To not bring my sd with me?

[apachepony]

Can't decide what to do, sorry this is a bit long! My parents are having an anniversary do this Saturday. My dh is working Saturday afternoon unfortunately and planned to drive up afterwards - 3 hour drive. I was going to head up Friday to hopefully go out for sil's birthday- all siblings able to go out is rare event due to different locations, lack of babysitters...I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago and sil also not having easy time of it so a night out would do a power of good.
However original plan involves sd and dh making a 6 hour round trip for less than 24 hours (have to go home on Sunday) - it's a lot for a 9 year old
A) stick with original plan;
B) bring sd with me on train on fri and ask my mum to babysit while I go out. Would also need someone to babysit while I go to colour hair appointment on sat. So feel like imposing on mum in circus where dh could easily look after sd back at home. Also bit boring for sd and goes against main advantage of bringingher with me early ie bit of bonding
C) bring her with me and stay in on Friday - but for reasons mentioned above would love to go out
D) dh and sd stay at home. Prob is I would love them up for do on Saturday which is v child friendly with all my nieces and nephews and because of dh's work it would be yet another weekend we're not together. One advantage is sd could then go to one of her friend's party on Sunday which she couldn't do if she comes up to my family.
So what should I do?
I'm a bit worried if I don't bring sd she might feel a bit rejected

Have you asked DH and SD what they want to do? They'll probably give you an answer that will fit in with A, B, C or D :o

Personally I'd make my own plans to meet with/go out with sister and co and leave it to DH to talk to SD and decide between them whether they're going to attend the do over the weekend or not. I wouldn't be taking anyone's child with me on Friday, that's for sure! I also wouldn't want to impose on my mum for childcare of DH's daughter, particularly as it's HER anniversary weekend.

I would do C and take her with you to the hair appointment, you can sit and chat while it's being done. I have a 9 year old dd and she is absolutely no trouble at all and loves to sit talking, obviously depends what your step daughter is like though. Mine wouldn't need much looking after at all. She went to stay with dh's mum (he is her step dad so step nan I guess?) 4 hours away this summer for about a week and loved it there. She had dh's sisters there too (12 and 16) and they all had a great time.

id ask her what she'd like to do.could she not go with you when you get your hair done and have a treatment-nails or whatever.(not suggesting you dye her hair)might be nice bonding thang?

A 6 hr round trip is really not that onerous for a nine yr old. My grandparents moved 3-4hrs away when I was 18 months and we would god to see them (there and back in a day) once or twice a year. I would sleep in the back of the car for much of it, or have my headphones on. We would also go on holiday to Devon from London every year (typically a 5hr drive back then). I don't recall the journeys ever bothering me.

I think Dh would like b - he wants to see my family this weekend, likes sd and me spending time together but l suspect he's also thinking he's then free to go out Friday - the latter motive would almost push me to reject!
Think sd might secretly prefer d given the 24 hour turn around but wouldn't be so impolite to say...
Another prob is it me thinking aloud who first even suggested taking sd so might be bad to withdraw the offer! Sd definitely prefers the train to the car - like me!
Just remembered there's a funfair in my home- town so one of my siblings could take her there during my hair appointment.
Problem is I would so love the adult night with my siblings on Friday, just to drink and talk about the tough times of the last month...

Thanks everyone for your opinions! If anyone has any more I would love to hear them. Though I know it's a bit of a dull query...I need to say something controversial!

A 3 hour car journey on two consecutive days is not going to be any problem for a 9 year old. Why would it be? She will be chatting to her dad, or asleep, or occupied with some electronic game like most kids.

I think you need to have a bit of time with your sister, and it might be nice for your DH and SD to have their own little roadtrip too.

We have done a three hour each way car journey with an overnight stay. It was no problem for the children.

I think you should go on your own on the Friday and enjoy your night out, it sounds as though you need it.

Bolstered by the responses here (I deliberately posted it here rather than on, say, step-parenting, so as to get robust opinions in case I was bu), I told my dh that I would be going out tomorrow, felt it too much of an imposition to ask mum to babysit, and so wouldn't be bringing up sd up. He's now got all stroppy and annoyed! Looks like they won't be coming up at all so :(