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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL Thread

24 replies

Cheaptrick · 12/09/2011 21:24

Hello

I can't decide if i'm BUR or not!

DH has taken his last two days holiday off work today and tomorow it was arranged two months ago that as i am pg and DH disabiled that my PIL would help look for things in our loft and garage. Well baby stuff i need to clean and get ready for November like bedding etc. I'm too big to get into loft and DH cant lift due to his condition. So we needed their help, we ask they agreed.

Then on Thursday MIL sliped a dics in her back. I was concerned and asked if anything we can do. Asked FIL if he could help us move funiture and get things from loft and garage. He said he would still help.

Friday morning MIL went out shopping and stoped by to give son a gingerbread person on way back!

Come sunday we call to see what time FIL is coming round and are told he is ill and not coming, so we do as much as poss on our own.

Then tonight we called them to see if they are ok and if they needed anything and BIL who live with them tells us they are both out playing bowls and then going to a bowls meeting after and will not be in untill 10pm tonight Shock

I think that MIL hates me and does not want another grandchild and is not going to help but is to much of a coward to come out and tell me.
I'm annoyed as DH cant have any more time off and they let us down at the last minute so we couldn't cancell the days off. And that i need to wash everything before the weather turns bad and it will be harder to get things ready for the new baby.

Do you think i am being unreasonable to be annoyed by her actions?

OP posts:
twotesttickles · 12/09/2011 21:26

I'm a bit confused - he faked sickness to avoid getting things out of the loft and you think your MiL has a problem with you having another child? Confused

Unable to judge until I understand sorry.

I'd be annoyed with your FiL not your MiL.

takethisonehereforastart · 12/09/2011 21:27

Well, it's FIL that really let you down.

But it sounds like there's a lot of MIL history there. Why do you think she hates you?

Original poster
Cheaptrick · 12/09/2011 21:28

Basicly they were ment to help but then faked illness to get out of helping costing my DH his last two days off work for nothing.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 12/09/2011 21:46

Making a jump from believing they we're putting their illnesses on to get out of helping you, to your MIL hating your guts and regretting the upcoming birth of your DC, is just a total overreaction.

But all we have to go on is the information in your OP, so unless there's more to why you think that about your MIL, then YABU.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 12/09/2011 21:54

Do you have any friends with teenage sons? They may be pursuaded to help a pregnant lady in return for a few quid?

I'd give up on MIL/FIL assisting, I get the impression they are avoiding helping out.

Original poster
Cheaptrick · 12/09/2011 21:59

Loads of history but too much to mention. The major ones are:

  1. telling me i couldn't go out with her son as he was disabled
  2. Telling us who to book our wedding thru and coming with us to booking when asked not too
  3. orgaining a party after our wedding with wedding cake for her friends even hou i said we didn't want a party
  4. not taking no for an answer
  5. when told i was pg said "Thats your problem not ours"
  6. When told i couldn't cope and had PND she say "Try having three" when DH has a word her next comment to me was try having triplets"
  7. When i told her i had PND she said "Bollocks it does not exsit just get on with it"

There is more but i'm to ashemed to write it down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheaptrick · 12/09/2011 22:00

I'm going to look on yell.com for a handyman to get stuff out of loft.

OP posts:
twotesttickles · 12/09/2011 22:06

Agree you are in a difficult spot, but if you know they don't like you, don't rely on them - it's really that simple.

Do you have anything you can agree on with them? Perhaps it is time to focus on the better things and just rise above the rest. I get on with my inlaws now and I hated them before but I've just become accustomed to their particular brand of madness and treat their interesting little quirks as just that. I'm sure you are not blameless either (nor am I). :)

And yes, hire a local teenager. They will hump stuff for beer. (Perhaps stick to box moving to start with though Grin)

AgentZigzag · 12/09/2011 22:10

A couple of the things you've written down overstep the mark, but most of it just looks like they're irritating fucks who you need to be firm with, rather than they hate you and don't want another GC.

But it's when you've said you're too ashamed to write down the other things that sounds more concerning.

Original poster
Cheaptrick · 12/09/2011 22:11

I'm trying to raise above it but the current issue has just rubbed me up the wrong way. I will not say anything to them about it, its just annoying Sad

Because of past history i have a tendeancy to overreact so just wanted some perspective on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheaptrick · 12/09/2011 22:16

The other stuff has to do with the way they treated me when i had PND but i dont want to go into it right now.

They took my breastfeeding baby away and told me he would never need me - my DH brought him back to me a few hours later after me going out of my mind.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/09/2011 22:18

why cant the BIL come round to help?

AgentZigzag · 12/09/2011 22:19

'They took my breastfeeding baby away and told me he would never need me - my DH brought him back to me a few hours later after me going out of my mind.'

Angry That's bad.

I'm not surprised you're framing how they behave in the way you have if that's a typical example of what they're like.

radiohelen · 12/09/2011 22:21

Sounds like you just need to stop expecting them to behave like normal people.
From what you say they are not normal. You cannot rely on them. Work around it. Don't get upset when they live down to your expectations.

Original poster
Cheaptrick · 12/09/2011 22:24

BIL is a lazy fucker who will not help and has told us so. He is 40, lives at home has no girlfriend and is abled bodied as well which just makes it worse i think!

OP posts:
borderslass · 12/09/2011 22:29

They sound really toxic and TBH you might be better off without them.

iscream · 13/09/2011 03:49

Don't bother with them any longer.

DeWe · 13/09/2011 09:41

I wouldn't have thought if she had slipped a disk in her back on Thursday she would be either shopping on Friday or bowling on Monday. It's not a short term ailment. Pinched nerve in back possibly. Hmm

TechnoViking · 17/10/2011 11:45

I'd stop asking them for anything. I'm surprised you'd want to ask them for anything, to be honest.

MistressFrankly · 17/10/2011 12:03

Do not ask them for help. You are only giving them opportunity to let you down and piss you off.

I would leave DH to deal with them and have nothing more to do with them. You dont need the stress.

Angel786 · 17/10/2011 12:28

Sounds like a 'mare and more of a hinderance than help. I'd keep them at arms length a bit...

Yanbu

VFVF · 17/10/2011 12:43

Agree with DeWe, when I slipped my disc it took me a month to be able to get out and about (note I didn't say recover)

Don't rely on them.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 17/10/2011 12:53

Slipped discs and bowling tend to be fairly incompatible.

Find someone else to help. Accept what they are.

What's that annoying saying, 'Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.' They have shown themselves not to be dependable. So don't rely on them for anything.

Yes, it's shitty. But now you know you can make sure they never do it to you again. Get a friend/pay a teenager to help.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/10/2011 13:05

Cheaptrick I think you are flogging a dead horse with these two. They sound absolutely vile and in my honest opinion, you and dh will be much better off cutting your losses and having as little to do with them as you possibly can.

If someone took my baby from me, they would never step foot over my door again. There is no law which means you have to fall into line whenever they plan things that you don't want to do.

I think you are better not relying on them for anything.

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