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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this reasonable?

20 replies

CrazyChicken · 20/08/2011 11:41

One couple get together and move in. Both have own houses, guy moves in with woman and her kids. Guy gives away some of his furniture.
Relationship doesn't work out guy is asking for his furniture back for his new home.
Is this a reasonable thing to do? Can/should he ask for his stuff back?

OP posts:

DogsBestFriend · 20/08/2011 11:43

No. It's rude.

If he gave it away it might be nice to offer it back to him where possible, to make his life easier and return the kindness he originally showed, but for him to ask for it back?

Bad form and bloody rude!

TheMonster · 20/08/2011 11:44

Who did he give it to?

fifitrixibellesmith · 20/08/2011 11:47

did he pay half bills when living with woman

if so then yes he may be entitled to furniture back

itisnearlysummer · 20/08/2011 11:47

I would think a close friend/family in receipt of furniture originally might return the kindness by offering if they are in a position to do so - e.g. didn't get rid of something they already had because he was giving them a better version so now they'd be without.

But to ask for it back is rude.

ZillionChocolate · 20/08/2011 11:47

Nope, if you give something away, you've given it away. If it was only a loan or a temporary measure he should have said so.

Catslikehats · 20/08/2011 11:50

Do you mean the stuff that he moved in to the others woman house? or the stuff that he gave away elsewhere?

If it is the former then yes he should ask for his furniture back. If the latter then absolutely not. That would be extremely weird.

AgentZigzag · 20/08/2011 11:52

Unless he said it was only a loan when it was given, it's not his to take back.

It would be OK for him to ask if it wouldn't be missed could he have it back because he's in a tight spot, but a demand would be out of order.

Original poster

CrazyChicken · 20/08/2011 11:56

It was us, he gave us his table that was in storage. They used hers. Now he's asking us for it back. We didn't have a table and needed one (we have 4 kids) so it was a Godsend for us. Now he says he's 'gonna need it back for the new house. Will that cause a problem?'
He never said it was a loan, if it was I wouldn't have taken it because I wouldn't want the worry of it getting marked or something.
He's asked for his fridge freezer back from ex because she got rid of hers to use his. So she's had to use a credit card to get one. I think he should've at least gone halves with her.

OP posts:

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 20/08/2011 11:56

No. He gave it away. He can't ask the person he gave it to for it back! Does he not understand what give means?

I gave the cats' protection league a donation a while ago. I'm really strapped for cash, I think I'll phone them and ask for it back.

Given is given. Done. Gone.

He should talk to the person he moved in with. They should maybe give him something. What would happen if it was his furniture they kept? Would he take it all away and leave them with nothing, or would he take some of it and leave some of it in recognition of the fact that the other person gave away their own furniture in anticipation of being a family in one house, sharing the furniture?

Takitezee · 20/08/2011 11:59

He is being unreasonable but if I were you I would give it back and ask on freecycle for a table, we seem to have them regularly on ours.

Original poster

CrazyChicken · 20/08/2011 12:00

Well she's said there isn't much she can do and she's gone ahead and ordered one, she said she didn't have must choice. But him leaving has left her job up in the air and bills to pay and a mortgage so I thought the least he could do was at least go halves.

OP posts:

Earlybird · 20/08/2011 12:06

He is being unreasonable, as it was given not loaned.

But, given that he has the nerve to ask for it back means he will probably be upset if you refuse to return it.

Are you prepared for the relationship to end over a table? Because it might....

Three final questions:

Is/was there anything special about the table?
how long have you had the table?
Can he afford to buy another?

Original poster

CrazyChicken · 20/08/2011 12:10

Well we really don't know him that well, only because he moved in with our friend, although we did put him up for a night when he first left. So no great loss.

Nothing special afaik.
We've had it about 6/7 months.
He runs his own business so assume he can afford a new one. No way we can.

OP posts:

DogsBestFriend · 20/08/2011 12:12

Sounds like he's taking the piss. Tell him no.

Simply as that! It's a complete sentence, they keep telling me. :)

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 20/08/2011 12:16

Do you think that's the reason?

You're her friends, so he's being petty?

If he's like that, then just give him the table and eat off your laps for a bit. A dining table is not an essential. You can wait until maybe there's one on freecycle, or have a look in charity shops etc.

Give him the table and wave him goodbye.

sixpinetrees · 20/08/2011 12:19

I think he is BU but I would give it back for the sake of keeping the peace. There are a couple of hundred tables on ebay for under £1 or you could get one from freecycle or a charity shop.

HeIsSpartacus · 20/08/2011 12:23

Gosh I'd be tempted to say "oh sorry I didn't realise you were using our house as a storage facility - of course you can have it back. Let me just check our daily storage rates so you know what you owe us before you come to collect it."

Original poster

CrazyChicken · 20/08/2011 12:27

He he love it!

We aren't likely to cross paths in future and I don't think he's doing out of spite, just that he's so bloody ignorant and selfish. He left her without a word, and won't talk to her. She's in complete shock.

OP posts:

Earlybird · 20/08/2011 12:29

I'd be inclined to refuse as
you don't have a longstanding/close relationship with him (so don't care if he's out of your life)
it's not a table that belonged to his dear Aunt Bessie, or that is special/sentimental in any way
Refusing will not cause him hardship in any way

Prepare for him to be upset with you, as he clearly thinks it is ok to ask for the return of something that was given. Maybe he'll learn a lesson though for the future.

roses2 · 20/08/2011 22:56

Ask to keep it until you have found a new one then start scouting freecycle or ebay

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