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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to share his study?

28 replies

mymumdom · 22/09/2011 12:01

We have a large through-lounge with the piano at one end and the TV at the other.
I have my computer at the side, between the TV and piano, so I can keep an eye on the kids and while I work if I have too, and also watch what the kids are doing on the computer.
However now my eldest DDs are progressing a bit with the piano and are sitting exams, they need to concentrate more when they practice, and are forever complaining about their siblings running around or chatting or making noise.
I don't let the TV go on while anyone is practising the piano but I can see how it's distracting. But it's not really fair to expect the little ones to sit still after school and not play.
Also no one can practice until after lunchtime, or after 7 as the neighbours have complained that they can hear even though the piano is against the wall next to the hall, not the party wall.
DH has a room all to himself where he has his books and computer. It's a pit but he cleans it out now and again and there is room to put the piano in there if he keeps it tidy. His room is an extension with a concrete floor and is on the other side of the hall so wouldn't disturb the neighbours.
Would I be being unreasonable to ask DH to share his study with the piano? I'm slightly miffed that he gets a whole room to himself anyhow when he's only home in the evenings. He's had a study for over a decade now, but as we now have 4 kids, I think that others need the room more than he does.

OP posts:

Stormwater · 22/09/2011 12:05

Not unreasonable at all, if there is room. It would be very unreasonable of him to disagree that this is a good idea though, so don't allow him to say no.

mrsruffallo · 22/09/2011 12:05

Have you discussed it ith him? If he is only around in the evenings then I presume the study is not being used and is available.

Hullygully · 22/09/2011 12:06

Why are you asking?

Are you absolutely barking?

2madboys · 22/09/2011 12:07

No way! My boss has a big house with a tiny study and still shares it with the piano (although how anyone can get to the piano is another matter..)

squeakytoy · 22/09/2011 12:08

Of course it is not unreasonable. It is a family home, not just his home. Space should be utilised so that everyone is happy.

carabos · 22/09/2011 12:10

YANBU, however, we always found that we needed more living space than we had, even with only 2 DSs. The solution was to make the boys share a bedroom and turn the free room into another living room. After all, when you're in bed, you're in bed and in a funny sort of way the bedroom is where you need the least space. We've progressed from having a boys sitting room for telly, computer games, fighting , weight training as needs have changed over time, to now having a decent sitting room, a study and the remaining boy in a bedsitting room. Lots of living space and everyone can escape to a bolthole if they need to.

carabos · 22/09/2011 12:13

And as to the neighbours complaining about music practice - we had this (DS2 plays saxophone) and we ignored them on the grounds that music practice was always finished by about 8pm and as they left their 2DS to
scream the place down cry for up to half an hour EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR THREE YEARS (in the wee small hours) they had forfeited the right to complain.

TequillaMockingBird · 22/09/2011 12:15

So he has his mancave

Seems pretty obvious what the family priority is though. Tell him he can get it back when the kids fly the nest! :)

grovel · 22/09/2011 12:31

Buy him a garden shed.

Original poster

mymumdom · 22/09/2011 12:46

Thanks guys.
Just checking really. We are struggling atm as he's having himself a mid life crisis as 40 approaches and has become grumpy, non communicative and disagreeable compared to how he used to be.
I'm not being hugely tolerant as I turned 40 last year but didn't have time for a MLC...

OP posts:

Vallhala · 22/09/2011 12:50

Oh god, I'd kill if anyone else wanted to take over use my study! It's my sanctuary, I can see why DH might not want to share his space.

Personally I'd be ensuring that the younger DC are in another room, "helping" me in the kitchen, playing in bedrooms or being bathed etc whilst piano practicee is going on and, more to the point, I'd be ignoring the neighbours completely. Philistines!

There's nothing wrong with piano music or practice pre-lunchtime (so long as it's not 6am!) or post 7pm. I come from a family of pianists, had their neighbours been such apes the world would never have known one of it's greatest concert pianists. Tell yours to take a hike!

Vallhala · 22/09/2011 12:51

Oh gosh, my grammar and punctuation. The shame!

Hullygully · 22/09/2011 12:53

That's fine Val, as long as she also has her space. Which er, she hasn't.

Inertia · 22/09/2011 12:58

If the piano goes into the study, then the older children can practise after school in the afternoon, then they are out of the study by the time DH needs to use it.

I would suggest to DH the options of making space for the piano in the study, or subdividing the study into a small study and small music room -which there probably isn't room to do but you are at least offering alternatives.

ErnesttheBavarian · 22/09/2011 13:08

DOn't ask. Just say piano needs moving. it's going there. Full stop.

blackeyedsusan · 22/09/2011 13:17

howw much do they practise a day and at what time?

if the piano went in the study, they would only be allowed in to practise, which would still make it h's most of the time.

Original poster

mymumdom · 22/09/2011 13:31

They practice 20-40 mins a day. I also do 30-60 mins but it's always during the daytime.
He'd be inconvenienced in the weekend ( although there is no reason he couldn't use his study/ computer while they play and while I was practising he can deal with the kids) and he'd also have to keep his study tidy. I suspect this would be the most annoying thing for him.

OP posts:

Original poster

mymumdom · 22/09/2011 13:32

Ernest, There is no room for a piano atm. I need him to tidy it up first.

OP posts:

eaglewings · 22/09/2011 13:45

If he says no how about a weighted key board with the addition of headphones?

MrsDaffodill · 22/09/2011 13:49

Do you have a study each? I can't imagine letting DH having a study without having one myself - much though he might like it.

Our piano is in the place that least annoys the neighbours. Needs must and all that.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 22/09/2011 13:54

So he has a study which he only uses at weekends, yet you work from home and have to make do with a desk next to the telly?

And why the feck can't your kids play piano in the mornings? Do you neighbours lay in til lunch time?

YANBU. Put the paino in the crap-filled pointless study

Original poster

mymumdom · 22/09/2011 14:15

WGME, That pretty much sums up my life.
He has a study, I have a desk. The reason for that, of course, is that when I am working I'm usually having to watch the kids too.
He gets to retreat when he's working...
Not sure about neighbours. They complained a few years ago when both girls were banging out Mary Had A Little Lamb, so we've stuck with the hours they requested since.

Thanks for telling me I'm justified in making this request.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 22/09/2011 14:44

We do music practice until 9pm, and after 10am weekend mornings. We all have instruments though and the adults in the house often aren't home until 7. I think you have been soft on the neighbours.
One advantage of a clavinova is you can wear headphones with it so husband uses that for late night piano practice.
I agree he seems the person least in need of a private study. If the study is small though the acoustics may be a bit weird for a piano, plus we use our piano to accompany other instruments which you couldn't do if it's in a pokey room.

Original poster

mymumdom · 22/09/2011 16:01

It's not a tiny study but not huge- maybe 10 by 15 ft?
I think a piano would be fine in there.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 22/09/2011 16:13

10 by 15 ft is a big study, should be room for a piano in there

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