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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Riots - is it all the parents fault?

53 replies

MichaelaS · 10/08/2011 00:07

Right, throwing out a potentially controversial idea then scuttling off to bed before it blows up.

The riots seem to mostly involve teenagers. People on the TV (so it must be true, right?) have been asking what their parents are doing, why they're letting their kids out at that sort of time etc. Appeals from police to report your child if they turn up with unusual electrical items in the middle of the night.

So, is it all the fault of the parents? Do well brought up kids ever do this sort of stuff, barring severe mental illness such as being a sociopath.

AIBU to think that, mostly, it is the fault of the upbringing that these well fed, clothed and healthy teenagers feel disenfranchised and poor even though they are amongst the top 10% of the worlds rich because they are not starving and have somewhere to sleep. MN jury, your verdict please!

And on that note, i'm off to bed! enjoy.....

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 10/08/2011 00:10

Wow. You must be really keen on this "debate".

singforsupper · 10/08/2011 00:12

Of course it is the parents fault. But they should get help rather than blame.

usualsuspect · 10/08/2011 00:12

yeah ,the ol' post and run technique

lachesis · 10/08/2011 00:13

A dipshit post deserve a dipshit response.

You're being unreasonable. And ignorant and whole bunch of other stupid things as well.

lachesis · 10/08/2011 00:14

Enjoy! Oh, yes, I enjoy calling people up on being stupid.

usualsuspect · 10/08/2011 00:15

actually its your fault

hth

EdithWeston · 10/08/2011 00:17

The Telegraph said on its front page that the youngest person arrested was 11 years old. So yes, there do need to be questions asked about the parents (and in that specific ca, it'll be the authorities doing the asking already I should imagine).

There are multiple eyewitness accounts of extensive participation by 13/14/15 year olds. Again, I think it's fair to look into the role of the parents.

But until more is known about who was in the mob, it's hard to work out trends. For this country to have produced a cohort such as this (even aiming off a bit for mass hysteria), hard questions have to be asked about all aspects of social and educational policy over the period in which they were growing up - say the last 14-20 years. Hopefully we can find and learn from the failings.

Original poster
MichaelaS · 10/08/2011 00:18

:-) was inspired to stick it up by BrigadeofLannister's one saying AIBU to want a controversial AIBU thread in AIBU? but then i read that thread and its not what i thought it was..... doh

I just look at the rioters and look at my DS and think "oh god, please don't let that be him in 10 years time". i am kind of hoping that some actual parenting will prevent this, but maybe so did the parents of the rioters.

posted and not quite managing to run....

OP posts:
lachesis · 10/08/2011 00:19

Thought you were going to bed?

Yeah. Right.

GypsyMoth · 10/08/2011 00:23

well i have grounded my big 17 year old dd tonight,as she wanted to go out with her mates in their car 'for a look'........i embaressed her apparently for telling the car full of her mates to bugger off home...oh well

single mum by the way.......i think we will end up copping most of the blame. my other teens are all in and have been all day. no idea where my 8year old is though....in bed still i hope,havent checked on him since i sent him up!

Nihilisticbunny · 10/08/2011 00:23

You are SO original, quick, call Newsnight they want your terribly pertinent (a million years too late) insight. Go You.

Original poster
MichaelaS · 10/08/2011 00:24

lol lachesis i am a double failure! right, logging off now so i don't make the triple. honest....

OP posts:
simpson · 10/08/2011 00:24

ILT - I have to say I agree with you on LPs getting the blame again

Scary though if you are in the house by yourself with small children (I am a LP BTW)

lachesis · 10/08/2011 00:25

Hope you're not on benefits, too, Tiffany, because, you know, it is really the life of Riley compared with the Sudan. You should spend every waking moment atoning for this, too, and demonstrating such gratitude.

Honestly, these threads are coming out of the woodwork tonight!

Twoequalstired · 10/08/2011 00:33

I think I'm being really naive but why is everybody having a go at the OP? Do the parents of these very young rioters take literally no responsibility?

