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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Newborn at First Communion??

22 replies

RueyBoey · 25/08/2011 16:21

My whole family have been invited to a first communion. Back in France. Our french cousins (Dad's 2 older brothers grandchildren who are all around the same age all having first communion together) My dad is from a small town so other children as well as about 10 of our cousins children will be taking the sacrament.

At the time our DC will only be 4 weeks old. So what do you think we should do?

DH thinks it will be fine (my siblings and familiies and my parents are going and my Mémé lives there).
But I'm worried eg - travelling to east france with a very young babe. Routine, still getting use to it. Having DC around a massive loud family, meals, church etc?
Also DH doesn't speak any french (though he has promised to learn for DC) so worry he will just be sitting in corner not understanding a word that is going on.

Someone tell me what we should do - I really need to tell my Mémé if we are staying with her (there is an inn two towns along that does have rooms do you think that would be better?), work out how we are getting there (parents are driving, one set of siblings by train the other are flying then renting a car). And actually tell my cousins if we will be going at all

Help????

OP posts:

reallytired · 25/08/2011 16:25

Surely Jesus welcomed little children.

The chances are that a newborn will sleep through the service or will be pacified with a dummy.

Shakirasma · 25/08/2011 16:27

How wonderful! A double celebration of your cousins first communion and the newest familly member.

You should go, I'm sure you will all have a great time.

MrsCarriePooter · 25/08/2011 16:27

Are you basing the four weeks old on your due date? You could well have a two week old...

Personally - and I'm sure others will be along to say the opposite, but I'm a boring soul - I would say sorry but not on this occasion. I'm sure baby will be fine if you do decide to go but am thinking more about you - I wanted to be peacefully in my own home in the early days whilst I got used to things.

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 16:27

really tired its the whole travelling thing excited family etc.

I think you should go they sound like a lively bunch.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/08/2011 16:27

I wouldn't do it, purely because you're likely to be having sleepless nights and will be exhausted. You don't need the hassle.

Shakirasma · 25/08/2011 16:28

And meeting the newest family member.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 25/08/2011 16:35

My 6 week old DS attended my cousin's wedding not so long ago. I had it all planned with military precision should he have uttered a sound. He slept through the whole thing. same could not be said for my nearly 4 year old DD who had to be escorted out. Very as she was flower girl....

Original poster

RueyBoey · 25/08/2011 16:37

Yes MrsCarriePooter 4weeks old based on due date, ohh didn't think off that.

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 25/08/2011 16:39

I asked last week about taking a newborn 3 hours away to Center Parcs and the general consensus was that the journey was the deciding vote as it was booked for just after Christmas and weather would be questionable. When is the communion?

Hulababy · 25/08/2011 16:46

Baby could be anything from 2 weeks then?

Is it your first baby?

I think you would be better not booking anything just yet tbh. I'd consider taking a 4 week+ baby away woth no complications, etc. , but a two week probably not.

Also you don't know how the birth would be. At that stage you might be still be getting over the birth. Baby might be still getting over the birth. If you've had a c section you may not be in a fit state to travel far.

I think you are safer saying you can't book anything at this time.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 25/08/2011 16:59

IME at 4 weeks a baby will be feeding on demand and unlikely to be sleeping through the night so there won't be much of a routine to be disturbed.

All of your young cousins were babies once and I expect that they were included in loud large family gatherings virtually from birth as, no doubt, were you.

There'll be no problem at church services - if your dc cries, you can simply take him/her outside until they've settled again.

I've found that the best way to learn another language is to be where very little English is spoken, but you have the advantage of being able to translate for your dh if necessary. In any event, he'll return with a lot more knowledge of the language than when he went.

I suggest you stay with your dm; new motherhood can be exhausting and she'll most probably be more than happy to care for dc while you catch up on sleep by napping for an hour or so.

Travelling to eastern France from the UK is not a great distance. Choose a travel plan that best suits you/your pocket. Personally, I'd prefer to travel by car via chunnel or ferry as it would enable stop-offs en route and the freedom to escape the family now and again explore the surrounding areas of my destination.

YABU if you don't go because you'll miss out on a wonderful time.

WilsonFrickett · 25/08/2011 17:04

If you have to book travel - e.g. planes/ trains then I would say no. You could well have an overdue one, especially if its your first. If it's a case of just jumping in the car/ferry then I would say 'yes' but reserve the right to cancel if, say, the baby is late or you have a tough birth. In other words, I am on the fence - wait and see how you feel, as long as you don't have to book anything in advance as you may end up losing your money.

