Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Aibu re chores?

20 replies

Atwaroverscrabble · 31/08/2011 20:44

AIBU to say that a 16 year old should have to do more chores than a 12 year old? Dh says they shouldn't but i think that with age comes privilages and responsibility and letting a 16 year old get away with the same amount of chores as a 12 year old while having more freedom, privilages and pocket money is wrong!

Btw, both are physically and mentally able so no differences there to be catered for..

AIBU?

OP posts:

Mitmoo · 31/08/2011 20:45

16 year old has exams to sit, 12 year old doesnt, 16 year old can have a Saturday job, 12 year old doesn't.

No hard and fast answer.

thisisyesterday · 31/08/2011 20:58

hmm i find it a bit bizarre actually.

do freedom and privileges come at a cost of doing chores???

i think they should do equal chores.
as you get older you naturaly get more freedom etc... why should you have to do more chores to make that ok?

Original poster

Atwaroverscrabble · 31/08/2011 21:05

No exams, just about to start 6th form and won't get a part time job. 12 year old is desperate to do a paper round so on waiting list for 13th birthday....

Not major chores btw...

Perhaps i shouldnt do any housework/chores on the basis of being in last 6 months of phd and writing up? During exam periods there will be a period of grace for both of course!

OP posts:

NotQuiteSoDesperate · 31/08/2011 21:27

Maybe not in terms of number of chores or time spent doing them but in the type? So that older DCs do something for responsible or complicated and younger ones less so?

That's what we do with ours, although it has to do with SN rather than age.

NotQuiteSoDesperate · 31/08/2011 21:28

Sorry more rather than for

TheSkiingGardener · 31/08/2011 21:31

I'd say the same. Older DC takes responsibility for a certain task, e.g. Washing or dusting/hoovering and is expected to get on with it. Younger DC has more structured chores with less responsibility. I'd give the 12 year old slightly less time-wise but not a lot less.

But then I'm a harsh mum. My DS was hoovering this morning, he's 14 months. (he may have thought it was a toy...)

Original poster

Atwaroverscrabble · 31/08/2011 21:47

That makes sense, thanks... I will write out a list and see which ones i can allocate to each... Dd(21 months) is getting in on it too, she likes dusting and putting toys away and loads the washing machine with me! She also steals the pegs from me so not so helpful there!

OP posts:

borderslass · 31/08/2011 21:52

My 2 youngest are DS who is 17 but has LD'S and ASD and DD2 who is nearly 16 their not expected to do much keep rooms tidy help with dishes etc but about a month ago I stopped doing DD2's ironing as she was taking the piss by wearing clothes for a few hours and changing into clean ones. It has made her think more about responsibility.

FabbyChic · 31/08/2011 22:37

A 16 year olds education is more important. Sorry but it is.

Not only do they spend the majority of their time studying, they do have to have down time to to relax. Neither of my kids have ever had chores, they were only ever asked to tidy up after themselves, i.e wrappers in bin, washing up in sink, dirty clothes in washing basket.

I done the rest, and I worked full time all throughout their lives until one was 14 and one was 19.

Fiendishlie · 02/09/2011 23:41

Fabby, you never asked your DCs to help you put the shopping away, or load the washing machine, or put the dishes away? If so, I think that does more harm than good. DCs have to learn that the washing cooking and cleaning fairy doesn't do everything for them.

Talker2010 · 02/09/2011 23:49

Mine have not had chores either ... they help if something needs doing ... washing is put in baskets and away ... dishwasher is filled by whoever is handy ... shopping put away ditto

If they had chores I would not anticipate that a 16 yr old would be doing more than a 12 yr old ... starting 6th form is lots of school work and plenty of exams

pizzadelivery · 03/09/2011 00:03

DS, 14, can be a PITA, I pay for certain things dishwasher, keeping bedroom clean and tidy, hoovering upstairs every week is paid for £10 week pocket money. £5 of which goes straight to the phone he doesn't use (ASD wants what others have to fit in, has no idea what to do with it. 300/300 mins per month left over)

Other jobs have a monetary value: bins: 10p, washing cars: £5 each in and out, mowing lawn:£5 etc

You want it you earn it!

