to be annoyed with my sisters wrong priorities.

[Pigleychez]

Mums 60th coming up and trying to arrange a big family meal and a nice gift for her.
Of course its all been left to me as normal. Anyway a show was a thought for a gift and costed it about £50/60 each. DSis has said thats fine but then wouldnt be able to afford to come out for the meal too.

I understand that money is tight for her but what bugs me is her proirities are all wrong. She has no money for this yet has the money to always have a spaytan, hair cut and nails done. Mum has bought my nieces school uniform as she cant afford it. My parents are always bailing her out. Her birthday was last month and she came back from shopping with her partner with a £150 handbag and a £50 purse. Her present.
She has known its mums big birthday yet doesn't plan ahead or put money by.

Is she expecting me to swallow the bulk of the cost of Mums present?
Am I wrong to be really knarked by this?

Just because her priorities are different to yours doesn't make them wrong.

If she cant cough up for the present then simply take her name off the gift tag. If you excuse her behaviour then will continue doing things like this.

Just ask her to go to the dinner, tell her you will leave her out of the gift and get on with things. Okay, you may have to get something different but hey ho. Your ds may change her mind when you tell her she wont be on the name tag.

She would annoy me too. I hate people complaining about being skint but manage to buy £150 bags!

Accept the money for the present and exclude her from the meal.

She does seem to have poor judgement when it comes to money but I think the uniform etc. because she couldn't afford it yet has the other things would annoy me more to be honest. That said, it is somewhat your parents fault for indulging her and being her back up plan.

I'd tell her to buy her own present and you will sort yours. Whilst others are bailing her out, they are giving her the message thats its ok to spend on rubbish as somebody else will pay for the essentials and she will never learn.

SenoritaViva - Oh I know! She is my mums favourite and she can do no wrong ( Despite disowning the family for 3 years at one point/ secretly getting married/ Ignoring her nans death- But thats whole new thread!)

I can say no wrong about her.

Yeah think ill say well its either the meal or gift then she can decide. However I know if They are coming to the meal that Mum wont want to go either!

My family is VERY complex!

They aren't

Get your mum a present, and leave your sis to get her own, or none at all.

YANBU to be annoyed at her though, I hate it when people complain about not having money but blow cash on silly things.

Well then get her to come to the meal and say that's fine, I'll get mum something else you organise what you can afford and leave it at that.

I'm sure it's really hard to see but you should stop doing things like always being the one to organise a present. I very rarely do anything joint with other family members, get what you can afford or better still get something you AND your mum can enjoy together.

Tell her to spend the money on the meal, I'm sure you're mum will prefer that. Then agree to each buy your own pressies.

maybe she thinks someone else will pay for her to got the the meal.

Well joint presents only work if both/all parties agree on how much to spend and what to get. If your sister doesn't want to spend this much or can't, it's probably best if you get a present from you and she arranges her own. Then it's also her look-out if she can/can't afford the meal and/or spraytan/nails/hair etc.

We have in the past often got joint presents for MIL/FIL with DSIL & DBIL, but this year we all did our own thing, no problem or hard feelings about it.

D

Thanks for the word spraytan Deliaskis - OP's spelling spaytan was beginning to worry me . . .