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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset by sisters wedding plans?

24 replies

freddy05 · 17/07/2011 22:00

So second wedding. big fuss but officially only a 'simple' wedding. She's having small bridesmaids so DD is being a bridesmaid and thay are having all the men in kilts so DH is involved, dressed as part of the party etc. I however am not involved at all, well apart from doing her hair. I am the only member of the family not involved which will be very obvious because I have been told to stay well clear of the wedding colours. We have to travel a long way for the wedding and again for the reception which are both a long way from our home and i really can't be bothered.

I was forced to have her as a bridesmaid when i got married, i only wanted one little girl, and she spent the rehersal discribing my dress to DH, what will you do with the train, how are you going to deal with the long vail, will the sleeves get in the way of your bouquet etc etc etc. AND she announced she was pregnant to the family the second the ceremony was over so you can tell she's not the nicest person when it comes to weddings.

So AIBU for really not wanting to go and being a little put out that i have been excluded from the 'family' wedding party.

OP posts:

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 17/07/2011 22:05

Yes. Rise above it. It's only a party at the end of the day. Go, have fun, have a drink. enjoy watching your daughter be a bridesmaid.

Just out of interest - how were you 'forced' to have her as your bridesmaid?

worraliberty · 17/07/2011 22:07

YABU so your DH is wearing a kilt and your DD is a little Bridesmaid

What part would you like to play? I don't see there's a 'part' left really

Original poster

freddy05 · 17/07/2011 22:08

My mother told me that she would disown me if I didn't ask her because she was so upset when her sister didn't ask her when she got married but had the children instead. I guess I may be more upset that that only applied to me and my sister can miss me out with no questions asked.

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 17/07/2011 22:08

Drama Queen? That way OP could at least wear a crown in the wedding colours.

bubblesincoffee · 17/07/2011 22:10

You say you can't be bothered, and that you are put out not to be involved - it can't be both!

I think she probably does think she is involving you by asking you to do her hair. When I went though my bridezilla phase and looked on a couple of wedding forums, asking people to do hair or make up seems to be seen as an acceptable way of keeping someone involved. Which isn't too bad as far as I can see, you will get to share the fun girlie getting ready bit of the day with your sister, which does make you more invloved than just another guest.

TeamEdward · 17/07/2011 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubblesincoffee · 17/07/2011 22:11

What did you do at her first wedding?

squeakytoy · 17/07/2011 22:11

You are doing her hair.. that certainly shows an element of faith and trust in you on her part.

pingu2209 · 17/07/2011 22:11

You sound jelous of her to be honest.

MirandaGoshawk · 17/07/2011 22:11

You're her sister and you CBA to go to her wedding because... you won't have a 'part' to play? How about 'Nice smiley lady guest who is the bride's sister'?

banana87 · 17/07/2011 22:14

YANBU but keep tight lipped and just get on with it. Some battles are not worth fighting, this is one of them.

Original poster

freddy05 · 17/07/2011 22:15

Big glass of wine and be happy I don't have to wear an uncomfortable dress it is.

Thanks guys you are fab at making things look straight when family tensions mess with things.

xxx

OP posts:

Claw3 · 17/07/2011 22:16

You wanted to be bridesmaid?

MerylStrop · 17/07/2011 22:18

surely it is a huge big massive relief NOT to have to be part of the weddig party, in that case?
you can wear something of your own choosing....got to be good news
so long as the seating plan doesn't banish you to the corridor
or maybe she just thinks you're going to rain all over her parade?

MerylStrop · 17/07/2011 22:19

x posted.

that's the spirit!

A1980 · 17/07/2011 22:22

she spent the rehersal discribing my dress to DH, what will you do with the train, how are you going to deal with the long vail, will the sleeves get in the way of your bouquet etc etc etc. AND she announced she was pregnant to the family the second the ceremony was over so you can tell she's not the nicest person when it comes to weddings.

She sounds just like my sister TBH. Just the sort of spiteful things she'd do to apoil everything i had. I know what it's like to have a toxic sister.

Tell her to fuck off and don't go.

Original poster

freddy05 · 17/07/2011 22:22

you see the thing tonight that brought it up is the seating plan does banish me to the very end of the table, with my husband and two children but the other side of all his family who i've never met.

Will go, take loads of photos of DH in a skirt, get drunk and be the embarrassing sister in the corner

OP posts:

TeamEdward · 17/07/2011 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sassybeast · 17/07/2011 22:30

I'm not normally one to get stressed about weddings but I do understand a little of how you feel. When I got married, I went out of my way to make sure close family members were involved, as much as they wanted to be. My only brother was an usher and did a reading, my sister was bridesmaid and my nephew was page boy.
Fast forward to my brothers wedding and my sister did the reading, my nephew was by then old enough to be an usher and my other nephew was page boy. None of my kids were involved in any way, I might as well have been invisible and we were sat at one of the furthest tables from the wedding party. Ironically, my cousin, who was best man, asked me to write his speech, which I was happy to do and it had all of the guests alternating between tears and laughter. Everyone congratulated him on a fantastic speech and he told everyone that I had written it. Neither my brother or new SIL mentioned it.
Was weird and pretty hurtful - there was no huge family fall out or issue and I still don't know what the issues were. To top it all, when they got their wedding album, there wasn't a single pic of the kids or I - they'd had some other pics of the rest of the immediate family taken when I was away feeding the baby. I could almost swear SIL has a doll of me that she sticks pins in...

MerylStrop · 17/07/2011 22:32

even better. dh can look after the kids whilst you get tipsy

pigletmania · 17/07/2011 22:36

Well look at it this way. You are involved, not only is your dd a bridesmaid, but you are doing the brides hair. How can you be a bridesmaid when she is only having children. I am sure that if you were the brides brother you would be waring a kilt too. You are acting a bit childish tbh I expect you will have a great time.

pigletmania · 17/07/2011 22:38

That is awful sassy how nasty, the mentaility of some is dreadful.

Doha · 17/07/2011 22:58

You have been "trusted" to do her hair.
Do it badly

But to be honest l would just enjoy the day, perhaps she is hoping for a reaction from you. Rise above it and be the bigger person, that wouldw probably annoy her more

shortround · 17/07/2011 23:13

Defiantly wear the wrong colour!!!

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