Is DH or DS?

[bumpsoon]

DS is 17 and my DH has told him that through the week he has to be in by 11pm , he doesnt have a curfew on friday or saturday as such ,except that if he is staying over somewhere he needs to let us know in advance so we can lock up . DH's reasoning is that he isnt on holiday and has to get up early ,well 8am ,and when DS comes in he isnt the quietest child and will wake DH up . I on the otherhand can sleep through anything . I think DH is being reasonable ,but DS doesnt .

Perhaps DS could be given some tips on making a quieter entry? Otherwise I'm with DH.

He is 17 and really that isnt a child.

No matter what his age he should have the manners to come in quietly and not disturb anyone else, but at 17, I wouldnt expect time restrictions.

Yes, DH is being reasonable and DS isn't. It's about respecting the needs of others (especially if those others are working all week to keep a roof over your head).

Can you give DS the option of staying with friends on weeknights as well? Given that the issue seems to be him coming in late in the week and DH up rather than it being 'past his bedtime'?

Of course DS doesn't. :) This is all part of the glorious process that gently pushes grown up kids out of the door and convinces them that they'd be better off with a place of their own. Did you add the words 'this isn't a hotel' to the conversation? Please say you did...

I think YABU. 17 is very close to being an adult, surely he can be given his own key and told to keep the noise to an absolute minimum when he comes home? 8am isn't particularly early to have to get up, I could understand if your DH had to get up at 5/6...

Curfew at 17 is perfectly acceptable, I'd say.

Sorry shoul;d say that sometimes DH does have to get at 4am -6am when he is working away ,its only when working from home that he gets up at 8 . The other problem is DH is a very light sleeper ,im not, so what time DS gets in doesnt effect me .
cogito i have never uttered those words ,but for DH they are a mantra

He has had several keys and lost them ! I do understand what you are saying about him being nearly an adult , but he doesnt contribute anything to the household except mess /bills ,while he is still in full time education i accept that. DH was living in his own flat in abject poverty at his age and i was living a lovely cosseted life with my parents , although i had to pull my weight with household chores ( did most of the ironing, helped with cleaning, gardening, and had to babysit when needed).

IMO... your house = your rules
at 17yrs if he doesn't like it, he can look for an alternative
although clearly if he has lost 'several' keys he is not mature enough to fend for himself, which brings me back to my first point.

He's not in school at the moment, though, InTheNightKitchen. It's school holidays!

Perhaps if your son could prove that he could come in quietly then the "curfew" could be lifted/extende for the holiday?

Your house - your rules. I'd also be making him do chores or get a job during the summer holiday. I worked in the summer holidays from the age of 16.

It's the holidays, you and dh abu.

Fair enough to make him learn that he has to be quieter, and if he doesn't he gets no money or some other sanction placed on him, because it's your house and he has to learn to be considerate.

But he is 17! You can't give a 17yo a curfew on a holiday night. I was living alone by that age.

I'd be making him pay for keys that he has lost, and for a new set if he wants to have a full set now.

Can't dh wear earplugs?

I wouldn't expect a 17 year old to come in by 11pm but I would expect them to be quiet. I would also let them have a key. Yes I know he's list several but what are you going to do when he's 18? Is he able to stay at friends during the week? We had this trouble with DD2 although she didn't start staying out really late until she was 18 but she dud quite often come in after 11pm when she was 17. She belonged to a few Drama clubs and rehearsal often went on until at least 10pm.

I think that if he is still at school/in education or working, he should have a 'curfew'/agreed time during the week. Actually I think at 17 midnight is enough at the weekends as well unless he is going to a pre-arranged event. Are you not helping him to train himself for adulthood. 17 is NOT adult yet!

YANBU - if he doesn't like the house rules let him get his own house to rule. 11pm is late enough to do what he wants, although I would be inclined to let him stay over at friends mid-week if he wishes, as a compromise.

I don't agree with letting teenagers stay up till all hours then lazing in bed till mid afternoon though either

I forgot to say that there is a rule in our house that anyone including DH and I have to let the others know roughly how late we'll be home. Our DD's have to let us know if they are skipping over at a friends well did we only have DD3 at home now. But when DD2's home she still let's us know and she's 21 now.

Do you have teenagers, DoMeDon?

my dh tried to put this curfew on ds who is 16.
we can;t sleep until he is in.
he has a friend, of 17, who isnt allowed back home if it iis too late and they have locked up

this thread seems to be 50/50 and therefore isnt helping my predicament

No, why? Do you Imperial?

I have a 17 year old and on weekdays I expect him home by 11 ish or to know where he is and what time he will be home,weekends 12 ish but if hes out somewhere it can be later and quite often his Dad will go and collect him and his mates and ferry them around at 3am.

He doesnt have a key- Im very anal about security and he would lose it im sure.

He knows the rules/expectations and he adheres to them.

He does stay in bed til lunchtime though .