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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP spending time with baby

30 replies

JollySergeantJackrum · 08/08/2011 17:43

I'd appreciate it if you could let me know how much time your DP gets to spend with your baby each day he's working, and how old your baby is. It'd be good if you could say what time bedtime is too.

E.g. how much non-sleep time your DP is home for.

Thank you.

OP posts:

MissPenteuth · 08/08/2011 17:47

1-2 hours in the morning before work.
About 2 hours after work.

DD is 17mo.

whackamole · 08/08/2011 17:48

How old is baby? What are DPs hours?

When my twins were first born, OH would leave at 8ish and help me before work. He would get in about 6.30 and again would either help with the boys or dinner or something. Fully mucked in if baths etc were required. Everything equal at the weekends. Bedtime was about 9pm, now brought forward to 7pm.

Now is the same really, they are 2.7, except he takes them to and from nursery as well and his hours are shorter (10-4).

What is it you are concerned about?

Georgimama · 08/08/2011 17:48

Baby is 10 days old. Answer, not much. Bedtime for baby is pretty much my time but based on DS (now 4) it will be the norm for baby bedtime to be about 7pm and DH would be home before then 2/5 days.

lowra · 08/08/2011 17:48

My DP gets in from work between 4.30 and 5.00 usually, and spends a couple of hours holding her/playing with her/bathing her during the evening. I usually put her to bed though and bedtime is around 8pm.

HarrietJones · 08/08/2011 17:49

Dh gets up with dd3 6:30 & leaves 8:30. Home 5:15 , bed 7:30-8. Two days a week.
3 ish other days. He goes at lunch time & home 10-11 pm.

lowra · 08/08/2011 17:49

DD is 4 months old

HarrietJones · 08/08/2011 17:50

Dh is going to be looking after her two days a week when I'm at work. Cutting a day in job 2 for that. Dd3 is 10 months

Lorelai · 08/08/2011 17:53

DD2 is 8 months, DH usually sees her for either half an hour or less in the morning and 3 hours in the evening or the other way round, depending on his shifts. Her bedtime (as in the time she actually goes to sleep) varies, but they have a bath at around 6.30 and I am feeding her to sleep from 7.15 ish until she is asleep.

faverolles · 08/08/2011 17:55

Dc4 is 6m. Dh leaves for work at 7.30, which is when I get up with ds. He gets home at 6ish, cuddles ds for a bit, maybe an hour, then goes and does allotmenty/chickeny stuff at 7.30-8, while I bath ds and settle him down.
He's a lot less hands on than he was with the others, but we have so much going on it's difficult to fit everything in.
He does more at the weekend.

bigkidsdidit · 08/08/2011 18:00

DS is 7mo. DH gets him up (wakes about 6) and gives him milk and breakfast, dresses him, and drops him at CM for 8.30. I do evening so he sometimes sees him to kiss goodnight but often not. At weekends we have one lie in each till 10 ish, we share the weekends 50:50 really.

JoandMax · 08/08/2011 18:01

Mine are just 3 and 17 months - most weeks DH leaves before they are up and 4/5 days gets home after they go to bed. He always leaves work early on a Friday to get home for 5pm so has a good couple of hours with them.

Some weeks he travels for 4 days and works from home on the 5th day but it's an easy one so he will have breakfast with us, few hours work, lunch together, bit more work and be done foe their tea/bath.

DH really misses them, I email him photos when he's at work! He takes charge at weekends and does pretty much everything with them as he wants to make the most of the time.

It's hard, we both get knackered and a bit grumpy at times but not much we can do!

StrandedBear · 08/08/2011 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catslikehats · 08/08/2011 18:12

DC4 is 5mths. DH leaves before we wake in the morning and sees her for maybe 45mins in the evening. He will get up in the night if she stirs but I am BF so if she wont settle he hands her over.

It's not much time but he spends a lot of time with them on the weekend.

Illegitimate · 08/08/2011 18:18

About an hour in the morning and he is only occasionally home for bed time.
He doesn't help at night because the baby gets so excited to see him he doesn't go back down for at least another 1-2 hours

He spends lots of time with both the baby and our elder child on the weekends.

