Really don't want to move...

[rhemax]

Living abroad with DH and 4 year old DD. A few months ago MIL fell ill and so we went back (to UK) to visit. Luckily she recovered within a few days and we returned home. It was nice being back and seeing everyone but it no longer felt like home for me.

DH has since decided that we should move back to the UK. Okay, I do love it there as it's where all our families are/where we grew up but I don't want to go. We have a great life here! We've made amazing friends, DD is at a playschool, we're settled here. This was supposed to be our life now.

I understand that he may just have got a bit bored/homesick and wants to go home but what annoys me most is that he didn't actually ask me or sit down and have a conversation with me, he just said that we were moving.

I have told him that I have no intentions of moving as it was not a decision made by both of us. I think that he is BU thinking only his needs matter to him and he's not thinking how this will affect me and DD. He thinks I am BU because I won't do something he wants and has said that he'll go alone anyway. But I mean, a man who is prepared to "go anyway" and leave his wife and daughter isn't exactly a man to write home about, right?

Sooo angry.

Parents don't live forever and he wants to spend some time with them whilst he can. Personally, I think he's doing the right thing. I don't think it's the case that he's bored or homesick, his parents are getting older and they won't be around forever. I think you need to cut him some slack, sorry.

It's only his mum around and she's early 50s and fit as a fiddle! She had an infection (which is why we went over) but it's been cleared up and taken care of. She also travels alot so it wouldn't make sense for him to move back to spend time with her because she's never there. Think he's just missing the pub and his mates tbh!

he is probably worried about his mum

when mums have turns it focusses your mind on how fragile they really are

i know my brother feels the same. he lives in the us and when my dad died he felt so helpless

You should talk to him about it. My ex's father was 60 and as fit as a fiddle, he then had a stroke. Now he can barely speak and doesn't want to see ds because he feels ashamed. He could just be homesick, it's hard moving away from everyone you know. Is it right that he's separated from his family and friends though? It's a tough one. If he's miserable where you are now then he won't want to stay, it sounds like stalemate and one of you needs to make the next move.

Can I be nosey and ask where you live now?

I am returning from the US to the UK next year,I understand the feelings your DH has ...but returning must be decided together IMO :)

It is possible that (in time) you may hanker for home too.

Good luck ...its tricky isn't it.

Well he's obviously going about it the wrong way, but he's not being unreasonable in the way he feels. Have you tried to understand why he's suddenly decided on this? Decisions to move have to be made jointly, especially when there are children involved, but I completely understand why, in light of what's gone on, he feels the way he does.

Why don't you have a think about things, and a talk between you (calmly)? Btw, your DD is at an excellent age to move, so if moving home is something on the horizon, best to do it now rather than later.

Remember, neither one of you has the right to make the ruling decision. You both have opinions, he doesn't get to demand you leave anymore than you get to put your foot down and decide you're staying.

Discuss discuss discuss. Repeat to fade.