Original poster
MichaelaS · 10/08/2011 00:35

aaargh, can't resist. triple fail.

I didn't say anything about lone parents or benefits - so no idea what you're on about re life of Riley lachesis and there is nothing to atone for. but there is lots to be grateful for - for health, for food to eat, for not having to watch your family die of preventable diseases. Are we less grateful for having "the basics" than previous generations? Is that what drives this lack of empathy for other human beings and this desire for material goods regardless of how they are obtained?

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 10/08/2011 00:37

You might want to have a look at this BBC article. It quotes a range of views, including Head Teachers' leader Brian Lightman: "Mr Lightman blames a toxic mixture of dysfunctional parenting and a consumer and celebrity culture which tells youngsters they should have whatever they want.

He warns that too often schools are faced with pupils who have never had any boundaries in their home lives - where there has never been a sense of right and wrong.

"Parents are not willing to say 'no'. That short, simple word is an important part of any child's upbringing," says Mr Lightman, general secretary of the Association of School and College Leaders.

"It's desperately important that children have a sense of right and wrong. But we often come across children who have never been told that something is wrong.""

"

Tortington · 10/08/2011 00:42

My children when they were aged 13 and under would cower at a stern look from me. they would be in bed. or i would know where they were.

it gets trickier as they get older, no longer do the looks of terror prevail, but hopefully you have engendered such a relationship as to be able to discuss and have mutual repsect fro one anothers feelings and to have imparted a sense of right and wrong that would allow a young person to have strength in their actions and ..inaction.

what we need is parenting classes - cameron will absolutely not invest in common people so the point is moot

GhoulLasher · 10/08/2011 00:44

These kids have NO fear of authority and they're greedy too. They don't have much in comparison with many people in this country. They live among ugliness...it's true...I used to live on a massive estate in Walworth and it's fecking ugly.

Many were born in the 80s and early 90s....to young parents who had already been fucked up due to being children of Thatchers Britain. No jobs and drug culture had already killed their hope and ambition so their kids didn't stand much chance.

They've not been taught manners or caring for others. They have not (in the main) got nice homes to go to...and I don't mean homes whih are full of stuff...but homes in the truest sense. They have been brought up amid violence, addiction and in a community which prizes stuff over morality.

They're fucked basically.

They want things...they see material possesions as everything. Clothes, guns, TVs and phones....they want them.....they can't get them legitimately....so they're taking them. They've had shit pushed at them on telly all their lives....buy this, have this....and they find they can't. So when combined with all the other crap factors of their lives they go for their chance.

Tortington · 10/08/2011 00:48

and its criminal.

the police take back handers - nothing is done
he bankers get 14bn in bonuses despite fucking everything up - i mean everyones getting theirs.........except me.

the criminal underclass
bankers
politicians and their businessmen mates
some police and other officials

if i had a decent bin bag i'd consider looting john lewis and waitrose. Waitrose first for a cake and some nice pasta

Twoequalstired · 10/08/2011 00:48

Edith - I hadn't seen that article but couldn't agree more with the quote you posted from Brian Lightman. Finally someone has been able to articulate what I've been ineffectually mumbling about

GhoulLasher · 10/08/2011 00:53

Parenting classes might work with some people but I enuinely believe others are past that. They won't chnge or learn because once they go past a certain point...that's it. They are what they are which is sadly....addicts.

Many of these kids parents are abusers of drugs and alcohol. Beyond help.

Twoequalstired · 10/08/2011 00:53

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14458424

Really awful. It's like they are repeating what somebody has told them to say

GhoulLasher · 10/08/2011 00:54

And I don't think it's always a case of parents not being "willing" to say no....many just can't be arsed to.

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/08/2011 00:56

OP everything is the parent's fault. Especially if it is a single parent, working or on benefits. It's all bad and it's all our fault.

Parents of bankers in particular: Take note