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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming at this MW?!?!

16 replies

MadKatz · 15/09/2011 20:55

Sorry for the long post, here's the background...
I'm 37+1. Yesterday afternoon, started having a pain in my groin and really wanting to wee but not being able to (sorry if TMI). So by 7.30 last night had been in touch with our local maternity triage unit who said come in at 9pm to be seen.
Turned up at 8.55pm, asked my name by this MW on duty, handed over my notes, asked to produce a sample, and then put straight on monitoring, even though I had said baby's been kicking like mad so no problems there, problem is with me (already thought along the lines of urine infection) and off she goes.
40 minutes later, still no bp or other obs done......monitoring machine runs out of paper....no MW in sight. DH goes out into the corridor to find her and eventually does, she comes back and says no problems there then. And your sample was fine too. Just wait to see a doctor now to see what they think.
And then it started....what's your name again love? at love - I hate people or call you hun, love, darling, especially when I don't know her from Adam. Have you had a growth scan? You've got a really big baby in there. Have you spoke to your MW about being induced early. (I was obese before I got PG have lost weight over the pregnancy, now back at my pre-pregnancy weight and own MW regularly checks baby and says fine. Also 4d sonographer confirmed baby will be between 7 and 9lb)
1 ½ hours after first being seen, MW reappears to do basic obs. Temp taken and BP cuff put on and machine started to do BP. MW walks away? ?..10 minutes later machine turns itself off. MW appears sometime after to get BP ? thank god machine keeps last reading.
Then?by the way we have discovered a small infection in your sample. Doc will prescribe antibiotics to sort out.
Waiting?.waiting ?
Then the curtain is pulled to one side?.MW with doctor?.and her actual words: Doc, here she is?Madkatz with her Heffalump
Doc was lovely said baby is fine size the rest is me. Said lots of infection in urine, prescribed AB?s as we thought and said do another sample to send to lab for testing.
Did another test, handed to MW?..she could then be heard grumbling all around triage trying to find a sample bottle to pour it into. Then 5 minutes later she bought the bottle back into me and asked what this was all about: In the bottom of the bottle was what looked like salt grains. I had no idea. I asked if the bottle was clean before she put the sample in (well if looks could kill)?then she checked their stock of bottles and they all have them in (whatever they are).
So then we left and didn?t even get a goodbye.
Constant grumbling about too many emergencies, too much work; going from no infection to bad; and then Heffalump - AIBU to think her bedside manner and attitude to the larger pregnant lady is disgusting?

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 15/09/2011 21:01

YAB....oversenstive I'm afraid. Not unreasonable, but a little oversensitive. If I try and edit out the emotional description of your experience, Ican't really see what the MW has done wrong apart from be nice and use a turn of phrase that makes your red mist come down.... which is fair enough.

Not perfect care, but she asked many of (in my opinion) the right questions.

Good luck.

By the way, with my second, I was the 'larger pregnant lady' and that in itself DOES put you in a certain risk group... I was absolutely aware of the fact and it didn't feel nice, but my weight undoubtedly affected my pregnancy negatively, and though I was still a Mum2B who needed care and I didn't need criticism, the facts remained that my pregnancy ailments were mostly due to me being obese. Not nice, but not untrue. You deserve compassion, but any health professional that ignores the facts isn't one worth knowing even if it makes you feel bad. x

DoingMyVeryBest · 15/09/2011 21:04

YANBU! How rude and unkind and unproffesional (sp?!). I really hope you don't get her when you're in labour. ANd to refer to your baby as Heffalump is completely out of order!

Well done on losing lots of weight, btw.

And good luck over the next few weeks...keep us posted!

ExpensivePants · 15/09/2011 21:07

The OP has a urine infection. How tf is that to do with being obese?

Unfortunately OP, your mw sounds like many many I have met.

aldiwhore · 15/09/2011 21:10

Nothing expensivepants but the duty MW isn't pychic either, hence the routine and the questions surely?

aldiwhore · 15/09/2011 21:11

Where's my 's'? Psychic....

TheDetective · 15/09/2011 21:31

YAB a little bit U. The midwife has given you correct care - are you aware that the CTG is not just monitoring your baby, but monitoring any uterine activity. A UTI can send you in to labour. She did the right thing in doing a full maternal and fetal observation. And it might have taken a while to do your obs - but do you know how long it can take to get hold of a dynamap and thermometer sometimes?! She is also looking after other women too - so the length of time doesn't sound too unreasonable to me.

Chill out a little - just sounds like a personality clash to me. And I really can't see how you think what she said was 'her attitude towards the larger pregnant lady'. She has made no reference to your size reading what you have written. She commented on the babys size.

