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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Talk to my anorexic goddaughter

13 replies

OneDove · 09/08/2011 00:20

i have just found out my teenage goddaughter is anorexic.
Her mum is my best friend and she had suspicions that anorexia was going on. The GP has said to GD she is anorexic and she has been referred to CAMHS.
I have personal experience of being an anorexic and I just want to help. AIBU to try and talk to GD about it or just leave it to her mum and just be there for my best friend? Is it interfering too much?

OP posts:
altinkum · 09/08/2011 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/08/2011 00:26

If you've suffered yourself then you'll know better than anyone else that the girl in question isn't going to listen to anyone, even you. I would go the route of supporting the mother and making sure she gets the professional help she needs in a specialist unit. Once she's into recovery and her mental/physical state is improved by getting better nutrition then encourage her to keep going, using your own experience if you feel it's appropriate.

SaffronCake · 09/08/2011 00:27

What would definately not be interfering is to ask her Mum if she would like you to talk to GD. She will probably welcome your supporting the girl, since you can understand and anything you say is likely to be gentler and with more empathy than Mum, who is probably quite scared for GD's welfare.

singforsupper · 09/08/2011 00:32

It's what godmothers are for. Don't sit on the fence, this is a very dangerous disease, you'll regret it if you don't get involved. The survival rate is lower than that of depression. Don't leave it up to a 'unit'.

I would say definitely don't focus on Mum. This is not about Mum. (sorry)

Original poster
OneDove · 09/08/2011 00:32

Yep Mum is freaking out. Anorexia is such a personal thing and her reasons maybe completely different to why I did it. But, I came out of it and am healthy now. Will talk to best mate and see if she thinks it may be worthwhile. GD may just not want to listen at this stage.
Thanks for you replies xxx

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 00:36

Congratulations on coming through it yourself. It's the most terrible illness. I hope your dear GD will come through it too.

Birdsgottafly · 09/08/2011 01:00

The fact that you have come out the otherside may not be helpful, the GD may see it then as not as serious as it is. You have useful imput to give but it is subjective. You will be a comfort to her mum as you are living proof that this can be overcome.

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 08:46

Yes, you might do well to talk to her of girls who don't make it.

Someone I work with has a daughter with anorexia. She's now late 20s and has suffered since 18. She's been down to 4-5 stone, so she's been as bad as you can get and still lived.

She can't have children now. She won't live a long life, even if she stopped now. Her internal organs are so badly damaged and she's been told she won't be eligible for replacement organs unless they're convinced she's recovered.

borderslass · 09/08/2011 09:02

You could try but DD2 was on the verge of anorexia and WE tried talking to her My sister even showed her photographs of me when I was ill and she thought that I looked great now that she has recovered she thinks there disgusting.

ajandjjmum · 09/08/2011 09:02

I don't think that there would be any harm - and possibly a lot of good - in saying to GD 'I'm here if you need me, and I know what you're going through'.

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 09:05

So glad she recovered, borderslass.

BakeliteBelle · 09/08/2011 09:23

You sound really supportive - anorexia is such a difficult illness to understand as it seems to defy all logic - and if your GD doesn't want to talk, the mum might find you a real support. She might well feel really alone and helpless.

Perhaps all you can do is listen without judgement to your GD at the moment. Are they in touch with the charity BEAT? Perhaps you could help your friend with learning about latest research and approaches as she will have to get her head round so much information, while trying to keep her DD alive.

camdancer · 09/08/2011 09:26

Be very careful if you do talk to her. As you know anorexia can make people very devious and she could well be getting tips from you rather than positive messages about recovery. I guess it depends how your GD views things. If she feels she is still in control and everyone is making a fuss then beware.

It's why I have such issues with the "Supersize v's Superskinny" programme. They give too much detailed information about how the skinnys keep their weight down. I feel it can be very triggering.

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