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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I should start driving first?

27 replies

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 12:29

Just had a disagreement with DP.
I've decided since I've started working that we NEED a car, my work is a 20 minute walk through a canel or an hour and a half commute on a bus. As I work evenings mostly its abit dangerous to walk home through a secluded place and the buses stop running I HATE forking out for taxis.
Anyway, I was planning on doing one of those intensive courses(test included) so I could pass quicker, he moans saying he should do it first as he'll pass first time This may be true but it would be too much hassle having to drag our 3 young DCs out to take me when they will be tired after school/nursery to take me to work and what happens when he has to pick me up at 10 -11 at night? He said my sister could come and sit with the kids while he comes but thats ridiculous, she has her own child to get up early with.
I've told him he can start his lessons the same time as me and add him on to the insurance when he passes but oh no this isnt good enough.
AIBU or is he?

OP posts:

SnapesMistress · 06/08/2011 12:30

Why don't you both take the intensive course?

AgentZigzag · 06/08/2011 12:32

He is, and a bit cheeky.

Why is he more likely to pass first time than you?

TimeWasting · 06/08/2011 12:32

Why does he think he'll pass first time??

squeakytoy · 06/08/2011 12:35

If YOU want to learn to drive, and YOU are going to pay for the car, then do it.

He sounds like he will feel emasculated if you can drive and he cant.

I would bear in mind though, once you add up the cost of lessons, car, insurance, it may well outweigh the costs of a cab.

However a car gives you a lot more freedom and I would have thought it a fairly vital thing to have if you have 3 children too.

FabbyChic · 06/08/2011 12:35

Seeing as it is you that needs to drive for work it stands to reason that it is you that should pass your test first. You are the one in the most need.

Having to get a sitter because only he can drive is ridiculous, what happens if your children or he is sick? He wouldn't be able to come.

Both start the lessons at the same time, both pass your test, but not so he can take you to work thats ridiculous the car be wasted.

Intensive lessons are expensive though, and you would need to do some revision for your theory.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/08/2011 12:36

It is sensible for you to get your licence ASAP for the reasons you give. Has he any reason for getting a licence ASAP,apart from not wanting to be in the position of not having something that you have?

I did a semi-intensive course, spread over two weeks - it was brilliant, I was so confident driving at the end of it, which I wasn't when I was getting one lesson a week.

Original poster

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 12:48

He thinks he'll pass first because he's driven a car afew times, I haven't.

Cant afford to do us both snapes the reason I want to do one is I'm coming into a little bit of money soon, I want to do it before October because its my 21st so my mum and dad are giving me money towards a car.
Squeaky- thats another reason its so hard trying to get around with 3 young DCs so I never get to take them to nice places

They are expensive fabby but a local driving school offer a 30 hour intensive course including test for £500 30 hours of £22 lessons would cost me 660 alone not inc test so its better in the long run.

OP posts:

feckwit · 06/08/2011 12:52

I did an intensive course when I learned (18 years ago) and it was fab. Highly recommend it.

And yes, you should learn first!

Mitmoo · 06/08/2011 12:52

Your money, you need it most, you go for it, then when you've passed for a year I think it is, you can teach him how to drive.

MadameLupino · 06/08/2011 12:52

My lessons have cost me £500 so far, plus £100 for the test and whatever for the theory - £25 ish I think. And I don't have my test for another fortnight - I may not even pass. That intensive course is good value.
There is NO reason that he will pass first time because he has driven a few times before. He's an eejit.

Original poster

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 12:56

Think thats exactly it WYLI he wants to be the one who drives.
Are they worth it then? I'd be doing one spread over afew weeks too.
If you don't mind me asking did you pass first time? Or was the test less unnerving?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 06/08/2011 12:59

Sounds to me like he's worried about you having your "freedom" tbh

RandomMess · 06/08/2011 12:59

Also is he can't afford to buy a car then why does he expect you to let him drive yours before you..........................

just wierd IMHO

TheBride · 06/08/2011 13:00

I failed my first test and I was a good driver- I just panicked in the test........therefore YANBU as you may well have nerves of steel whilst your DH might be more like me....

DadIsSad · 06/08/2011 13:08

20 minute walk? 1 mile? You don't NEED a car. If you can't afford to both learn to drive, then can you afford to run a car (you might be getting some money towards a car, but have you checked how much insurance is for a 21yo new driver?)

I get the point about not wanting to walk home late at night (or even at other times) along a secluded canal, but is cycling not an option for example?

bubblesincoffee · 06/08/2011 13:11

He doesn't like the idea of his dp having a driving licence when he doesn't have one. It's a male ego thing. Tell him to grow up.

Mitmoo · 06/08/2011 13:13

The OP wouldn't be any safer on bike in secluded places rather than on foot. I think it's right that she wants to get driving for her own safety FWIW

Original poster

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 13:25

We CAN both afford to learn to drive I can only afford to do one intensive course and he can do weekly lessons. Of course I've checked how much insurance is for me and it will be expensive but its doable and the pros of having a car far outweigh the cons.
And me? Cycling? I havent rode a bike since I was 10 and was never good at riding them anyway I dont think I'd be much safer anyway plus where I would have to ride is abit awkward.

OP posts:

Original poster

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 13:27

bubbles - agreed he does need to grow up hes currently stropping because he knows I'm right

OP posts:

Ephiny · 06/08/2011 13:27

So you want to drive to get to/from work, but instead of you learning he thinks he should learn instead and drop you off/pick you up - in the car that you buy? That makes NO sense (unless there was some reason you were unable to drive, which doesn't sound like there it). I can't understand his reasoning at all.

It does sound a bit odd to me to have all the hassle and expense of learning to drive and buying a car, just to avoid a 20 minute walk - especially as driving is far from 100% safe, particularly for novice drivers - but I'm not in your shoes so if you feel it's necessary then that's your judgement to make.

Original poster

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 13:37

Ephiny - I don't mind walking, I walk everywhere. Its WHERE I walk thats the problem and when the winter comes its going to be dark walking there AND back. I work mostly evenings.
Also I would like to see family more often that live far away & Its so hard getting around with 3 young DCs so we rarely go anywhere we cant get to on foot. There isn't much to do around here either.

OP posts:

Ephiny · 06/08/2011 13:56

Fair enough, sounds like it would be very useful for you. Good luck with the lessons :)

Original poster

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 14:04

Thanks

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/08/2011 14:26

OP, I passed my test after doing the semi-intensive course, had failed it three times previously . It did make me feel more confident, because when you're spending three hours at a time in the car you just get more comfortable with everything. With weekly lessons, the first twenty minutes of each one-hour lesson were effectively wasted as I re-acquainted myself with being behind the wheel.

Original poster

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 14:27

Sounds like its a better choice all round then

OP posts:

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