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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he is making little effort these days

22 replies

RiverJordan · 10/07/2011 22:04

I've been seeing someone for around 6 months, we dont live together and only see each other around once a fortnight, sometimes for a few hours one day during the week too if we both manage to have the same day off. Our main form of contact is via text message and skype. I go online almost every other evening and he comes on around 6pm which is too early as I'm usually busy around then and he says he'll come back on later but he then comes on about 10 minutes before he goes to bed. Take today for instance I went out for the day with the kids to a place with no phone signal. When I got home about 4pm I had two texts on my phone, one sent around lunch time saying "what you upto today?" and then another one sent around 4pm saying "Whats wrong? you've not replied to me text all day :-( " so I replied explaining why I didn't text back. I put skype on and he's on there and we chat for around 10 minutes and then he says he's going to make dinner but he'll be back on later. So from 7pm to 9pm I sit there with the laptop on waiting like an idiot. By 9.45 I text him and ask if he's still coming online. He texts back saying he's been watching the rugby and he'll come online but only for a bit as he's tired and is going to bed soon!! You'd think with this being our only contact he'd make more effort??? or am I being too needy?

OP posts:

BornInAfrica · 10/07/2011 22:06

There's nothing for him to make more of an effort with. There just isn't. You are at best friends and maybe not even that. What you have is not a relationship. Sorry.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 10/07/2011 22:07

Is he married? Why do you only see him once a fortnight? That is odd!

Original poster

RiverJordan · 10/07/2011 22:14

He seems to have big plans of us going on holiday together and eventually living together so he does seem to see us as more than sex buddies but I hate this lack of effort. Another thing too we're both supposed to be supporting each other to lose weight and my friend has just bumped into him in the take-away place where he'd ordered a special deal thing, a 10" pizza, a large kebab and a burger and fries and a bottle of coke. He then had the cheek to tell me he'd had a small meat pie for tea.

OP posts:

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 10/07/2011 22:17

Walk away now .... He is making zero effort and whilst he says he sees you as more than just a sex buddy, I think he really sees you as an easy lay. I am sure you can do better than him, you seem nice.

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 22:19

YOu see him once a fortnight? The relationship has not moved on at all to anything. You talk on Skype intermittently not with any real regularity.

I'd seriously leave this whatever it is behind you.

sausagesandmarmelade · 10/07/2011 22:21

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me...

sausagesandmarmelade · 10/07/2011 22:24

....but it's interesting that when you weren't available he sat up and took notice...

Except that you immediately reassured him...by saying you had no signal.

It's a classic...

Make yourself less available...and then you'll see how interested he is in you. Be busy with other things. At the moment it sounds as if he is calling all the shots.

Original poster

RiverJordan · 10/07/2011 22:59

See he's just pissed me off again. I was just telling him over stupid bloody skype that I'm having bad side effects from the pill and am concerned I could be pregnant and his overall attitude was "those side effects could be anything, don't worry about it" because he doesn't want to use condoms and then about the pregnancy thing - "just buy a test if you're worried" and then it was "right, I'm off to bed now". He doesn't start work until 2pm tomorow so its not as if he needs to be up early yet he says he just can't stay up late as he gets too tired - funny how he managed to stay up until midnight with 2 pints and a greasy burger on Friday night with the lads though

OP posts:

Original poster

RiverJordan · 10/07/2011 22:59

3 pints that should read.

OP posts:

iwanttoseethezoo · 10/07/2011 23:02

i agree - be less available and see what happens. if he still makes little effort then I'd finish it - what on earth do you actually get out of it? And why do you only see each other 1x a fortnight?!

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 23:06

Sorry but this man is too settled in his own ways to be a proper partner he is only interested in a bi weekly fuck.

You are worth so much more than that, don't you want more for yourself?

Wouldn't you rather be cherished and cared for as opposed to brushed off for a burger and two pints.

bushymcbush · 10/07/2011 23:07

So he has plans to go on holiday with you and eventually live with you? What about your plans? You need to stop hanging around waiting for this man. As someone else said, make yourself less available and see what happens.

Original poster

RiverJordan · 10/07/2011 23:10

See thats another thing. Our time together is few and far between because of work etc. Now he KNOWS I'm off work tomorow and he doesn't start work until 2pm. Wouldn't you think he'd suggest we meet up? I know it sounds childish but I'm not instigating it this time. Why should I always do the chasing?

OP posts:

MsTeak · 10/07/2011 23:14

Are you 12?

pinkthechaffinch · 11/07/2011 07:58

Have you done a pregnancy test yet?

Numberfour · 11/07/2011 08:03

Bottom line is that if he wanted to be with you more and talk to you more, he would.

echt · 11/07/2011 08:08

Change your name to Axminster.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/07/2011 08:17

TBH you do sound very young.

BagofHolly · 11/07/2011 08:17

He's not that into you. Sorry. It's not your fault. Now you know what disinterested looks like, in your next relationship which I confidently predict will be better than this, you'll know when to move on.

itisnearlysummer · 11/07/2011 09:28

This isn't a relationship. You are 'sex buddies'. Numberfour and BagofHolly are right.

I had a long term relationship once and we spoke and wrote to each other daily (before we had email/skype!) but if your friend bumped into him this doesn't even sound like a long distance relationship.

Doesn't really sound like anything really.

Find someone better and don't waste your time on him.

jeckadeck · 11/07/2011 09:32

It doesn't sound like a relationship to me either but in all fairness you're not really available much for him either. It sounds to me like you need either to start seeing one another properly and carving out a bit more time or knock it on the head. This isn't really sustainable.

redexpat · 11/07/2011 13:08

Can you not arrange a skype time? Make it a fixed time everyday?

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