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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

mil, idiocy and competitive crumbling

16 replies

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 20/09/2011 08:26

It's been an absolute litany of stupidity and annoyance the whole holiday, went to see mil and family and this is some of the tripe I got...

When asked was I still bfeeding 1 year old, and I dared to say yes, comment i got back was "ohhh, for gods sake, don't do it til she's 4 like my friend did, you know breastfed babies are so weak, clingy and feeble" ... nice huh?!

Whenever baby cries she resolutely says, ignore her, its good for her to cry... like why?!

When she was bitching about the "fat" lady up the road she quickly went on to start discussing my weight... how dare she!

We took her out for lunch, didn't even say thanks

She's not seen us since April, yet as soon as we arrive, dh has to offer us drinks, and she sits down at her computer and starts playing on internet... this I found particularly rude considering we travelled so far to see her

Dh's brother has not been down to see her for 2 years now, because he has "cats" to look after, we have a cat and a child and manage it, she never comes to us... anyway, she spouts how she's going to see bil and aol in October, as its easier for her to go to them than vice versa, given the darling cats etc... I was fuming, seen as we used our annual leave to visit her because my dh wanted to... at which point I lost the plot when dh was out of the room and told her Christmas was off limits this year, too much hassle to travel... naughty me took an executive decision!

Pouring with rain, baby in Pram with blanket on, I tried to put raincover on and was told I didn't need to bother... she was wearing waterproof jacket, but ok for baby to get pissed wet through :s

If I say black, she has to say white, if I do something for her son, and he dares tell her, she's like a crab in the pincer movement... last week I made a fruit crumble, exciting huh anyhoo, on last day she presented us with a crumble, weirdly the same filling, which i say weird as it was an unusual mix... I know she wanted to say to me something, just not sure what... this is the lady that still calls herself mummy, just what we need on a 300 mile drive, a crumble, it was pods poor as well, as confirmed by dh last night

Final straw though, after walk in rain, baby sleeping in pram, she said to leave baby outside on her own asleep while we all went in for a cuppa... I have no issue with this if you have a garden... however she lives in a flat, and it would mean leaving baby in carpark, where I might add there were 2 rabid jack russells roaming....

Really, aibu to get annoyed at this silly woman, my dh sees what she says, does... agrees with me, but won't say a thing, i can only bite my tongue to many times!

Just had to get this off my chest, no one to share it with that understands!

OP posts:

Original poster

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 20/09/2011 08:30

Piss poor :)

OP posts:

ddubsgirl · 20/09/2011 08:33

i think i would have got in car and gone home!

KeepInMind · 20/09/2011 08:36

Stick to your guns and don't include her is Christmas, she sounds a bit of a nightmare.

DPs mother arrived for his birthday few years ago with a beautiful birthday cake she had made, on seeing I had already made a cake (I had no idea she would bring one and she had no idea I even knew how to make a cake) She put her cake in the cupboard and said have it when ever yours looks much nicer, I like her

Please Note it was the first posh cake I ever made

HowlingBitch · 20/09/2011 08:36

she never comes to us

Why would you want her too?!

TrillianAstra · 20/09/2011 08:37

Dh's brother has not been down to see her for 2 years now, because he has "cats" to look after, we have a cat and a child and manage it

More fool you then. Brother clearly doesn't want to visit, uses cats as an excuse.

Finallygotaroundtoit · 20/09/2011 08:37

Don't expect your DH to join in - she's his mum and he loves her, whilst you clearly don't.

Would you expect your DCs partners' to join in with criticising you in the future?

Bite your tongue and try to chill

AuntieMonica · 20/09/2011 08:40

feel better now?

but since this is AIBU, yes you are a tad.

she hasn't seen you for how long and has to get all her observations and 'twopennorths' in such a short space of time.
we all do it, i'm doing it now.
it's called conversation.
if you didn't take it all (apart from the b/f bit, that was well off) to heart and was able to shrug it off, like your DH does, then you'd feel better.

really, the things you describe are more about her not knowing how you as a family operate, and the one thing she does to try to appease you - make a crumble she knows you like - well, that's wrong as well!

cut the woman some slack, she probably really misses not being able to see you more often, so makes excuses.

Original poster

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 20/09/2011 08:53

I might get another cat, then ill be too busy too, it doea feel better to vent it, tbh its the tone she takes, which is unearthly rude, otherwise these things would be water off. a ducks back, and as for her not seeing us v often, that's entirely her doing, we both work full time, she doesn't work at all really

OP posts:

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 20/09/2011 08:56

I'm going against the grain here then and saying YANBU. My MiL was a total cuntychops, I was so happy when she died, it was probably one of the best days of my life.
Obviously DH was very uspet, but i was rejoicing. She used to try to micro manage his life from across the other side of the world.

Katisha · 20/09/2011 08:58

Getting straight onto the computer and playing games when you arrived is very odd behaviour from a grown woman.
And discussing your weight also...

moondog · 20/09/2011 09:01

'cuntychops'

JillySnooper · 20/09/2011 09:01

My MIL is also a selfish toxic bitch.

So I never see her. Simples.

Springyknickersohnovicars · 20/09/2011 09:06

I think she sounds incredibly rude. I hope you didn't go along with any of her stupidity and put your baby first. Leave baby in a carpark FFS.

I'd keep your distance as much as possible but be very glad this particular MIL doesn't live around the corner.

borderslass · 20/09/2011 09:06

Glad mines gone she lived 2 streets away DH's childhood was awful and she made DD2's life hell we cut off contact 3 years ago she died in July. DH only went to her funeral because he is a decent man and well known in our town, he didn't want people to think badly of him.

slavetofilofax · 20/09/2011 09:17

My mil is also an annoying bitch, so I don't see her at all. Dh goes to see her for the day a couple of times a year.

Rant away, and next time dh wants to see her, let him take dc sown there for a night on his own if it's too far to travel in a day, and book yourself into a spa.

There is nothing to be gained from spending time with someone that makes you feel like crap, in fact I would go as far as to say it's actually bad for your health and well being. You are the Mummy now, so you should be putting yourself first for the sake of your dc.

Llanbobl · 20/09/2011 10:59

It's six and two thress really, you are both unreasonable and both sound rather immature. It sounds like you're both vying for your husbands attention - the pair of you should be grown up enough to accept that he can love you both (in different ways) without thatdiminishing the other one.

As for comments about your baby - just ignore them, nod and say "yes dear" and carry on as you wish. when your DC are grown up your views on raising a family willbe considered outdated as hers are now - your son or daughter will probably think you an interfering old fart when you try to impart yourwisdom and ignore you - tis the way of the world.

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