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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just want to give up?

18 replies

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 29/07/2011 21:38

My marriage has gone to shit, although we still share the same house (nightmare).

I have no career, not even a job.

My ADs have had no effect whatsoever so far.

A neighbour slagged me off in public today accusing me of being a rubbish parent and not giving a shit about my kids. I was (am) really upset about this one as I think I break my balls to be a good mum.

Am just so at the end of my tether I just want to give up completely. Does that make me unreasonable?

OP posts:

InfestationofLannisters · 29/07/2011 21:39

YANBU!

Not at all.

alowVera · 29/07/2011 21:40

How long have you been on your ADs for, they generally take a few weeks to "kick in".
I think you neighbour is a bitch.

Hang on in there.

AgentZigzag · 29/07/2011 21:41

Have you been taking your ADs long enough for them to have started working? If you have, a visit to your Dr to talk about dosage might be a good thing?

I'm not surprised what your neighbour said has upset you a lot. Have you got any history with them? Sounds like they were trying to hurt you and knew how to twist the knife.

YANBU to be at the end of your tether, but there are things you can do to help get some control over your life.

DoMeDon · 29/07/2011 21:43

It is entirley human to want to give up, You won;t as you have DC who love and need you. You will get through this. Counselling and AD's are a great combination - are you having some?

Bigglewinkle · 29/07/2011 21:45

((((Hugs)))) I hope things get better for you and YANBU

Original poster

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 29/07/2011 22:35

Agent, would love to know what these things are that I can do to get control of my life

ATM it all feels like everything is spiralling out of control.

I have been on ADs for 3 months. GP won't give me a repaet prescription as she says she wants to keep an eye on me. Another thing I'm a failure at, can't even be trusted by GP now to take one tablet a day.

OP posts:

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/07/2011 22:40

If your ADs are not working go back to your GP. She obviously knows that you are in a bad place so be honest about how bad it is. Are you feeling worse than you did when started them, as sometimes this happens and your prescription needs to be changed. Also ask her to refer you to counselling.

I know that it is hard and you can feel like everyday is a fight, but don't give up.

AgentZigzag · 29/07/2011 22:47

It's not that your doctor doesn't trust you Nick, it's that she cares

How you can get control is in you somewhere.

You could try to tackle the things you're feeling out of control with by prioritising them according to whether you think there's something you can do about them (like going back to the doctor and letting her try to help) or ones that are causing you the most stress (like your DH).

Although they're probably all tied up with each other.

When you think of yourself in what's going to be your happy future (and it is there!) what kinds of things have changed in your life?

Original poster

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 29/07/2011 22:48

Dione, yes, of course you are right. I CANNOT give up for sake of my DCs. Just feel like it. Maybe I'm just too sensitive and should become harder. Justnot in my nature I'm afraid. But tips on how to grow a hard shell would be good.

ATM I feel like never leaving the house again as, apparently, my DS1 is a nuisance with a bad boy reputation and IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

OP posts:

CRS · 29/07/2011 22:53

I have a friend who is in a situation like yours (unless you ARE my friend, which is possible!). If your oldest child begins with P, PM me! Mediation through RELATE might help, maybe?

Original poster

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 29/07/2011 23:01

No I am not your friend, sorry CRS. But thanks for the advice. Is Relate expensive, and don't they have really long waiting lists?

I am prepared to go on my own. Am prepared to try anything ATM to improve things.

OP posts:

CRS · 29/07/2011 23:03

I THINK Relate is free - no idea about waiting lists though. Good luck with it all, I hope you will all be OK.

LineRunner · 29/07/2011 23:04

And don't listen to idiot neighbours. Usually they have a pop because they have miserable lives and want to take it out on someone else.

You focus on the two things that would be good to achieve next week.

Go back to your GP.

Tell your GP what you need.

Good luck; and look forward.

StableButDeluded · 29/07/2011 23:06

agentzigzag is right about your GP, it's not that you can't be trusted,or are a failiure- it's because she wants to monitor you to see how you are doing. She does care.

I know what it's like to feel the way you do-my marriage recently ended suddenly and it was totally unexpected for me. My father died at the same time and life was (and still is sometimes) pretty shitty. I was already on ADs and had Diazapam (tranquilizers) for occasional use, however I started using the tranquilisers every day to help me cope, and now I have to see my GP every week. Not just to get medication, but to just let her see how I'm doing, etc. It is NOT a failiure on your part, you are just in a very bad place that is making you think very negatively about yourself.

If you have been on the ADs for three months and don't feel they are helping, it is possible that you may need a higher dose or a change to a different AD. noit all ADs suit everyone. I was on Prozac initially, which did nothing for me, but then I was switched to another and started to feel better after about two weeks.

TheFrogs · 29/07/2011 23:09

Three months is long enough for ADs to work. I think you should go back to your gp very soon. It could be dosage or just that particular one doesn't work for you, i'm no doctor but i've tried various different ADs over the years before finding a suitable one. Not that ADs fix anything, but it's easier to cope with when your head is clearer.

What problems are you having with your neighbour?

StableButDeluded · 29/07/2011 23:15

Relate isn't free, but they do charge on a sliding scale according to income and whether you are on benefits. When ex-H and I went a couple of years ago we paid £40 per session, however since we split in may I went on my own and paid £25. I haven't yet been back as I feel I'm not really ready, but I do want to go on my own to help me get over DH leaving me.

As for waiting times, I guess it depends how many Relate centres you have near you and when you can go. When we wanted an evening appointment we had to wait about a month for the initial appointmnet, but then after that we went ever week. Whereas if we could have gone during the day, we could have been seen the same week we contacted them.

Have a look at their website www.relate.org and ring the 0300 number on there for further info about fees and waiting times-they are really nice, honest!

I really think Relate are worth trying, even better if your OH is prepared to go. But going on your own will be helpful for you too. I know that might sound weird coming from someone who went and is now separated, but things definitely improved a lot when DH & I were seeing them. It was a combination of not sticking to the advice Relate gave us, and other circumstances that led to us splitting.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/07/2011 23:16

How many dc do you have, and what are their ages?

Is your marriage over in all but name? If so, when will your h be leaving the marital home?

Did you work prior to dc and is there any realistic prospect of you returning to the same line of work or seeking employment in a new field?

Original poster

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 30/07/2011 21:53

Thanks for all your lovely replies. I have been festering over this all day, why do I let this stuff get to me so much?

With regards to neighbour...my DS1 was playing with her daughter and they (both) took out the plastic drain cover outside fron door. DS then ran off with it and threw it in some bushes, so I was informed by irate Gran later. I was on local park at the time with other DCs. Told DS1 to retrieve this thing and apologise, which he did. As far as I was concerned it was just high spirits and it had been sorted.
DS1 was then keeping an eye on other DCs whilst I took all their paraphenalia(scooter, bike, ball, dolls) back across the road to put in our garden.
As I was doing this a car pulled up and DS1' 'friend' ran across to the car shouting "mum, you'll be so pleased, DS1 has been naughty again" and proceeded to embelish the whole story.

I went back on park and asked all DCs to come in now as it was time to go in. This woman then came storming over and demanded to know why DS1 was still outside and not grounded immediately, that I was a bad mother who did not give a shit about my children. Also that DS1 was a bad child who the whole neighbourhood hated and what he had just done was a terrible, terrible thing.

I explained that he was helping me get the other DCs back inside and that he would be punished, but that how this happened was my bussiness, not hers.
Never spoken to this woman before in my life, just so shocked that she could think it okay to tell me how to punish my DCs.

OP posts:

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