how do I help her?

OP posts:
HenriettaFarthingay · 28/09/2011 12:31

doomed I don't know what to say to help you, but I can tell you that you are definitely NBU in crying for your child's pain. I would feel the same, and I do, when something hurts my adult children or my grandchildren.

Callisto · 28/09/2011 12:33

She is in the same boat as loads of graduates. Can she do some voluntary work in her field to try and build up experience and contacts? I think now more than ever it is vital to network and use this network of people to find out about opportunities.

Which countries is she able to relocate to? State education in this country is not particularly good compared to many other places.

Original poster
doomedtopoverty · 28/09/2011 12:33

Thank you Henrietta

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 28/09/2011 12:34

isn;t she entitled to child tax credit and working tax credit? I know it wowuld pay me to work as the working tax credit kicks in.

Kewcumber · 28/09/2011 12:36

working tax credit is supposed to ensure that you are never better off on benefits than working.

rhondajean · 28/09/2011 12:36

Did you check out her tax credit entitlements? She will be entitled to working tax credit because of her disability I would imagine, and also possibly child tax credit. It makes a massive difference to what you take home.

CAB should be able to do better off calculations for her and work out what she would need to be earning to be better off financially. Theres a possibility she might also still get some housing and council tax benefit.

I really hope she gets it sorted, Im assuming shes on her own from the wayyou wrote the post, shes obviously very bright and go ahead but make sure shes fully informed from here on in.

Original poster
doomedtopoverty · 28/09/2011 12:37

She does voluntary work but in admin. With regards to working tax credit I will ask her to contact them.

OP posts:
AKMD · 28/09/2011 12:37

For a start, stop telling her to turn down jobs. It is unreasonable for you to expect her to be able to get a fantastic job when she has no experience and, by the sounds of it, has never been in the job market. Most people get experience by starting with something, anything, and working up from there. Quite a few do it by gettign unpaid work experience. I did and it is tough but 3 years on from getting a very junior admin job at a recruitment agency I am now in a field I love (completely unrelated to recruitment!) and have excellent career prospects. Unless she's on a graduate scheme, your daughter's BSc will only mean much once she has the real-life transferrable skills gained in a workplace to go with it. The hardest place to find a job is from outside the jobs market. once you're in, you have a toe-hold, can network and get where you want to go.

If there are lots of people willing to help her, are any of you in a position to offer financial support so that she can afford to work? The last thing you want is for her to spend a lifetimes subsistig on benefits so stop dragging her down.

FabbyChic · 28/09/2011 12:38

She will get child tax credits/working tax credits/housing benefit.

She won't be worse off at all.

However is that not below the minimum wage?

rhondajean · 28/09/2011 12:39

There is an online calculator she can use to check out different situations before hand on the hmrc website.

just warn her that the amount it gives her at the end will be what she would get for the rest of THIS financial year, not for a full year. CAB have software to work it all out too. HMRC are unlikely to sit and go through possible situations with her.

OneTrickMummy · 28/09/2011 12:39

Are you sure she wouldn't be entitled to more help in the form of Tax Credits, subsidy for childcare etc?
I presume she is getting DLA? Higher rate and mobility?

zookeeper · 28/09/2011 12:39

google "entitledto" and you will find a site that calculates what she will get - everybody I know is better off working with tax credits that remaining on benefits.

rhondajean · 28/09/2011 12:41

She will get a higher rate of working tax credit for her disability too, I know someone who was in a similar position, Im afraid you may have given her the wrong advice :-S

catgirl1976 · 28/09/2011 12:43

I have to agree ewith AKMD I am afraid. I don't think YABU for being upset for her but I do think YABU for telling her to turn down a job, especially without even looking into the tax credits situation. She has to start somewhere - she can't walk into a high paying job and if she doesn't start she will never be able to get going with her career.

Sadly the jobs market is not great at the moment and to get a job is a real achievement. If she turns down every job she gets she will be "doomed to poverty" as you put it. She needs to take a job even if she is not any better off. Hopefully tax credits etc will make sure she is no worse off but she has to start somewhere.

I wish her luck

kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 12:43

Look at tax credits, plus she should get child benefit. If she does not take jobs she will not get experience, and therefore not get better jobs. If she keeps turning down jobs she will be doomed to poverty. Once she takes a job she will be in a much better position to find something else.

oldraver · 28/09/2011 12:51

What.... she has turned down the job because YOU told her she would be worse off with out looking into this further Shock

A quick check with entitled to shows she would get help that amounts to £198 27. This is just a quick check and doesn't take into account her disability. It will help her start out until she can find better paid employment

titchy · 28/09/2011 13:03

Am equally Shock that you told her to turn down a job without looking into it, and Shock that she did just that becuase her mum told her to.

How do you help - tell her to get on the phone RIGHT NOW and accept the job. And tell her to check things out for herself rather than rely on her (well meaning but ill-informed) mum.

PeachyWhoCannotType · 28/09/2011 13:07

Definitely tax credits- I am in a similalish boat in terms of being a carer and despite a degree and post grad that makes everything harder, it just does, but tax credits are saviours. She would absolutely qualify.

thre's a website called entitled to where she can go play around with figures but also there is bound to be a charity associted with ehr condition that can offer advcie, if it's a physical disbaility I know someone with severe CP that mentors people into work and can help,

verytellytubby · 28/09/2011 13:08

Why on earth did you make her turn it down? Surely she'll get tax credits, child benefit and possibly housing benefit.

She needs to work to get experience to then get a better job/pay rise.

Original poster
doomedtopoverty · 28/09/2011 13:08

Thanks alot to your contributions. I have checked on the entitledto.com and yes she would be entititled to working and child tax credit. I have appologised to her for the wrong advise I gave her and she laughed and said "you were only being a caring mother". Both of us are very happy knowing that she's definately not doomed to poverty. Grin and Thanks Thanks

OP posts:
PeachyWhoCannotType · 28/09/2011 13:11

Oh and the PA- get advice on the funding of that;; there's legal challenges affot wrt to the low level cut offs IIRC. Remember SSD will try anything but that doesn't mean they expect to get away with it.

She may also get some housing benefit as they allow for disability with that also.

Best place to start would be CAB.

AKMD · 28/09/2011 13:14

Oh good, well done :)

catgirl1976 · 28/09/2011 13:20

Wish her good luck with her future career :) Lovely she has a caring mum too - just check first! x

cestlavielife · 28/09/2011 13:37

defineitely she shoudl take the job - claim WTC etc. yes it will be tight with childcare costs but she has to start somewhere to get better salary in 6 months or a years time!

also there may be other funds she can acess to to pay a PA personal budget from SS, also her DLa etc all goes into the pot

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