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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not smacking children = Lawless rioters

44 replies

cherryburton · 15/08/2011 10:12

Saw this doing the rounds of FB this morning:

"I have to laugh at people who are against smacking. My parents smacked me when I was naughty.. . I didn't hate them.. I didn't have trust issues with them because of it... I didn't fear them... But I damn sure respected them! And I learned what my boundaries were, and knew what would happen if I? broke them. I wasn't abused - I was disciplined....SINCE WE TOOK THIS SOFT APPROACH LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR COUNTRY & YOUNGSTERS *Re-post if you got your arse smacked and survived!!"

and I actually had to reply to it. What a load of bollocks, I'm guessing the people out looting last week weren't the children of liberal non-smacking lefties, I'd hazard a guess they were all from homes where good hidings get dished out.

AIBU to think that smacking is nothing to do with the state of "OUR COUNTRY & YOUNGSTERS?" Hmm

OP posts:
Kayano · 15/08/2011 10:16

Well I'm going to smack mine when they arrive if other forms of discipline don't work :S

Kladdkaka · 15/08/2011 10:20

Smacking is illegal here and we don't have kids rioting and looting so perhaps the opposite is true.Hmm

TartyMcFarty · 15/08/2011 10:20

Hear hear OP. I hate those smug statuses about how much more effective and 'real' our upbringings were pre-1990.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 15/08/2011 10:20

You're right it's a load of bollocks. But I don't think it's fair to say that all those traipsing through the courts this past week have been you know, from deprived areas. seems there has been a fair share from "nicer" middle class families too.

FWIW, I hate those stupid "if you're a decent human being you'll repost this status or your whole family will die of cancer" status updates and tend to ignore them.

BertieBotts · 15/08/2011 10:23

Oh well, I read one the other day which said "I bet the rioters weren't breastfed and attachment-parented!!"

Okay I breastfeed and attachment-parent (to borrow the term), but I still thought that was a load of bollocks and utterly smug and twee.

Kayano · 15/08/2011 10:24

Shocked at the breastfeeding one! My god!

smoggii · 15/08/2011 10:28

I wasn't smacked and I'm loving my new flat screen TV, trainers, stolen shorts (i got these off someone else!) and large bags of value rice which I looted last week Grin

worldgonecrazy · 15/08/2011 10:30

May the Gods save us from stupid Facebook updates. I suspect the breastfeeding one was supposed to be a bit tongue-in-cheek but failed.

Whatmeworry · 15/08/2011 10:31

I'd smack mine if he didn't hand over the 42" Telly :o

Original poster
cherryburton · 15/08/2011 10:50

I wouldn't necessarily equate deprived areas with smacking - I came from a "nice middle class" home and got hit a lot.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 15/08/2011 10:55

Well, you know what we're all doing wrong. We're all coasting along somewhere in the middle, damnit, should have chosen one of those "extreme" parenting methods, that'll sort them out.

I swear the breastfeeding one was totally serious. It was so earnest.

I would associate smacking with deprived areas now - possibly not 20 or so years ago, when it was more accepted. But TBH it's not about smacking vs not smacking, but clear and consistent discipline vs whack them constantly because you know no better (massive generalisation, of course, I'm aware that not all families in deprived areas operate like this, and that it happens regardless of class)

muminthemiddle · 15/08/2011 11:03

I don't think it has to do with smacking but a lot to do with stable, loving, consistent and firm parenting.
Btw I went to schools where physical punishment was routine. I was bloody scared of a lot of teachers and even though it was a rough area nobody disrespected authority figures too often.

pigletmania · 15/08/2011 11:05

I do agree with the smacking status, not regarding the riots, but yes because I was smacked by my parents and don't see that I was abused, I felt I deserved it. I love my parents, and miss my dad so much, he died of cancer when I was 10. I loved my childhood, and despite the occasional smack I felt loved and secure. Yes I agree with the bygone childhood status shhh those were the days.

pigletmania · 15/08/2011 11:07

Meant ahhhh those were the days.my heart goes out to the children who don't have loving parents whose home is not a sanctuary and refuge but one of fear

psiloveyou · 15/08/2011 11:09

I was smacked/hit at home and school. It didn't harm me because I also knew I was loved.
However, I don't need to smack my dc I find "the look" much more effective and that's not illegal yet Grin

pozzled · 15/08/2011 11:09

YANBU. It's bollocks to think that people who are smacked don't/didn't riot and loot.

Now, if the status update were about children who had never been told 'No' or disciplined consistently and fairly, I'd be more inclined to agree.

FreudianSlipper · 15/08/2011 11:10

of course a clip round the ear would solve everything

what utter tosh. i would hate for ds to fear me especially fear physical punishment what message is that giving to a child

electra · 15/08/2011 11:20

yanbu - if anything smacking encourages violence in people who were disciplined that way imo. That's why children end up hitting their siblings.

didyouseewhatshedid · 15/08/2011 11:31

Okay, smacking is bad, bringing back the birch to appease the DM crowd would also be bad. But...is there a middle ground here? Somewhere in between what the nutcases at the DM are calling for on the one hand and the softy, lefty, woolly liberal shite that has been peddled for the past two decades on the other? Basically, a return to the days when kids did have some sense of respect for older people (a time even myself only in my 30s can remember)?

Original poster
cherryburton · 15/08/2011 12:05

I didn't respect my parents for hitting me, I was shit scared of them but I wouldn't say that this has been a good thing and we have virtually no relationship now, but then I didn't feel loved either.

I don't think it's all down to the parents, there's clearly a whole load of other socio-economic factors at play with the rioters which probably accounts for about 50% of it...

OP posts:
minipie · 15/08/2011 12:07

"Now, if the status update were about children who had never been told 'No' or disciplined consistently and fairly, I'd be more inclined to agree."

^^ this.

Meglet · 15/08/2011 12:10

I bet a lot of those kids rioting were walloped on a regular basis.

I was smacked sometimes, but my parents were sensible, caring and drummed right v's wrong into me. Very different to what some of those kids have grown up with.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 15/08/2011 12:10

Bollocks, the most 'lawless' family I know of got battered if they so much as looked the wrong way.

BelleDameSansMerci · 15/08/2011 12:16

Ah respect...

The problem with respect is that it needs to be earned. This works both ways. The "authorities" are not respected as much as they once were because they have been shown, in many cases, to be morally bankrupt themselves; parents who smack their children are, I would think, more likely to be feared than respected (and are teaching their children that the answer is violence); and young people are often not respected as they do not behave in a way that invites respect in the first place. IMO.

If it were even true that most of those rioting came from homes evidencing poor parenting, I'd suggest they would be more likely to have been smacked than not...

skybluepearl · 15/08/2011 12:18

what a stupid FB post. how do they know the kids out last week wernt smacked? i actually bet most those kids got hit lots.

I was smacked and using fear was the worst way to discipline me. It created a barrier between me and my parents that was held there for years.