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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to reduce my hours at work

24 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 22/09/2011 19:34

it would mean in a month as a family we would be £60 worst off that we can't really afford

i picked DD aged 2 up from nursery today and she came out crying, as the other mums was there and she wanted me (thursday is an open day for parents to come in stay and play)

i came home crying as i felt so guilty at her being all alone.

my DH thinks iabu as she will only be there 10 months and it will take years to get my hours increased

( will be back a bit later as i am doing the bedtime routine)

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 22/09/2011 19:54

If you're only going to be £60 worse off but will be much happier in yourself, then do it. You haven't said what your job is or how old you are but you can pick your career back up when she's a bit older.

I'm sure you could save that £60 elsewhere - cut back on food shopping and/or drop a brand level, change utilities to a cheaper supplier, stop buying luxuries etc. Have a good, long chat with your DH about how strongly you feel but go armed with ways of cutting back to save the £60.

Original poster
AuntiePickleBottom · 22/09/2011 21:27

i am a NHS domestic.

i really can't see where to cut £60 per month

OP posts:
Snuppeline · 22/09/2011 21:34

Could you swap nursery? To one which doesn't have an open day? I can certainly see how that would be disruptive to a child when their parents can't come and everyone elses parent's are there!

If you can't cut back anywhere then I would be careful in this economical climate doing anything which reduced my hours personally.

A £60 loss isn't the end of the world though so if you feel strongly about it go for it.

troisgarcons · 22/09/2011 21:42

I'm sure you could save that £60 elsewhere - cut back on food shopping and/or drop a brand level, change utilities to a cheaper supplier, stop buying luxuries etc. Have a good, long chat with your DH about how strongly you feel but go armed with ways of cutting back to save the £60

I have a friend who survives on £53 a week for all the above. No phone, no internet, no telly, let alone sky, no car, utilities on a key, .... so where £60 a month could be pared out from that I dont know.

£60 isnt a lot to some people, to others it is a fortune.

But back to the Op, thats coincidental crying , a 2yo isnt going to make the cirreslation between other parents and her own missing on fun day. You need to put the guilt down and do what you need to do for your family.

troisgarcons · 22/09/2011 21:43

*correlation

squeakytoy · 22/09/2011 21:45

As you say, you cant afford it. So dont do it.

For the sake of one day a week for a short time, its not worth the financial hardship that losing £60 a week would bring.

xmyboys · 22/09/2011 21:53

60 per month squeaky
I say go for it!!! They are only young for such a short time and by the sound of it you will still be working. Do it cause you want to, not out of guilt.

Original poster
AuntiePickleBottom · 22/09/2011 21:54

troisgarcon and squeakytoy i know you are both right.

just feel so crap about it

OP posts:
Tchootnika · 22/09/2011 22:02

APB - might sound a bit 'positive-thinking-wish-I-was-Super-Nanny' or something Confused but if you need to keep the hours you've got (which it seems you do), just try and be very, very positive with DS.
Explain that you can't be there because you're working, helping people, that she's very clever and grown up, doing well when her mum's out helping people and all those things... I know she's only 2, but it will filter through.
Use it as a positive thing... and keep congratulating DD for how clever she's being.
It will be OK.

TrillianAstra · 22/09/2011 22:04

If you can't afford it then yes YwouldBU to cut your hours.

Tchootnika · 22/09/2011 22:06

(DD - sorry Blush )

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 22/09/2011 22:11

If you have a car sell it and get a bike on the NHS cycle to work scheme. It could save you hundreds a month in car expenses and gym membership if you have one. She's only a baby once!

notsofastmrbond · 22/09/2011 22:11

Why are you asking?

I don't mean that unkindly, but, are you asking because you want permission/others to acknowledge that you financially MUST have that £60?

Or, are you asking because you would quite like someone to convince you that you can live wihout that £60?

Only you know.

nilequeen · 22/09/2011 22:14

Is there any other way you could make up the £60 per month? My childminder does a sideline of taking in ironing and charging £10 a basket.

