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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dating.... AIBU?

15 replies

lubeybooby · 06/08/2011 11:49

So, first date with a chap last night, it was good... no sparks flying or anything but we talked for three hours and had a good laugh, and loosely arranged a second date.

He lives quite far from me but I was happy to travel for the date as I knew he had not long been made redundant. He walked me to the train station, but then didn't check I got home ok. The train station was on his way home anyway...

AIBU to think that the kind of nice, considerate man I'm looking for would check, or at least ask me to let him know I was back ok? Is that unreasonable or old fashioned?

Am I being too harsh on the lookout for 'red flags'? I know that isn't one particularly, but could be just an indication that he either isn't that interested, or isn't the aforementioned kind and considerate person I am looking for...?

What say you, MN Jury?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 06/08/2011 11:53

I'd have expected him to say text me to let me know you got home safe.

YouDoTheMath · 06/08/2011 11:54

He probably ought to have asked, but might have felt a bit awkward about contacting you straight after the date.

Also, he may have felt satisfied that you were safely deposited at the train station and didn't realty give the other end of the journey a thought.

Give him a chance - another date at least. You might find the sparks fly a little more freely when you're both a bit more at ease with each other.

YouDoTheMath · 06/08/2011 11:55

*really

AandK · 06/08/2011 11:55

wayhey you had a date.

ok maybe he thinks you're "a new modern woman" who doesn't need to be checked on IYSWIM.

wait to see if you hear from him today.

You should at least so he can thank you for the night and to say he's looking forward to the next time you're supposed to be meeting up.

If you don't especially by 1pm then no I wouldn't bother with the 2nd date as he's clearly either not interested or rather detached from good manners

HairyGrotter · 06/08/2011 11:58

Hmm I would've expected a 'Please let me know you got home ok' type comment when saying goodbye. Each of my dates have requested that.

I will ask the same if they have travelled to me as I would like to know that they got home safe.

BUT I wouldn't write someone off for it, but it's a touch 'meh' for me

Original poster

lubeybooby · 06/08/2011 12:02

Thanks all

Hairygrotter yes thats exactly what I'm thinking... a bit meh. I've dated in the past before my last relationship, and been on a few dates since the end of that relationship this year and each has asked me to let them know I got back ok and/or texted or called to say thanks.

I don't think I can totally write him off just for that, but... well.... meh.

OP posts:

HairyGrotter · 06/08/2011 12:03

Yeah, I wouldn't invest too much effort into him lol

Nancy66 · 06/08/2011 12:04

Hmmm - i wouldn't make a big deal of it - personally i'd have found it a bit claustrophobic and needy if a guy did that to me after one date.

he prob just doesn't want to be too full on too soon

howabout · 06/08/2011 12:06

I don't like being checked up on so would have taken exception to him asking me to confirm I was OK - what would he be in a position to do if you weren't. Depending on where you live I would have been more miffed at being expected to travel home on my own by public transport, but that's because I don't get out much now as would have had no qualms about it in my reckless youth.

The only feeling so so about the whole experience after 3 hours and the lack of gainful employment would be the issues for me. If you are not hanging by the phone for him then I probably wouldn't bother with a second date - plenty better fish in the sea.

HairyGrotter · 06/08/2011 12:06

Thing is Nancy66 I would say the same to friends if I was leaving them to make their own way home etc. I just find it polite I guess, regardless of whom is asking

AandK · 06/08/2011 12:13

Yes Hairy

Its just polite to say maybe a text the next day saying "I hope you got home safe, thank for a nice time and see you......."

howabout I wouldn't be so awful to him after he was made redundant so soon, he probably already feels so awful about it and at the mo its pretty common

springydaffs · 06/08/2011 13:31

aha, imo you made the mistake of going to him. Men don't value what they get easily.

Birdsgottafly · 06/08/2011 13:35

If he isn't what you want, then don't persue it.

I have always wanted 'sparks flying' and a more protective type of man. Its about what you want. It's nice to be asked 'do you want to txt me when you get in?'.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 06/08/2011 15:28

He walked me to the train station Did he see you onto the train?

If not, he's either lacking in the fine art of gentlemanly etiquette or indifferent to your charms.

If, on the other hand, he put you on the train and waved bye-bye as it left the station it wouldn't be necessary, and could be seen as somewhat intrusive, for him check that you reached your destination.

You wouldn't have committed a social faux pas if you had sent a text to let him know you were safely at home before hearing from him, but it's too late now and youre best advised to wait until he makes contact with you - or not as the case may be.

BTW, I'm in complete accord with springy - with few exceptions, the male of the species appears to be genetically programmed to prefer the thrill of the chase to having their prey present itself on a plate.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 06/08/2011 15:30

Please insert ' between the u and r of youre

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