to just do this

[AuntiePickleBottom]

DH always moans when it time to clean up after dinner with remarks like "i didn't make the mess" to which i reply " you benifited from the mess"

wibu, to just cook for me and the DC, clean up after myself and leave him to clean up his mess

I cook and DH clears away.

I don't bother playing games, just let him choose which job he wants.

Do you always do the cooking? If he cooks, who cleans then?

Wow. We clean up together. We cook together. I wouldn't even cook for him. In fact I'd be tempted to suggest he cooks.

i cook, and we both clean up..... he never cooks as i wouldn't trust his cooking

why play the mind-games? It's petty and doesn't acheive anything.

How would you like it if your DH went to work, while you stayed at home, and only food shopped for himself and your DC?

the cook doesn't clean up the mess

Seriously? This sounds like something my ten year old would say. Is he ten?

no he is 30 and lived on take aways and his father cooked

I'd be telling him he was a twat for that comment.

Today DP cooked a roast, I did the dishes as he went, then I made the pudding ready to go in the oven, DP cleared the table and did the dishes and our guests dried and put away whilst I was setting up the pudding and getting the DCs their ice cream, then DP got us all drinks and we all sat down together to eat pudding. This is how it should be IMO, nobody does nothing, nobody does everything.

When DP is out at work all day, I have no worries cooking and doing the dishes, he deserves to sit down and rest for a bit, but at a weekend we work together. Not only do things get done faster, it's more pleasant side by side.

I guess it would depend on the rest of the circumstances - my DH goes to work all day and I loll on my fat arse watching telly/reading internet forums, so when he then makes the tea for himself and the DCs and does all the washing up and clearing away and the laundry when he gets in from work, I have guilt... (that said, I have heart disease and am recovering from a major heart attack just now so am not actually such a lazy cow as all that, but I do get the guilt, I would LOVE to have a meal on the table for him coming home, and a clean house and all the rest of it - I see that as my job. He works bloody hard to keep us all and I feel terrible because I just can't do my share just now) If you work as much as he does and then he expects you to do the meal and the clearing away/washing up on top and deal with the kids, he's out of order. If he works all day and you're at home (as twatty/boring/soul destroying as looking after kids alone all day can be) then, well, yabu. Or rather I think you would be

he always helpas with the housework, but always moans while doing it.

we both work, and have 2 DC.....the housework has to be done, i just wish he just stop moaning about it

"helps" with the housework ?

DW cooks, I clear away; if DS is at home to eat with us (r arely)he and I do it, nice chance for a natter; if DW and I are going out and time is of the essence we share the clear away work. If DS eats alone he clears up, at least in theory and sometimes in practice - if I am not busy I share it with him, again for a natter.

What a baby your DH sounds like. You both work, you both have a house to sort out and mouths to feed. Tell him to pull his weight and stop being a moaning child.

Moaning is sooo unattractive. I've been training my two year old to stop whining and ask nicely. She hasn't got it yet, but she is only 2.