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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is unfair over a school run...........

25 replies

ownthreadhider · 02/09/2011 23:05

Have been doing a school run with another mum for 4 years.

Until recently my ex also helped. For many complicated reasons (one being his two biological children involved are no longer part of it and the unbiological who calls him dad and has done since he could speak aged 9 is the only one left and he has now decided to cease contact with him 5 yrs after we split Hmm) and this leaves me to foot a £70 bill a month for the older two's bus fare.

I will be taking one of my DC to school every motning and two of school run buddys with one space in the car. She will do the PM shift. We did have another mum involved a few yrs ago but her child moved up to seniors and I took on her morning runs as school run buddy had kids she took to another school those mornings which she was paid for Hmm

Because of added pressure on work time due to to ex not helping at all and school hols (juggling work times) I cannot take any more time off work to do PM collections.

School run buddy has just told me next week her car is in garage so therefore she cannot do the PM runs (which is what she had agreed she would do) although I will still be taking her two on the am run. She has sorted a ride home for her two but not my one.

AIBU to think this is a bit shitty?

OP posts:
SingleFosterMum · 02/09/2011 23:09

Yanbu, it seems selfish.
What did you say when she said she hadn't sorted anything out for your dc?

bonkers20 · 02/09/2011 23:12

How long is the bus ride?! I pay just over £100 a term for my DSs bus and it's a 40 min journey.

bonkers20 · 02/09/2011 23:13

Oh, sorry. You mean £70 for the 2, so £35 a month each. OK, that sounds about right.

YANBU.

Sandalwood · 02/09/2011 23:13

It's annoying but these things happen.
It'll be all go again when her car's fixed won't it?

needanewname · 02/09/2011 23:15

That is very shitty.

So she's covered and left you with very little notice to sort your children out. Nice friend.

DoMeDon · 02/09/2011 23:15

It seems shitty but maybe she couldn't get another child in and, right or wrong, her Dc will be her priority.

Think you are annoyed about the whole thing and this is the last straw.

Talker2010 · 02/09/2011 23:19

Difficult I think ... Whilst it does leave you in a difficult position if I had been in her position I would not have presumed to make arrangements for your son

Would you really want him having a lift from someone you do not know (unless the new pm drive is someone you both know in which case ... will your fit)

thisisyesterday · 02/09/2011 23:19

yanbu, that is pretty shitty :(

Original poster
ownthreadhider · 02/09/2011 23:19

Think I feel a bit pissed off that she has obvs known for a while as she has covered her own arse.

I feel like being unavailable to take her kids to school I obviously wouldn't but....

My mum would come and help but she is having surgery and my ex is in a shit place too (his gf has cancer).

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

OP posts:
BoastingByStealth · 02/09/2011 23:22

Oooh, very difficult. I really feel for you, what a shitty situation. Are there no after school clubs at school that your dcs can join for the week?

nickschick · 02/09/2011 23:23

It is shitty but such is life.
We were in a similar situation and because I couldnt get a lift home for all 3 children (1 mum did mornings and dh did afternoons-other child just tagged on) a neighbour could collect my son but no room for the others - out of fairness we paid for 2 weeks for a taxi home for all 3 children - on the 5th day the taxi fare was £4 more Hmm the tag along child had asked to be dropped off first in town Shock Angry.

LemonDifficult · 02/09/2011 23:23

I agree with DMD, you were pissed off to begin with and now you're aiming it at her. I think YprobABU - these things happen. The car's going to the garage and changing plans at the last minute and reoragnising childcare is a Fact of Parenting.

Doesn't stop it being irritating though. I just don't think it's the other mother's fault. Don't fall out with her over it.

Original poster
ownthreadhider · 02/09/2011 23:26

hmmm after school club is a really good idea thanks - I also have elderly neighbours who LOVE me I could ask and offer petrol money or get the older ones to go to his school and take him on the bus - AND then take them all myself and get out of the school run and not rely on anyone MWHAHAHA.....................

OP posts:
cat64 · 02/09/2011 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ownthreadhider · 03/09/2011 11:02

So - I have been thinking I can take my three DC every morning obvs not fitting in any other kids and all three can get the bus home together (older two collect youngest) and save myself money.

AIBU to opt out of this school run?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 03/09/2011 11:07

No YANBU to opt out of this school run - I can't think why you didn't do so before tbh.

She is BU to have known and arranged transport for her two and not let you know as soon as she knew.

WreckaJones · 03/09/2011 11:09

No definitely not unreasonable to drop out - in fact the sooner the better. I'd be letting school run buddy know that she did you a favour because the quick workaround you had to come up with when she left you in the lurch has actually worked out to be/given you an idea for a long term option. How much notice did she give you? I'd give the same amount of notice back. Seems fair. She can't expect any better treatment than she dishes out really can she?

RedHelenB · 03/09/2011 11:12

Best to be self reliant tbh. as far as possible

ExitPursuedByATroll · 03/09/2011 11:16

Agree - get out of the arrangement. Times change, circumstances change and you have to draw a line somewhere. This seems like the ideal opportunity.

Catslikehats · 03/09/2011 11:17

Definitely NBU to opt out of school run. And I would be giving your "friend" the same amount of notice she gave you.

festi · 03/09/2011 11:23

I would say use a childminder from now on in.

I am is similar situation as you in that I can do some and not others another mum from school came up with a great I dea of us sharing, but organising alone just got far too complicated then we had consider holidays etc and would we do child care for each other in homlidays etc. I just seemed to be esculating into something I didnt want to commit to, then if your dcs are ill or have a term time holiday, etc etc. In the end I said thanks but no thanks as I am sp with no other family around to help me out so would just rather know I have regular, long term paid for childcare.

I have found a lovely, flexable childminder.

festi · 03/09/2011 11:25

sorry op, just seen your solution, yes go for that sounds a great idea.

Original poster
ownthreadhider · 03/09/2011 11:29

Have run it past the kids and they are up for it Grin.

OP posts:
Teachermumof3 · 03/09/2011 12:44

I think that's an excellent solution.

Have you told the other mother-what did she say?

ChippingIn · 03/09/2011 12:52

Great. Let us know what she says.

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