The baby is 10 months

RedHotPokers · 08/08/2011 18:18

I have slightly older DCs (5 and 2). DH spends about an hour with them in the morning and an hour in the evening. Tbh most of this time is spent getting them dressed/undressed/bathed!! He doesn't get much of the fun time - just the tired and grouchy time!

camdancer · 08/08/2011 18:24

I have 3 DC's (4, 2, and 2 months). DH gets the older 2 up in the morning including doing breakfast and getting them dressed. He looks after whoever is awake until 8am unless DD2 needs feeding, although I have started expressing so he can do one bottle.

He comes home between 7 and 7:30pm. He puts the older 2 to bed at about 7:45 until 8:15ish. So he does the bedtime story but I do bath before he gets home, so they have some nice time to play together before he does bedtime. He doesn't get much time in the evening with DD2 as she cluster feeds.

lovelyredwine · 08/08/2011 18:30

DD is 7 months. Bedtime is 6-630. She's normally up in morning at 6ish. Dh leaves for work at 7 and gets back at 4.30ish. He normally gives her tea and is fully involved in bed/bath time. We alternate nights to put her down for the night as we don't want her to be too dependent on me doing it when I'm back at work. I will be working some evenings.

WiiUnfit · 08/08/2011 18:30

DS is 2mths, we're really lucky in that DP works early mornings so is usually home by 10am & is 'on call' for his 2nd job at home so he gets to spend pretty much all day with DS unless he gets called out. Something I was extremely grateful for post-EMCS! DS is breastfed so once he's been fed in the night DP tends to do the burping / changing / settling bit, especially if DS has been cluster feeding / fussy feeding!

Paschaelina · 08/08/2011 18:36

11months. About 25 mins before he leaves for work, he gets him up, changes nappy etc and we have a few mins in our bedroom all together. Then after work anywhere between 30 and 90 mins depending on when he gets home. Bedtime is 7pm.

Lady1nTheRadiator · 08/08/2011 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZonkedOut · 08/08/2011 18:44

On a work day, none at all - DH works away from home. DD2 is 4.5 months old.

Original poster

JollySergeantJackrum · 08/08/2011 18:49

DP leaves for work at 0710 and gets back at about 1730. I have just started instituting a routine as DS was up loads every night. As DS doesn't usually get up til 7, and feeds (BF) pretty soon after that, this means that DP will only be spending 1.5 hours with the baby each day.

DP was wondering if this was unusual as he is (understandably) feeling hard done by.

OP posts:

Original poster

JollySergeantJackrum · 08/08/2011 18:50

DS is 15 weeks.

OP posts:

Balsam · 08/08/2011 18:58

About half an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. We have a 2 year old and a 6 month old.

tortilla · 08/08/2011 18:59

Is it wrong to say it's a good sign that your DP feels hard done by? I was worrying this thread would be a 'my DP spends no time with our baby' thread.

My DH too finds it hard having so little time with the DCs. We have a 3.4yo DS and a 10mo DD. They are up at about 6.45-7 and DH is out by 8 and then he is back around 7.15 and they are in bed around 7.45 so he too only gets around 1.5 hours a day. His job is such that he can't change the hours, but as they get older we plan for him to switch to be closer to home or be able to work from home so he can spend mealtimes with them or do the school run for example.

In the meantime we do the following: DH gets ready while I bf the baby and cuddle DS, and then he takes them down for breakfast so he gets to do something with them and have time alone with them while I shower. In the evening we tweaked our 'routine' so they don't go to bed until around 7.45 so he can do bath and stories, and I tend to steer clear as much as possible so that he gets that one on one time with them and gets to do the 'chores' of parenthood too so they are used to him doing day to day stuff rather than just parachuting in for fun things. It works for them and us on a daily level and on a 'daddy is as involved a parent as mummy despite work' level.

Perhaps you can work on your DP having time alone with the baby before or after work so he gets some precious time to bond without you hovering or dictating the routine (and gives you some time to sit down too!)?

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