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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Feel I shouldn't have to keep reminding her.................

18 replies

sofadweller · 01/08/2011 21:48

Okay, maybe this is trivial. 15 year old DS has been feeding my friends pets for them while they've been away for a week. He went twice a day and also sorted out post, curtains, lights etc.

He's done this for her in the past as well. Issue is that each time, I have to remind her to pay him (as was agreed) for doing it. I've had to ask again today as DS says he doesn't want to ask her himself.

This time she said she had no money but would get some and drop it round later. No sign yet. I know she will pay up eventually but I'm starting to get irritated.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

MrsReasonable · 01/08/2011 21:51

I think YABU to remind her - he's 15, he can ask himself. But YWNBU to remind him!

DontAskMeSums · 01/08/2011 21:51

No you're not if this isn't a one off. Tell her he needs the money to buy xyz and say she has to pay up front in future.

tulpe · 01/08/2011 23:02

YANBU

Her behaviour is rude and i would imagine many 15 year olds would find it awkward to ask for money they are owed in this situation.

iscream · 02/08/2011 04:18

She should have had the money ready to give him the day they arrived home, or else the next day.
You shouldn't have to remind, her, but I see nothing wrong with you doing so. How long has she been back home?

ragged · 02/08/2011 06:44

I would remind her and tell my DS not to mind the pets again.

tawrag · 02/08/2011 06:46

YANBU. She is. She should have the money up front instead of making things awkward for your son and you. Tell him not to do it again.
Maybe she really feels she shouldn't have to pay him for a neighbourly act?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 02/08/2011 06:57

That's cheeky of her!

HipHopOpotomus · 02/08/2011 07:18

Gee some people seem to cruise through life taking the piss don't they? YANBU and next time she shd pay in
Advance to avoid the hassle and awkwardness she is causing.

Original poster

sofadweller · 02/08/2011 09:37

Thanks for replies.

She has been back 4 days, don't think DS will get his money until the weekend now. I will ask her to pay up front next time and see how she responds to that suggestion.

OP posts:

kaid100 · 02/08/2011 10:43

Why doesn't he just pop around to their house and not mention the money, but just sort of wait until the money is given to him. I once used this technique to get money I was owed for watering someone's plants. I went round to their house, they realised why I was there and passed me the money without anyone actually mentioning it out loud, all very polite.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 02/08/2011 13:54

That's a good suggestion kaid. I could do that as an adult but don't think I could have as a teenager! I wouldn't have had the balls, and I would have been too shy to speak once I got there!

Like the technique though.

Spuddybean · 02/08/2011 14:09

i used to babysit for my parents friends and they would always forget to pay me. i used to hang around waiting hoping they would pay but no, they knew exactly why i was there and would just say 'bye then'.

One couple used to come home seperately and say the other would pay me.

One woman also used to expect me to clean her house so would leave all the washing up and ironing out. After a while i just stopped doing it and she was really angry (she would pick me up at 6pm so i could watch the kids while she got ready and be out till 4am -she was a recently divorced mum, so i would stay the night and she would drop me home the next morning) when she came home one night at 4am she dragged me out of bed screaming about how ungrateful i was that she was paying me £10 and how dare i not clean her kitchen! I burst into tears and apologised and she watched as i washed up in my nightie. (i was 14)

She's still my mums friend and i want to punch her!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 02/08/2011 14:13

Spuddybean !!!!!!!!! Did you tell your mum?! Have you ever said anything now you are an adult?

Spuddybean · 02/08/2011 14:37

WGME Yes i told my mum. Mum said she couldn't afford to go out much as her ex wasn't giving her any money and she worked full time so couldn't do the chores. She said she shouldn't have done that tho, but better to just leave it!

i also used the phone once from her line (the telly was broken and there was nothing to do) and when she got the itemised bill she shouted at me and knocked the £2 off my next wages.

Mum just felt sorry for her and said if it wasn't for me she would never be able to go out so guilted me into carrying on babysitting.

No, i have never said anything now i'm an adult - i just am civil.

She goes on about what a great time we used to have together when i babysat! i think some people think children should be grateful for anything they get and that your standards are lower, so, £10 would be considered a lot of money etc (it wasn't a lot of money even then!).

janelikesjam · 02/08/2011 15:07

what I would do is - not ask for the money. Just leave it and see how long she takes to cough up. I agree with other posters.

If she doesn't offer off her own back to pay within a reasonable time (say a week) then I would forget the money, but just never agree to do it again!!!!!!!!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 02/08/2011 19:02

Spuddybean That's not right is it?!?! I was wondering if you as an adult now ever have issues with assertiveness and being able to say no? The reason I ask is that I was often guilted into doing things as a child, like playing with children I really didn't want to, doing everything for everyone, being made to feel guilty if I said that I was upset about something which wasn't something that was ever encouraged, even going out with guys. My mum would say "aaah but he asked so you can't say no". My childhood learning was based on guilt. As a result I could never ever say no to anyone about anything once I grew up and had to go to counselling and part of that was learning to say no, and that I have the right to not do things if they are not in my best interests, regardless of how guilty the other person may make me feel. I learnt that I was entitled to make myself happy and not just other people.

Sorry for going on if this is completely off the mark

kaid100 · 02/08/2011 21:34

That's a good suggestion kaid. I could do that as an adult but don't think I could have as a teenager! I wouldn't have had the balls, and I would have been too shy to speak once I got there! Like the technique though.

In fact, I was a teenager when I used this technique, but more like 18/19 than 15.

mamas12 · 02/08/2011 21:38

Hmmm wonder what would happen if he he forgot to go next time??

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