I'd gladly pay £60 a month for someone to sort out my shit tip of a house Wink

Your husband does have a point though - Your wee one won't be wee for long; they'll be at school all day. If you cut your hours now, you may regret it.

I'd go with Tchootnika's suggestion: sell it to your kid. Then they can proudly tell all the other kids what an important job their mummy does.

trixymalixy · 22/09/2011 22:18

I don't understand the open day thing. I pay for nursery because I need to go to work. If I was free to go in and play, I wouldn't pay for nursery.

Is it just me that's being thick here?

TrillianAstra · 22/09/2011 22:19

The "come into nursery with your children" sounds like a stupid thing for nursery to do, and surely it's more normal for parents to not go than ti is for them to go?

trixymalixy · 22/09/2011 22:23

I would have though so too trillian. Your DD can't have been the only one without a parent there?

marriedinwhite · 22/09/2011 22:28

You need the hours and it's really tough to do what you're doing. Please remember that how ever tough it is now, your dd is not going to remember it. My DC who are 16 and 13 now can't even remember very much about Y1 and Y2. They have very scant recollections of nursery at 3 to 4. It hurts you but it won't hurt her in the long term and you are doing your very very best for your family. Feel for you but dd will be OK.

bonkers20 · 22/09/2011 22:28

I'm with those who are questioning the open day at nursery thing. It sounds more like a playgroup than nursery. I can totally understand why your DD gets upset. Are you able to find a childminder? They are cheaper than nurseries in general.

CherylWillBounceBack · 22/09/2011 22:33

I cut down from 5 days to 3 days per week 2 years ago, taking (obviously) a 40% pay cut.

Best thing I ever did, and you learn to live much, much cheaper when you have more time on your hands (cooking from scratch, hunting for bargains etc).

Unless you're already the ultimate frugal person or on the poverty line, go for it. 60 per month is spending £2 less per day. I can pretty much guarantee you'll find yourself able to save that.

Tchootnika · 22/09/2011 22:37

Hmm... bit sceptical about your dd is not going to remember it (miw, I generally agree with your posts, but...)
She will remember it, but that's no reason that you can't turn it into something good.
Am also a bit surprised by idea that all other DCs had someone there.
Are you sure that it's not just that DD was tired, you were feeling tired and anxious, and the whole thing got weepy and OTT?
IKWYM about feeling bad (of course), but it's more likely that this sort of anxiety will leave a lasting affect than your absence for a little while.
DD needs to feel that you're happy, that she's safe - both of which are completely possible with things as they are as long as you feel OK about them.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 22/09/2011 23:04

I did the same as Cheryl about 18 months ago, because I got to a point where I couldn't cope working FT (and the guilt of putting DS in FT childcare), running a house, chasing the CSA (v. stressful), bringing DS up on my own, dealing with diagnosis of a serious condition etc, etc, etc - something had to give.

My monthly income went down by around £250 per month Shock and as I'm a single parent I'm the only wage-earner, so I had to cut back. My biggest cut back was changing my supermarket to shop at Aldi, which is why I mentioned looking at your food shopping. I also cancelled any non-essentials, so the gym and Lovefilm had to go. I won't pretend things aren't tight - they are - but it was the best thing I ever did, for me, my DS and my health. That's not to say cutting hours is the right solution for everyone, and indeed may not be right for you. You need to ask yourself what you'd really want to do if the drop in income/your DH's opinion wasn't a factor - then look at ways of how you can achieve that.

Original poster
AuntiePickleBottom · 23/09/2011 14:28

thats for the replys, i hae asked my sister if she can go in with her and she has accepted.

i have also said to her that mummy will take her to the park ect after nursery which put a smile on her face.

OP posts:
diddl · 23/09/2011 14:39

A nussery open day?

Great idea-come & play with your children so that we don´t have to

Surely parents who can only stay for half an hr or so?

Put if there are parents popping in & out throughout the day then I think that that sounds really unsettling.

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