Narc mum again!

[Chica31]

Just had a message from my mum. Can you send x and x, plus x and x a card for their wedding.

I look at it and want to just say no. I know no is a sentence, but is it worth it. I normally just do as she says to keep the peace.

I don't really know these people any more. Mum and Dad are going to the weddings I'm not. Haven't spoken to either of them in years.

Unless you're 12 you're probably a bit old for your mum to think it's her job to remind you to send cards.

If she'd told you x/x and x/x were getting married, that would be OK, but to order you to send a card is a bit off.

Does she bank on you doing as you're told to keep the peace? What happens if you don't?

There will be a huge arguement it will be my fault, I will be the unreasonable one. I will apologise then send card.

Our relationship can't go on like this...

If you were invited, send a card.

If not, don´t.

She´s hardly going to ask them, is she?

And what will happen if you don´t do as she says?

Nothing, probably.

She is going to keep going on. Have you sent a card...have you sent a card? every few days, until I either lie or just do it.

Well, if you weren´t invited, tell her no you haven´t & put the phone down-or that you are an adult & will make such decisions yourself-and put the phone down.

Or just put the phone down

Then lie. Or just do it. Or just say no.

Or indulge yourself with a little drama.

ObiWan you are right. It does sound like I am being dramatic. I am just so fed up with being ordered around by her, then me doing as I am told. I just do it to keep the peace. But I am fed up.

I know it is hardly a problem in the grand scheme of things, but I am fed up!

What's the point in sending a card to people you barely know anymore? OP, don't send a card if you don't think it's necessary. Would your mum create an uproar because she still likes to have that element of control?
Do you think that YOU not sending a card (not doing as you're told) will embarrass her, even though you don't really know the people getting married?

If you are happy to send these people a card then do so. Otherwise just lie. Your mother has no way of knowing differently unless she plans to make a complete loon of herself by interrogating them.

What's a narc mum?

I have a friend who orders me to call or send cards to friends on their birthdays. (have to confess not to being very good at remembering other people's birthdays.) It drives me absolutely to distraction. I guess it depends on how well you know these people. If they are relatives or very old friends maybe just bite the bullet and do it but keep her in the dark and don't give her the satisfaction of telling her whether you have or not. If you don't know them from Adam or don't like them just tell her to piss off. Seriously... its incredibly controlling.

So stop keeping the peace. You're an adult. Act like one.

I thought it was narcissistic Emma, but I might be wrong.

So you do what your mum says to keep the peace Chica, but you don't sound very peaceful to me.

If you don't want it to always be like this you're going to have to take control.

There are two people in your relationship with your mum, and you don't always have to 'play' the powerless role (and I don't mean that in a shitty way).

Change your role and your mum will be forced to change hers.