BlueFergie · 25/08/2011 17:15

I don't think I would commit to it.

If this is your first you could be dealing with a two week old. If you end up having a C section you might only be a week or so out of hospital and be in no condition to travel anyway. If you are planning on breast feeding it could still only be getting established, and travelling being around a lot of people may make it more difficult for you.

I know myself that I am an insane hormonal maniac for the first six weeks after my babies are born and its all I can do to shower and feed myself/ baby/ any other children. DH has to totally fend for himself and make what sense he can from me which believe me is not much. Travelling outside the country with all the stress and organisation that requires in terms of packing and transport would be totally beyond me. You may be fine but the point is you don't know and it may be foolish to commit to this.

Original poster

RueyBoey · 25/08/2011 17:19

Yes Hulababy first babe

Get about staying with mémé (grandmother not Dmum) izzywhizzyletsgetbusy

GwendolineMaryLacey second week in Jan (so Christmas has already basically been cancelled)

OP posts:

Ladymuck · 25/08/2011 17:30

To be honest, the sheer faff in just getting a passport sorted would be enough to put me off!

Hula's points re not knowing date and type of birth are both valid. The trip is perfectly possible but only for the very positive minded who almost certainly wouldn't be asking the question at this stage. You would need to be a fairly "go with the flow" type of person to actually enjoy this trip. If the thought of seeing all of your family isn't immediately making you think that the trip would be worth it at any cost, then I would trust your instinct and make your excuses. I wouldn't trust your dh's instinct on this one - they're not his family, and unless you have made advance plans to formula feed, you will be the one who is feeding. I would suggest booking a spring or summer trip, so that your family know that you will be going, and that you can all look forward to something. You could of course arrange your child's christening in France?

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 25/08/2011 17:30

I'd take a wait and see approach. It's not just the baby to consider but yourself as well. Baby may be on time, you may have an easy birth and feel great. Equally baby may be late, you may need a CS and, even if not, feel shit.

Would you be able to get a passport in time for baby, if s/he is late? I'm assuming you're in the UK. You've also got to take into account the length of journey and how long it will take/how many breaks you will need if in car as baby can only be in car seat for so long.

I don't want to appear pessimistic, as I said earlier you may feel great but wait and see until committing to anything.

TheOriginalDesperateHousewife · 25/08/2011 17:35

If the baby is late it will only be 2 weeks old (ish), so that would rule out flying for me personally, and also arranging a passport could be stressful.

If the baby definitely was 4 weeks old, I would say not problem.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 25/08/2011 17:39

I think if the baby arrives on time or a little early and it's an uncomplicated birth then it should be OK. If the baby is late or you have a cs or a traumatic birth then far more problematic. And Ladymuck makes a good point about passport. You could go a couple of weeks overdue, then have to wait for an appointment to register the birth and get a birth certificate, and only then even be able to apply for a passport.

I don't think you can commit to be there. Would it be such a big deal to decide to go at short notice, if everything goes well?

Pang · 25/08/2011 18:00

If all goes to plan with the birth definitely go. I am sure your family will welcome it's newest member. In terms of where to stay. You have to decide where you would feel most comfortable. Passport, Passport, Passport..... that is a big issue they normally take 4 weeks. If you are in a rush you could go to the British Embassy and get it done in a day ( that is if you give your child British Nationality and not French).

Shakirasma · 25/08/2011 18:08

Friends of ours took their 4 week old on a big family holiday to florida. No problems at all.
Passport is a pain but for a ( rather hefty) price you can have it fast tracked.

Original poster

RueyBoey · 25/08/2011 23:48

Thank you all for your advice. (and yes planning to bf)

I'll phone my uncles tomorrow to tell them that we will do it by ear. Good birth, feel fine etc we will go, if not we will make another time to go (esp like the idea of having DC christened in family church esp as it was where I was but don't know how MIL would feel about that one)
Okay and if we do go it'll be by car and stay with my mémé (do think she would be gutted if we didn't)
Didn't think about passport - have to fast track that one (and decide what nationalities DC is going to have esp as i do not hold British nationality)

Thank you all for your advice (again)

OP posts:

PicaK · 26/08/2011 09:17

Baby will be absolutely fine.

You however maybe an absolute wreck as someone else said. It can be done - but u may find it easier to stay at home.

Regards passport - can I suggest you get the forms now and fill in as much as you can. Then stick post it notes on the blank bits with really basic instructions "sign your name" etc.

Trust me you will be so befuddled with sleep deprivation that you will need the pointers.

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