ExpensivePants · 15/09/2011 21:35

From the op it sounds like they ignored her symptoms even though she had a fair idea what was going on and concentrated on something entirely different because they assumed there was an issue when there wasn't.

My cousin always hates going to the dr because he puts everything down to her weight. she went with an eye infection and his response was "well, you are very overweight.". The last thing she went with was an ingrown toenail. Want to hazard a guess what his response was? It's ridiculous.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 15/09/2011 21:35

The detective and Aldi whore have hit the nail on the head IMO.
I was described as the failure and castigated for not allowing my DH to have another wife or two as I hadn't produced a baby until I was 37. Try that for size.

CocoPopsAddict · 15/09/2011 21:35

YANBU as you are 37 weeks pregnant and allowed to be fuming at random stuff.

Otherwise I would have said YABU - fuming is a bit strong.

Sure she was just trying to be funny with the heffalump comment. And 'love' is a term of endearment - not her fault that you personally don't like it. And with the sample - mix-ups can happen and at least she got it right eventually.

TruthSweet · 15/09/2011 21:38

The grains of salt were probably boric acid. This is used to stabilise the urine before it goes to the lab for testing (stop changes in the sample in other words).

So the MW probably picked up a sample pot/tube that gets sent to the lab not a sample pot/tube that gets dipped on the ward by mistake. Bit worrying that she doesn't know that!

TheDetective · 15/09/2011 21:44

The midwife gave the correct bottle - the OP said the sample was to go to the lab for testing. The midwife gave the bottle with the boric acid in - correctly. She might have 'checked the other bottles' for the OP's reassurance that they were all the same. Who knows.

whostolemyname · 15/09/2011 21:44

YABU to be 'fuming.' As others have said she did a full check on you. You got appropriate care. UTI can now be sorted and no harm done. Pick your battles!

SmethwickBelle · 15/09/2011 21:44

If you think "love" is bad, wait til they all start referring to you as "mum", not THE mum, just "mum". It's really weird.

I'm not going to say you're being unreasonable but I don't think she was either - it is stressful having to go in for obs so close to your due date so I can imagine it all mounted up and made you feel more upset than you were when you started .... but focus on the end result - you got a diagnosis and some medicine and are hopefully home and rested up. Hope you feel better soon.

Sleepyspaniel · 15/09/2011 22:04

Is this your first baby by any chance?

I ask because generally, by your second baby, you have generally gathered the following wisdom:

Any trip to maternity triage ward after around 35 weeks requires a trace.
Any trip to maternity triage ward is AT LEAST a 2 hour visit. You are lucky to see home within two hours. Bank on 3.
Don't go to the maternity triage ward without 3 or 4 magazines, some juice/water, and a couple of snacks. Mints if it's an evening or nighttime visit because you could be there a very long time (staff changeover) and mints help you feel fresher if it's been a long day.
If you're with DH try to take a man mag for him. Or his book, if he's reading one.
Sitting around in maternity triage gets chilly. Make sure you've got socks and layers.
You get called "love" & "hun" a lot. Learn to let go of the annoyance. Wait til you are "mum" and "baby". ie "Mum, if you can just pick Baby up for me that would be great"
MWs vary wildy over what's a big bump. MW1 "Thats a neat little bump you've got there love". Seconds later MW2 "Big baby, is it? My word you're growing a big one there!"

Kayano · 15/09/2011 23:20

is this real?
Sounds fine and she commented on size of baby not size of you ?

Original poster

MadKatz · 16/09/2011 07:27

Thanks for all your comments.

Yes it is my 1st, yes it really did happen() yes I did expect a few hours in there (it's a hospital) and yes I was possibly wound up concerned, understandable I think at 37 wks or for that matter any time in your pregnancy..

But my main points are that
a) she kept asking me my name. I understand she may have had other things going on other than just triage but there are only 5 beds in our triage unit (only 4 used while I was there) and they have a whiteboard where they can write patients names down. Also the fact I had rung at 7.20 and been asked all my details over the phone before going in at 9pm.
b) Could my basic obs not have been done at the time of putting me on the monitoring machine?
c)When I'm already concerned, to wind me up even more by saying there's nothing wrong with my sample to a bit of infection to quite a bad infection?
d) to ask me what the grains were in the sample bottle implying that I had tampered with my own sample!! I would have expected her to know what they are. And the killer looks as if this was impossible when I innocently asked if the bottle was clean before she started when DH had already seen blood stains on the bed I was put in
e) To refer to baby as a heffalump when had she looked at my notes or even taken time to even look at me, its pretty obvious I'm not, never have been or ever will be a size 0!
f) to not want to hear her constant grumbling about how bad her shift is and how busy she is? Everyone has bad days at work.

OP posts:

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