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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my children to remember.

19 replies

prettypurpledaisy · 13/07/2011 18:50

I have 2 dcs, one 16 and one 14. I had my final assessment today and am now a qualified teacher. Neither of them has asked how my day was let alone the outcome of the assessment. AIBU to expect them to remember?
Don't want to mention it as I am a bit hurt.
What do you think?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 13/07/2011 18:51

I don't have teens so no idea really whether yabu or not to expect them to remember. Did you give them any hints this morning? Do you have a dh/dp who will remember, possibly in front of them?

Congratulations from me though. That's a great achievement - well done!

squeakytoy · 13/07/2011 18:54

To be fair, yes you are BU to expect teens to put any importance on things like that..

Original poster
prettypurpledaisy · 13/07/2011 18:55

Thank you Hulababy, I am really pleased to have come through it. I am a single parent and it has been hard going this year. I did mention it to ds this morning and dd last night so feel a bit disappointed they have forgotten.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 13/07/2011 19:07

i don't think you're being unreasonable at all

i was not particularly close to my mum at all at that age, but if i knew she'd had an important assessment or something I would at least have grunted a "how did it go" to her or something

mo3d · 13/07/2011 19:12

Hi purple well done for becoming a qualified teacher.

I think it is hurtful that your dcs have forgotten, but teenagers can be very self-centred. If their day didn't go as good as they hoped, then your assessment will have gone clean out of their heads. Ask them (if you haven't already) how their days went, and when they've finished telling you, give them an expectant look.

exoticfruits · 13/07/2011 19:18

I think you just have to tell them-they are very self centred.

exoticfruits · 13/07/2011 19:19

I bet they will be thrilled if you tell them-just do it.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 13/07/2011 19:20

As mo3d's said, teenagers can be self-centred. Get the chat out of the way, give them the expectant look, point at the calendar, and if the required responses are not forthcoming announce 'Today is the day your mother has become a teacher - and you've got detention!' [hgrin]

Congratulations - you've done well and I have no doubt that your dc are proud of you.

Andrewofgg · 13/07/2011 20:17

OP - would you have remembered at their age?

Teens are teens and not generally the most thoughtful and considerate members of our species.

Original poster
prettypurpledaisy · 13/07/2011 20:19

They are both really apologetic that they forgot, started off with the 'you didn't tell me' routine then accepted their error. Think what makes it saddest for me is that being a single parent they are all I have got. The only person who would have been thrilled is my mum but due to her stroke and loss of cognition she really is on another planet :(.
Thanks everyone for your congratulations :).

OP posts:
amIbeingdaft · 13/07/2011 21:10

Prettypurpledaisy good luck!
I am a secondary school teacher and I can tell you that teenagers are programmed to be self centred.

Can i just add...managing PGCE as a single parent...wow! I am in total awe of you! I was young free and single and I struggled! Can't imagine doing it now I have kids.

acsec · 13/07/2011 21:15

Fantastic - well done you (as a teacher I know it's hard work)

When I was that age I thought everything was about me and was very forgetful about what other people had going on in their lives. Remind them, they'll be thrilled!

Marshy · 13/07/2011 21:19

Well done on your achievement!
I have DC the same age as yours - they are lovely, but just lately it has become apparent that they are very much the centre of their own world (particularly the 16yo) and it is a bit upsetting at times.
I had a firm talk with her about it the other day and today I came home from work to find her making dinner having just come home from spending the afternoon with her gran - she had walked and it is 6 miles there and back!
They just need reminding from time to time

EcoLady · 13/07/2011 21:19

Well done PrettyPurpleDaisy!

Have a Wine and a big Grin

(I start PGCE in Sept - huge respect to you doing it on your own)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/07/2011 21:28

Firstly, congrats! :)

Secondly, and I mean to say this gently... just because you're a single parent doesn't mean that your children will 'pick up the slack' of making you feel appreciated.... in fact, with teens, it's unlikely as they are often very self-absorbed.

Don't take offence that they forgot, just remind them and prompt them when it's something important to you that you want them to remember. That way they don't need to feel guilty and you don't need to sulk.

Think of something lovely that you can do for yourself to celebrate! :)

quirrelquarrel · 13/07/2011 21:51

YANBU

But I don't want to say anything, except...don't take it personally!

Congrats- well done!

BerryMojito · 13/07/2011 22:05

Congratulations! It's a bloody hard year, well done to survive. You know not to take your kids' behaviour personally. They will be mortified when you remind them. My Dad died last year and my teens (same ages as yours) both forgot his birthday, despite many reminders. Both were very supportive once I said something! I swear they are programmed to be selfish.

bubaluchy · 13/07/2011 22:20

Wow that is impressive, teenagers are just very egocentric, they will see what you have done when they themselves are trying to support their children and study too.
WELL DONE! Smile

AmberLeaf · 13/07/2011 22:22

Congratulations!

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