About bedtimes?

[slightlyunbalanced]

DS1 14 goes at 9pm, DD 12 at 8.30 and DS2 9 goes at 8. They are all moaning for them to be moved up. AIBU?

YANBU they need the sleep more as they get into their older teens.

No, YANBU - my 4 & 6yr olds go at 7.15 or 7.30, so 8pm for a 9yr old seems fine. Esp. on a school night - they need their sleep (and you need your evening!).

YANBU in school time but a bit of flexibility if they havent got to get up in the morning might help them to moan less or find something new to moan about

YANBU.
I can remember at school - year 10 (4th year) I went up at 9, read and listened to radio, asleep by 10.
DD (8) upstairs at 7-7.30, sleep by 8.

No YANBU. They need their kip and you need some peace.

YANBU.
I am a big believer in proper bedtimes. Mine are all in their rooms by 7:30-8:30.

It's v flexible in school hols. I work full time and am a single mum and don't finish packed lunches clearing up till 9.30ish and do enjoy a couple of hours to myself tbh - just wondered if I was being a mean/selfish cow

No YANBU or a mean selfish cow, you need time to yourself in the evening.

I have a policy of "mum is off duty" after *, so DS has to be in bed by then but can read till he falls asleep but cannot disturb me.

Obviously it doesn't apply in the holidays though.

No you are not selfish OP. We are really flexible in the holidays too- very strict in term time though. Too late to bed and morning is hell getting up for school. Also I need a few hours to myself before MY term time bed time of 10pm !! :o

This is V reassuring because ALL DS1 friends go to bed at 10.30 of course

Can be flexi in school hols but when we have his boys (we aren't married so I don't need to feel "guilty" about using step kids terms) it is nine thirty for bed. They are 15 and 14 and can watch telly or play their DS until 10.30 (holidays only) and then it is sleep time. My own are bed by 8 (8.30 hols) and then half an hour of reading time.

Parents need time as well!

Slighty- maybe the friends do (but I bet they don't) !!!

Are bedtimes based on what works best for you, or what works best for your kids? Are they owls or larks?

The older two sound quite early. I'm a Guide leader and we don't finish meetings until 9.

That does seem pretty early to me. Is that "go up to bedroom" or "lights out"? Either way, it's quite early I think unless they have an especially early start for school.

Personally I think its a little early for the older two. I would have said your 14yo 9.30 pm and 9pm for your dd. My ds1 is 11 1/2 and he goes up between 9-9.30 on a school night. Mind you that might change once he goes to secondary school as they have changed school time to start lesson at 8.30 - 2.30 so he will have to be up at about 6.30 and that will kill him.

I would up it for the older 2, as already said if she goes to something like Guides it may well not finish until 9pm. I would also let them read once in bed.

I bet DS1s friends don't, that that they are all trying on the "my friend has/does" with their parents.

Perhaps you could suggest to DS1 that if he stays up he has to do the packed lunches?

8.30pm for my 12 year old, though she reads for ages as she finds it hard to get to sleep. She's a night owl through and through. 7pm-8pm for my 6 year old depending, he is often up later because of activities that he/DD are doing because I'm the only adult in the house.

We don't do set bedtimes in the holidays, not until the last week anyway. In the holidays they just go to bed when I tell them it's bedtime - which varies according to how tired they are. DD (12) tends to take herself off to bed when she is tired - which is sometimes earlier than I would send her.

No you are not selfish. I'm a LP too and understand what you mean about evenings.

My DS was 7 last week. He went to bed 7.30pm term time before the holidays. He swims 7.30-8pm on a Monday and Friday so bedtime is 8.30pm. Then on Saturday he can stay up no later than 9pm - but it is to sit and watch TV/ play board games. After 7.30pm in my house is quiet time.

I will be continuing this when he goes back to school.

He has a torch and is allowed to read if he wants.

It sounds very early to me but it is really up to each family to decide what suits them. My DS1 aged 12 goes to bed about 10 - 10:30 on school nights, he'd never settle any earlier. DS2 (aged 20 weeks) naturally goes to sleep about 7:30 which is fine by me too. I never had a bedtime when I was beyond being a small baby. I just went to bed when mum did (dad had died and perhaps with hindsight she needed company) or when I was tired. So maybe it's rubbed off on me in the way I raise my own children? If it's working for you all (apart from a bit of moaning) then run with it, if not then perhaps a change can be discussed.