Can I have is greeted with have you done?!

cherrysodalover · 03/09/2011 00:08

Well any parent who does not ensure their child does chores is creating aproblemfor the future. We were shocked when we had some 16 year old guests who did not offer to do the dishes,ever. Lovely in every other way but it reflected really badly on their characters that they were so work shy and it can only be from it being the norm at home.
The friends I have who had to do chores as kids are the more thoughtful friends when you are around them in turns of being helpful.not that I have checked with evry friend but certain friends I know to have had a more strict upbringing in that department, well just shine in their helpfulness.
Indulgent parents equals lazy work shy kids that become entitled grown ups who no one wants to work alongside.

BoastingByStealth · 03/09/2011 01:07

NO WORK = NO PAY

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 03/09/2011 01:26

Um, fabby, my four year old has chores! It's just clearing away after meals, but it's his responsibility, and he actually does it really well, and (hardly ever...) needs reminding. Why should DC not have chores? Does 'mum' actually spell 'mug'?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/09/2011 06:38

YANBU to expect a 16yo to tackle different chores to a 12yo. Aged 16 they're able to do anything an adult can. At 12 they can still help out but they're a bit smaller, that's all. My 11yo has always fancied mowing the lawn but the lawnmower is still too heavy for him :) Break down the chores but expect the 16yo to take more responsibility and be able to do slightly more difficult things. Still leaves plenty of time for school work.

cricketballs · 03/09/2011 06:53

my 16 year old has more chores than the 12 year old (however, 12 year old has sen but he still has 'chores to do) as Cogito has said, there are able to do more due to their size etc.

16 year old has to scrape the plates and rinse them after meal, keep his room tidy and do the bins and he is asked to help out at times with washing, hoovering, walking the dog

12 year old has to lay the table (which I have to re-arrange ) and keep his toys tidy. He often wants to do more i.e. empty the shopping bags (usually trying to find what I have bought)

when the eldest has moaned that he does more I often remind him that he has a lot more spent on him than his brother due to an expensive sporting hobby and technology (mp3, laptop etc) he soon shuts up and gets on with it! His school work has never suffered as his recent GCSE results prove

Original poster

Atwaroverscrabble · 03/09/2011 07:30

Thank you everyone...

I have decided to tell the kids that each of them are responsible for all the dishes twice a week and also hoover twice a week (on different days), to keep their rooms clean and tidy, strip and make their beds every other week and perhaps cook once a week. Then adhoc helping such as hanging out washibg (16 year old as 12 year old too short) and hoovering and washing our mini van (12 year old who loves this job)

OP posts:

OrganicFreeRangeBoys · 03/09/2011 07:38

My 2yr old has chores. But he loves it so not going to stop him.

I taught him how to make his bed, and the look of pride on his face yesterday when he came to his door, shouted for me and showed me his Already made bed was wonderful.

He cleans patio doors (well they are his finger prints after all) puts his plates in the sink, loads washing machine, sweeps kitchen floor.

I don't know if one child should have more chores than the other, especially if they are going to be studying as well. But I think age appropriate should be given so they learn a wide range of things for when they leave home.

So older one helping with ironing, making family meals etc while younger one loads dishwasher, puts clothes away and learning the other stuff as they get older.

I have no idea if that made sense. I've been up since 4am. Zzzzzzzz

SheCutOffTheirTails · 03/09/2011 07:49

Agree that not teaching your children to do chores us doing them no favours.

It's about independence - young people who know what goes into running a household are far better prepared for life as an adult than young people who expect to have everything done for them.

My mother raised 3 of the latter. My MIL was determined to raise a son who didn't need a woman (her, or anybody else) to look after him.

I'll be raising my DCs to be like DH - capable, efficient, self-reliant.

Of course, I'll almost certainly fail. But I'll try.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread