Going back to work full time.... or not?

[froggydoo]

Hello - first post after not being on mumsnet for many years.

Was at work yesterday until midnight - DH had kids. And as usual the house is a tip - stuff all over the place, living room in a mess, crumbs on the floor, dirty plates left, kids shoes, toys, clothes on the floor. Tools left out from a tiny bit of DIY he tried to do.

I have on many occasions tried to suggest to DH that it would be nice if he could leave the house a little more sorted out - but he thinks that looking after the kids is enough, and me asking him to tidy up as well is just, well, a bit out of order. I"m not asking him to leave it immaculate!

AIBU to think he is being a bit of an arse over this? If I'm looking after the kids I tidy up after them, or even better I get THEM to tidy up. They are 6 and 4 and are pretty good kids so its not too hard.

To be fair to DH he looks after the kids wonderfully well, and always does great things with them - but I'm just so tired of coming home from a massive 10 hour shift at work, to find that I have to get up the next day and spend 2 hours cleaning and sorting.

AIBU?

clearly haven't posted for years - forgot to mention the question in the thread title - duh.

I am currently part time, and thinking about going full time but the whole mess / sorting thing is pretty much standing in the way as my work keeps me away in the evenings so DH would have the kids quite alot.

so AIBU to think I don't want to go full time until he learns how to PUT THINGS AWAY!!!

hi froggy, welcome back! will be interesting to see what others say. my husband is also amazing with DD but never cleans up after himself on his "shift". bugs me a little, but i usually let it right and use it as fodder in arguments;)
i wonder if there is such a thing as a guy that entertains the kids AND cleans up after himself...

wouldnt work less though, as that would just mean that ur partner wouldnt do either, no? less with the kids and still no homework, plus lets not forget- seriously less money to play with! i think its really good for everyone that u are working ft: you get to keep that part of ur life intact, dh gets to be a proper dad, children get to grow up with involved dad and mum that has career going on, plus more financial security. (pet peeve: hate when peaople "forget" about the money when talking about ft / pt work...)

Well he knows you're going to do it anyway so why should he bother! He maybe feels that looking after the dc is hard enough without housework on top and maybe he justifies this by regarding himself as the childcarer and you as the cleaner in the relationship... Do you also look after the dc while he's at work?
I find it much harder to clear up with the ds under my feet than I do if ds is elsewhere (school etc)

You need to explain exactly what it is you would like to see (ie crumbs hoovered up, diy stuff away) rather than a blanket 'clear up teh mess' kind of thing. And you also have to be prepared to leave him to do it (ie not pick up after him).
You also need to make sure he knows how stressful you are finding this and work out a solution between you. It may be that you end up hiring a cleaner...

I personally think if one parent stays home and the other works, the SAH parent should do the housework. However you'll find the majority of mumsnet believe the SAH parents should just spend time with the children and doing the housework doesnt come into it.

If you both work similar hours, then it should be split equally.

if the mess takes two hours to clean and sort you can understand why dh didnt do it after being busy with DC all evening.

get a portable hoover thing for the basic crumb cleaning
like www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/8550727.htm

and big baskets to shove all the toys clothes into - sorted in ten or 20 minutes .

then employ a cleaner once or twice a week for thorough cleaning.
sorted.

do you have a dishwasher? if not get one.