Should I pull DH up on this?

[EuphemiaMcGonagall]

DD (9) has a friend from nursery who is now at a different school. DD was fretting on Saturday about how she hadn't seen her for ages and she told me this morning that DH said she maybe shouldn't see her because she is:

Bad-mannered, never says please or thank-you;
Arrogant;
A spoiled brat.

These things happen to be true, but was DH reasonable to say them to DD?

I think he's projecting: he's been having a crap time at work for about a year, has no respect for his employers and tars anyone he takes a dislike to with the same brush.

Discuss it, or leave it?

Dont see why it is a problem if it is true.

If it's true could it be the reason?

It wasn't right to say it to your DD, true or not.

YABU my DD is 7 and I have told her I wont be asking her friend who she also met in nursery again as she is rude, demanding and seems to encurage bad behaviour. Your DD is 9! Old enough to understand.

That was part of my worry, that as soon as they have a fall-out she will list all the things her dad has said! We hardly see these people, so I don't much care about it getting back to the parents.

I just don't want things to be difficult for DD - she has asked my advice about "friends" before and I've been honest if I've thought the person was bad for her, but for DH to pile on that on her unprompted was a bit much, in my opinion. Just because he dislikes a girl DD now sees half a dozen times a year, did it really warrant that?

Eeek! I think it's sort of fair enough for your DH to be honest with you DD about what he thinks of this girl . . . to a certain extent. Maybe he could have put it a bit more diplomatically?

When I was a few years older then that my dad called my best friend a slapper. I told her (god knows why!) and she told her mum. Her mum was SOOOO angry. Thought she was going to go round and punch my dad. Never did though.

If she is arrogant, ill mannered and bratty then I don't see the problem. I would say the same to my DD and she is 6.

Dd has a lot of trouble with a friend whose dad apparently a) does not believe dd is disabled but thinks it's just attention seeking b) says he would rather not have her round/invite her to his dd's parties because of it being awkward.

Dd's friend relays all these comments to dd who suffers from anxiety and depression. Charming.

Obviously, this is partly a problem with dd's friend who cannot keep her little mouth shut. But I can't help thinking it is also a problem with the dad: he must know by now that his dd is a blabber.

Would you say the girl actually is arrogant and bratty, OP- or is this his ill humour exaggerating?

Sorry I misunderstood thought he was referring to your dd

cory, I think I'd have to have this out with the dad. Let him know that you know what he's been saying about your child.

OP, if your DD's friend has been badly behaved in your house or unkind to your child, then it is fair enough not to invite her over again and to tell your DD why. If, otoh, your DH just doesn't like her, then he ought to keep that to himself, so long as she is behaving well towards your own DD.

cory Well he sounds charming

I think "because she never says please or thank you" is fine; it's a simple statement of fact. "Arrogant" or "spoiled brat" are more generalist subjective sweeping statements so less appropriate.