To Steal This Piglet ?

[AnneWiddecomesArse]

I've been on a few bike rides with DD and we pass a small farm with a sow and nine little piglets. We've started to take chopped apples for them etc.
Anyway there is this tiny piggy who is obviously the runt. He's the tiniest and gets bullied by the other piglets; and the sow is rather rough/callous with him.
We have a real connection; I just feel it in my water. He looks me straight in the eye and we have empathy.
Can I nick him, stick him in my back pack and keep him ?

I'd post money to the farm after the escape.

Do. Raise him as your second child and give him a wee dress and bonnet.
What will you do when he's the size of your bathtub, with sharp teeth tho? Naughty step?

Tiny teeny pigs grow into enormous poo machines. Even runts. They eat constantly and if they get in a bad mood, they can charge, squash you against the side of the pen and even nip you. Although this is only if you do not look after them properly. You will have to clean out sour foul smelling pig poo every day, become splattered in muck.

Pigs are highly intelligent and also social. One pig will be distressed and lonely. He will want to be with you all the time. If not he/she will pace, cry, snuffle and even break out to charge through your kitchen, eating and pooing everywhere.

Neighbours will complain. The council will come round. The RSPCA will be involved. Eventually, the pig will be taken away and you will cry, but be strangely relieved.

Piglet still look cute?

You are not BU. Every home needs a piglet.....

My built-in bullshit detector has just redlined.

Still, an entertaining start to the week. I am stuck at home with the mother of all colds (if that is not too sexist an expression) and glad of a smile.

Steal it!!!

Admit it. You just fancy a bacon sandwich.

Working on the assumption that the movie Babe is in fact a true story, I would do it.

Contact the farmer and offer to buy it for an irresistible amount.

It is a Babe moment.
I have land and a big house. I don't have close neighbours. I have a teenage DD, the house is already a tip, so you'd hardly notice a pig.
I know piglets get bigger, even runts.

But pigs are highly intellegent and can be house trained; which is more than I've managed with DD. And I work from home and we would both appreciate company.
And there's this real connection.

:o at happymole!

do you heart the pig or pity the pig? need to establish some baselines here.

It's a combination of heart and pity. He just looks so sad.

Totally do it if you have all that space for it x

Pigs get mahoosive. And some of them become right moody bastards. Of you take the cute ickle piglet home this summer, next summer it will be demanding human food and biting your arse if you don't let it sleep in your bed. And have you smelled a pig's fart? Evil. Pure, nasal torture.

What is the current sentence likely for piggy rustling?
I'm not sure explaining to the farmer or judge that 'you have a connection with the piglet' will help your case...

Take it Home ?? What about the smell ? How do you know the piggy will be able to stand it ?

"Pigs get mahoosive" Check. We have empathy
"Right Moody Bastards" Check. Teenager
Demanding Human Food" Check DH and DD
"Biting your arse if you don't let it sleep in your bed". Sounds kind of nice. A bit of passion would be nice.
Farts ??? Noooooooo.

I don't know about pig rustling. Is it a criminal offense ? It's theft when you deprive an owner of goods permanently. Could I just kidnap foster it until it starts farting ?

Another in the 'yes, dooooo, steal the piggy, just to amuse the rest of us'

Who wouldn't want a little piggy, and I understand that if you feed them cod liver oil five times a day they stay teeeny tiny little pigglings for ever and ever and can be taught to chase off burglars and fold laundry.

My understanding may be flawed

ONLY on mumsnet.

But if you stole a bloody argos pencil, you'd get posts telling you how dishonest you were.

Btw, yes to stealing piggy.

Rofl at 'real connection' with piglet and looking into each other's eyes.

I want a piglet now.

Also you'd need a small holders licence and to submit paperwork just to move the piglet to your house.

We need to see a photo before we can decide. Please please please please please please please [dd asking for something emoticon].

AnneWiddicomesArse - the Mumsnet rustler.

It's geese that chase off burglers. I know this because we pass the Church and they've bought six to stop them loosing the lead off the roof again. They're bastards and I go up the Church hill like Contador on a good day.

Folded laundry would be a good thing that doesn't happen at the moment.

I can just see you now on the news... being dragged away by the police/men in white coats "The internet told me to do it!!!"