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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at crap birthday

20 replies

snoopdogg · 12/07/2011 17:25

I have an adult son who is married and lives about 100 miles away. I also have two small ds aged 2 and 6.

I separated from small ds's father about 8 months ago and it's all very acrimonious and unpleasant.

Yesterday was my birthday. I knew small ds's dad wouldn't arrange a card or anything from them.

I thought that someone - my mum, sisters or adult son might step into the breach and organise something for me.

Nothing, nada, nix, had to tell the boys myself it was my birthday.

Adult son just put icing on (non existent) cake by telephoning to ask if I'd forwarded his mail. Had to remind him that yesterday was my birthday, he apologised and said he was so wrapped up in organising his dp's celebrations (her birthday tomorrow, card already in post) that he'd forgotten.

boo hoo hoo :(

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 12/07/2011 17:29

that's pants :(

hope you managed to treat yourself to something, even if it's only a little something.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/07/2011 17:32

I gave up on people making a fuss of me on my birthday ages ago. There are usually cards and gifts for which I am very grateful but I also treat myself to something wildly extravagant because I know no-one else will. :) Tip for next year.... do not rely on chance. Text all your friends and family three days in advance that it is your birthday. It is shameless self-promotion but it is effective..

Original poster
snoopdogg · 12/07/2011 17:36

Spot on Cog, do think it serves me right to some extent, plus wallowing in victim-hood-ness-icity which is never big or clever. Smallest ds at playgroup on Thursday, I hear the shops calling ;)

OP posts:
zelda1982 · 12/07/2011 17:39

Even though i have a dp i still had to get 3 kids ready and drive him and kids to the shop to get me a card. Also he took £10 out of my purse to put in it as he had none...lol

CurrySpice · 12/07/2011 17:54

Oh no :( I would be feeling a bit gloomy too :(

I wish you a happy birthday anyway :)

HerHissyness · 12/07/2011 17:59

that is crap - your adult DS can't remember that his mothers birthday is the day before his bloody GF/DW's?

I'd tell him I was bloody hurt to be honest! that is inexcusable.

hit the shops, HARD! and tell him he needs to send you a cheque!

Folicacid · 12/07/2011 18:00

YANBU to be pissed off at crap birthday.

Definitely treat yourself to something this week.

happy birthday by the way!

Squiglettsmummy2bx · 12/07/2011 18:09

I have a birthday cake, balloons, banners, cards & presents here for my bf as it is his 30th today, already bought him expensive gift & took him out for a meal Saturday but because of a row yesterday which he caused I don't even know if he is going to bother turning up. Wish I could magic everything to you as I am sure you are much more deserving!!!

ZonkedOut · 12/07/2011 18:22

Happy birthday!

I feel your pain (or self pity, at least). My family are bad at birthdays, I have 4 siblings, but for my 40th last year, I got 3 cards (parents, PIL, DH). I got one present (a bath robe from DH, tbh I expected something a bit bigger).

My DH hasn't quite got the idea about getting cards and presents for my DDs to give me either. I'm doing the passive aggressive thing of always making sure they get him something - he even got a Christmas present from the bump last year, but hasn't got the hint so far.

DanJT · 12/07/2011 18:28

A very Happy Birthday to you. :)
It's rotten when you aren't made to feel even a bit special. I know how you feel, I was quite upset that on Mother's Day this year, DH hadn't arranged anything ( our DS is 8 months so it was my first one ) and eventually grabbed a card just before the supermarket closed, that was more appropriate for a teenager to send and then signed it off from DS but used a nickname the only DH uses and not me ! Nothing would almost have been better than a half hearted attempt with lack of thought.:( From now on, I think you should make a point of planning something special for yourself for your birthdays, so that no matter what others do or don't do, you've treated yourself.

Hope you've got a glass of something for later.Wine Enjoy and take comfort in the thought that next year will be so much better !! xx

TheFeministsWife · 12/07/2011 18:44

That is crap, Sad poor you. Do you have a good relationship with your mum? I would have thought she of all people would have at least gotten you a card. Sad Happy Birthday btw Smile

I always make sure I make a fuss of DH as he has no family (well he does - his mum and brother but they're crap and there's no relationship there) and his friends are crap at remembering too. It was his birthday 2 weeks ago and I made sure he had a lovely day.

Maybe next year arrange a little tea party for yourself with your 2 littlest sons? Even though your arranging it yourself I'm sure once you tell them it's your birthday they will be wanting to make you cards and presents and have a cake with candles you can all blow out together.

Original poster
snoopdogg · 12/07/2011 19:31

Thank you, feeling better having received sympathy, realised it's not just me and got some good ideas for next year. x

OP posts:
thepanamacanal · 13/07/2011 00:15

Snoopdogg we have the same birthday (so a belated happy birthday!) and mine was just as crap.

Ok, parents remembered to phone (they've not bothered in the past even though all hell breaks loose if they don't get big gifts, cards, 8-hour round trips to see them etc), but my brother ignored it, "d"p didn't phone or send a card even though I always make a big fuss of him THE GIT, and only one of my so-called mates remembered and sent a text.

and to top it all off it was one of my students' birthday yesterday so I took in cake for everyone to share...theys scoffed the lot and I didn't even get crumbs....waaaah

Thought I was being crap having a teenage sulk again so i;m glad to know it's not just me!

Jude89 · 13/07/2011 08:44

Seems there's been a weekend of it, mine was on Saturday and my dad forgot, and when eventually reminded, said "well, its not a proper birthday is it?"

thursday · 13/07/2011 08:56

YANBU to be upset. i'm always disappointed by my birthdays, i dont know what i expect at my age but its never enough. treat yourself to something lovely x

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 13/07/2011 09:19

I couldn't care less if anyone marks my birthday these days, as I invariably set myself up for disappointment.

Treat yourself to something nice, and lower your expectations for next year.

thekidsmom · 13/07/2011 09:23

Belated Happy Birthday to you!

Take charge of your own birthday celebrations and go and buy yourself something nice, first chance you get....

But, to be serious, with small DCs, why dont you put on a birthdya tea so that they can join in - they'd love it. Do cnadles, jelly, chocloate fingers etc. Even make your own pass the parcel.....

cat64 · 13/07/2011 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tanif · 13/07/2011 09:42

Bit harsh of your adult son to tell you he forgot because he was organising celebrations for his DP's birthday! Some people are just rubbish, sneak their diaries off them next year and make sure you write your birthday in them in bold, block capital letters in brightly coloured felt tip pen!

Original poster
snoopdogg · 13/07/2011 11:45

Update on crap birthday:

Cards from sister and mother arrived in very late post yesterday, plus cheque from ma.

Beautiful flower arrangement from 'your slightly rubbish son' delivered 5 mins ago.

Although seriously poor due to horrific costs of divorce I'm going to spend the money on this

www.monicavinader.com/candy-oval-ring/candy-ring-green-gold-quartz

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