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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

pissed off with husband

23 replies

keresley · 27/08/2011 21:10

My husband went out for his brother birthday last night. Supposed to be with his brother and some of brothers friends. When he came back in after the meal, he tells me it was with his whole family - his mum,dad 4 brothers and partners plus 1 extra friend. I am pissed off as we have been in a major feud with his family for the last 2 years (they repeatedly put my sons health at risk) and I thought that the situation was that we'd never dream of going out with them all as a 'family gathering'. The 'family part' well and truly disappeared a few years ago. I am just amazed that my husbvand says 1 thing to me at home but then happily has a family meal with them all. I feel he is being so 2 faced. Plus now I feel that it looks like I am the 'problem' as I was the only family memeber not there. Am I being unreasonable to feel pissed off?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 27/08/2011 21:13

Well it's nice that he's made it up with them I suppose.

I think the question for me would be...did he actually know it was a family gathering he was going to. Or was he just as surprised to see them all there?

backwardpossom · 27/08/2011 21:13

I can kind of see why you're pissed off, but really, life's too short, no?

DogsBestFriend · 27/08/2011 21:15

Blimey! No!

Were you invited to the do, albeit that you didn't know who was going?

I'd take that behaviour as a HUGE disloyalty and an enormous snub.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 27/08/2011 21:16

I think worra hit the nail on the head. If he knew the whole family were going to be there, he WBU. If it was sprung upon him, it's a different matter.

ChippingIn · 27/08/2011 21:16

Fucked off would not cover it.

So, he's fine now with them putting his sons health at risk is he and he's fine with being disloyal to you ....

He would be very sorry that he'd gone behind my back and done this.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 27/08/2011 21:17

If your dh had told you he was going to a family do, would you have objected?

If you had been invited to the gathering, would you have gone?

defrocked · 27/08/2011 21:17

it was a meal out

move on

worraliberty · 27/08/2011 21:17

I think a little more info is needed OP

MadamDeathstare · 27/08/2011 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 27/08/2011 21:20

How did they keep putting your holds health at risk? Presumably some of the family also have kids? Are they all in danger?

Need more detail before can judge tbh

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 27/08/2011 21:20

I would be very pissed off that he had not discussed this with me before hand.

diddl · 27/08/2011 21:21

If he didn´t know, he still didn´t have to stay though.

Sarsaparilllla · 27/08/2011 21:44

Totally depends if he knew in advance they were going and if you were invited too, did his brother get them all together as it was his birthday to try and build some bridges?

G1nger · 27/08/2011 22:18

You're his family, they're his family. He has every right to pursue a relationship with both without having to justify himself to either side. Your attitude is possessive and yes I think YABU.

roses2 · 27/08/2011 22:29

Yanbu he should have told you they were all going to be there and he should have backed you up in not going. You are right about it now looking like it's you who is the difficult owne why he has conveniently ignored all the problems his family caused.

kerrymumbles · 27/08/2011 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fivegomadindorset · 27/08/2011 22:35

Very reasonable to be pissed off but did yor DH know or was the family part a surprise?

LydiaWickham · 27/08/2011 22:37

I assume you think he knew about this in advance. So there was a family do, which he didn't tell you about so you wouldn't cause a fuss in advance, and either you weren't invited too or were invited but he decided for you to keep it from you?

If you weren't invite, he knew you weren't invited, it's pretty shitty of him to accept 'family do' doesn't include his wife (but does include other family member's partners) and looks like he has taken their side in the argument, or you were invited and he decided that you shouldn't go to a family party.

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 22:41

I think if your dh knew and didn't tell you then it is horrible and, as you say, makes you out to be the troublesome one. If he didn't know then I can still understand you being pissed off but maybe this is the beginning of a change of heart on their part??? What would you feel about that?

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 27/08/2011 22:43

Not exactly the way to go about building bridges by being deceitful though.

Dozer · 27/08/2011 22:48

More info needed on what the family did.

Whatmeworry · 28/08/2011 09:42

they repeatedly put my sons health at risk

Am I the only one going hmmm?

WhatsWrongWithYou · 28/08/2011 09:53

I'm guessing - don't know why and apologies op if I'm wrong - irresponsible behaviour around a nut allergy or similar?
Whether that's the case or not, yanbu to be hurt and pissed off if this was planned in advance and your DH effectively conspired in leaving you out.

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