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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it just me?

34 replies

WhereIsMyFreeGoat · 10/08/2011 01:43

Honest answers,
Do you ever think if I hadn't had my child/children I could still be or be the person with the dream job? Not to say I resent them at all it is just occasionally I think I could be in a 5* hotel in South Africa instead of changing a stinky nappy!

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 10/08/2011 01:47

You have got a dream job.., it's just, well, you have to explain to yourself what kind of dream it isWink

MadamDeathstare · 10/08/2011 01:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinklypearls · 10/08/2011 01:54

No.

Original poster
WhereIsMyFreeGoat · 10/08/2011 01:57

I love being a Mum don't get me wrong it is just sometimes I look back and think ... I was in a 5 star hotel reviewing the service and now I am the room service Smile

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 10/08/2011 01:57

Full colour pie charts?!! Wow!!Envy

I could have been screaming at children in a classroom instead of screaming at... ohBlush

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/08/2011 02:25

You CAN have it all.

Book a holiday to S.Africa and change your nappy in a 5* hotel Grin

But enough of this time wasting - I want to know where my free goat is, the one that was promised on another thread a couple of days ago.

I know demand may be high, but surely mumsnet could have emailed me the proposed despatch date by now? Angry

I've gone to the trouble of buying a book of goat names and its godparents will be so disappointed if it isn't here by Sunday.

Original poster
WhereIsMyFreeGoat · 10/08/2011 02:29

I can only say sorry for the lack of Goatage!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhereIsMyFreeGoat · 10/08/2011 02:32

And if I still had my old job then I could afford a holiday to South Africa but now I would be lucky to afford a holiday to South Wales,

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 10/08/2011 05:05

I'm going to South Devon - is that glamorous enough?

Thumbwitch · 10/08/2011 06:42

YABUU (utterly unreasonable). Of course you could be in a 5* Hotel in South Africe if you had not reproduced but your life would be devoid of meaningful meaning; you would be an empty vessel, and your biological clock would be clanging loudly within your slowly-shrivelling ovaries.

This way you have fulfilled your beautiful womanhood and at some point you can probably go back and have the dream job that involves travel to dangerous places and 5* hotels to cover up the fact that they're dangerous; AND you've still got your child to go home to.

Wink

Blimey, it's hard writing stuff like that! Grin

But in answer to your somewhat fuddled question, no it probably isn't only you; but it isn't me. I am quite happy to be SAHM to DS but that's because I am Old and my career never involved swanning off to exotic locations and swanky 5* hotels, either as part of my job or as something I could afford for a holiday.

It'll all get better when the nappies stop.

shakey1500 · 10/08/2011 07:55

YANBU. Tis fine to daydream :)

I daydream about my BAFTA acceptance speech. Instead I'm battling audition wise for the role of Philia against a 50 year old Grin for the local amateur dramatic company, average age 62. With the politica to match

shakey1500 · 10/08/2011 07:55

*politics even

upahill · 10/08/2011 08:02

No I've never thought that at all.

What I have thought in recent years is, just another couple of years and then I can go to (various South America places) by myself!!

Original poster
WhereIsMyFreeGoat · 23/09/2011 20:50

Sorry I posted and ran but we had a family crisis which made me realise I was being very unreasonable indeed. I could be in a 5 star hotel somewhere but nothing could compare to being with my children. DD1 now 12 has just had an awful time and had I continued and left her with my Mum while I was away I could have been 24 hours away. Big wake up call which was very much needed Sad DD2 has been keeping our spirits up by taking her first steps and grinning at everything Smile

OP posts:
StrandedBear · 23/09/2011 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 23/09/2011 21:31

Not to say I resent them at all it is just occasionally I think I could be in a 5* hotel in South Africa instead of changing a stinky nappy

You are in the worst bit, it only gets better from the stinky nappies on.

And take your kids to SA when they are older, they will love it and that will multiply your pleasure. You don't need a 5* with the SA space and climate :)

The saddest is when you see the people 20 years from where you are now who don't have kids, that's when you see your dream coming true.

sunshineandbooks · 23/09/2011 21:36

I think this is completely normal. I quite often wonder where I would be if I hadn't had children and I know it would be lots of £££ss better off and with far more excitement.

That's not to say I regret having children. I don't. They are the best thing I've ever done and I have learned more about myself, human behaviour and life in general because I had DC than I ever would have done otherwise.

But my earning capacity will never recover from the impact of having children. That's not bitterness or regret talking, just a fact. I don't regret my choices, but I wouldn't be human if I didn't play the "what if..." game from time to time.

Original poster
WhereIsMyFreeGoat · 23/09/2011 21:41

Whatmeworry I know that is true I also have a 12 year old who I did leave for days at a time with my Mum for the first 5 years of her life I still feel the guilt about that Sad
sunshine you have said what I was trying to say but much better it is only a what if game.

OP posts:
Ifancyashandy · 23/09/2011 21:50

Thumbwitch You nearly had me with your 'fulfilling womanhood' comment!

And then I got to the next paragraph Grin!

Phew!

Whatmeworry · 23/09/2011 21:55

Whatmeworry I know that is true I also have a 12 year old who I did leave for days at a time with my Mum for the first 5 years of her life I still feel the guilt about that

Mum is part of the whole family experience, it goes deep - don't worry about it for a second.

Btw 2 plane tickets to SA buys a decent family holiday in somwhere with a similar climate but closer like Greece....

MrsBloomingTroll · 23/09/2011 22:39

DH and I sometimes have this conversation. Of course he still gets to jet off to NYC and other places every month or so. My days of globetrotting are over for now, which was career suicide (having DC1 led to redundancy a year later because of no travel).

Do I think I could still be that person? No. Because I knew I wanted children, one way or another. It ate away at me as we went through fertility treatment and then, eventually, conceived DC1 naturally. And then DC2. We fought so hard to get to this point and had many chances to change our minds. DH and I were both driven to have a family. I'd even go so far as to say we would have split up without kids - seen it happen to friends of ours.

It doesn't stop me from yearning for my old jet-set life or DH from missing his sports car. But this is the hardest/worst bit (la la la, putting my fingers in ears and head in the sand about the teenage bit).

And the nappies do end (am at the end of that particular dark/smelly tunnel with DC1 at the moment).

FWIW, we saved our air miles using credit card for a few years and, earlier this year, we were able to go on the 5* SA holiday anyway. We still aspire to do this every couple of years!

Merlotmonster · 24/09/2011 00:14

theres no need to feel sorry for us without children...Worry....we dont know any different ;-)

Honeydragon · 24/09/2011 00:30

Thumb

I came that close to booking a flight to come and slap some sense onto you, then you got to beautiful womanhood snd I realised your Tongue was most definitely in cheek Grin

I always wanted to be a mum so don't ponder too much.

Honeydragon · 24/09/2011 00:30

Sense into not onto

scottishmummy · 24/09/2011 00:35

thumbwitch what a ghastly and insensitive post
no children doesnt="life would be devoid of meaningful meaning; you would be an empty vessel, and your biological clock would be clanging loudly within your slowly-shrivelling ovaries"

i sincerely hope you dont articulate that out loud, or ever encounter those ttc to remind them of a life "devoid of meaningful meaning" as they are childless

children isnt the ultimate expression of achieving good woman status