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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that my babysitter

23 replies

itsraining · 10/07/2011 17:00

invited her mother, mother's boyfriend and brother (none of whom I've ever met) round to my house last night when she was babysitting for us?

OP posts:

BigHairyGruffalo · 10/07/2011 17:02

YANBU!

StellaSays · 10/07/2011 17:03

YANBU it is your house and she was exposing your children without asking to people who you cannot vet.

AlabamaWorley · 10/07/2011 17:05

YANBU!!!! That is ridiculous! Don't use her again and explain why.

What happened when you got home? I assume they were still there?

zipzap · 10/07/2011 17:17

How old is she?

But no, yanbu. It's happened to me before when my bs brought her dd with her (17 so not like she needed to look after her too) and she had asked me in advance - got put on the spot and couldn't really say no.

I did get very annoyed when I discovered that she had babysat for me during an afternoon for me once and despite my saying as it was hot to have a nice quiet afternoon playing in garden or having nap and think there was something big on tv that ds1 wanted to watch, we got back to discover that her dh and dd had come by after we went and took them all out to several places including visiting their grandparents and bought them presents. I was very unimpressed especially as the dd and dh hadn't hung around so it all felt underhand and just made me very uneasy.

Next time, definitely specify the deal is for her to be doing it alone and not entertaining her family. If there is a next time (there wasn't for me!)

I do know some places where teenagers babysit they have a parent or elder sibling that they can call if there is a problem if they can't get hold of the parents but that's only if there is an emergency or bit of a situation they want a bit of help with, they certainly wouldn't invite them around to entertain them or let them in for a nosy!

InTheNightKitchen · 10/07/2011 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

itsraining · 10/07/2011 17:29

The babysitter was a friend of mine age 31 who I met when our ds were at nursery together which was why it was so unexpected. The 'met up' at my house between them all never happened. Just as dh and I were about to leave she mentioned that she wouldn't be getting bored because all these other people would soon be arriving. I was horrified because I don't know any of them and I thought she'd really overstepped all boundaries.

In the end dh pretended that he had a migraine coming on and we decided not to go out.

Friends mother is widowed and that's why she's got a boyfriend.

The thing is that I was so shocked to find that another supposedly responsible adult would think that it was ok to do this when as far as I'm concerned it definitely isn't.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 10/07/2011 17:35

Yanbu

that is really out of order IMO

I would be very pissed off

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 10/07/2011 17:35

I don't know I do get where you are coming from but also if I trust someone to look after my dc I tend to trust their judgement when it comes to any people they may bring them into contact with.
especially during the day, I am grateful for the fact that I trust to look after the dc can babysit I wouldn't dream of telling them they had to stay tied to my house.

I definitely wouldn't have cancelled a night out like that if my babysitter was going to sit in my house and have a coffee.

A lovely mumsnetter babysat for me a few weeks ago while dh and I went to a wedding and she asked if she could bring her 18 year old daughter with her and I never thought twice about it. It can be far more boring sitting in someone elses house than in your own so was glad she felt she could ask and glad for her to have the company. I trusted her judgement so turseted her not to bring anyone that would or could compromise my dc safety.

Original poster

itsraining · 10/07/2011 17:42

Ineedacleaner, are you saying that you think it was alright for the babysitter to invite people I don't know into my house while she's looking after my children? I wouldn't have asked her to babysit if I didn't trust her but at the very least, I would have expected her to ask me if I'm ok with her entertaining guests in my house.

Btw, she also mentioned that her mum was ging to love my house which makes me think she was planning to give them all a guided tour in my absence.

OP posts:

Pixieonthemoor · 10/07/2011 18:05

Goodness, no totally not BU!! I would be hopping!! Its a total invasion of privacy and not on at all. How do you know they werent going to poke around in your stuff?? Something similar happened to me once and quite a few things went missing. Last time SHE babysits, methinks!!

gorionine · 10/07/2011 18:11

definitely not BU .

Ineedacleaner, I see were you are coming from but IMHO there is a huge difference between your babysitter asking if she can bring along her 18yo daughter and OP's babysitter who did not ask anything but just informed her,at the last minute, that at least 3 more people would be coming. That is not on and because of that OP and her DH could not go to wherever they were supposed to go.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/07/2011 18:16

Of course YANBU.

Any person charged with the care of your dc is totally out of order to invite others, whether known or unknown to you/your dh, to your home without your prior knowledge and consent.

Good luck with finding another babysitter.

ssd · 10/07/2011 18:51

whereaboutsare you op?

I babysit alone!!

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 18:54

Thats incredibly rude of your babysitter and not on at all.

I hope you told her it was not acceptable?

SuePurblybilt · 10/07/2011 18:58

YANBU at all, it's seriously odd that she'd think that was OK.

But why on earth didn't you say something? Your husband pretended to have a migraine and you stayed in rather than confront her?

gorionine · 10/07/2011 19:11

But why on earth didn't you say something? Your husband pretended to have a migraine and you stayed in rather than confront her?

quite *SuePurblibilt"

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 10/07/2011 21:28

I just don't think it's that huge a deal that's all. Yes possibly on the rude side not to ask but my god it is tedious babysitting in someone elses house.
I'm not a massively open house type of person but this wouldn't bother me that much TBH like I said there are few people I ask to babysit and out of the ones I do I wouldn't mind if they had someone pop in for a while even stay for a coffee or whatever because I trust them, trust their judgement and I'm not here to keep them company especially if the dc are in bed.

I made the point about the 18 year old daughter because another poster had said that they felt put on the spot when their sitter asked if they could take their 17 year old with them and again I didn't see the big deal.

Yes it is polite to ask but it's not the end of the world and if it did bother me I wouldn't feign illness I would tell them because if I trust tis person to look after the dc i would hope I was able to be honest with them if there was a problem. If I wasn't I'd think there was something wrong somewhere

Original poster

itsraining · 10/07/2011 22:23

The reason we didn't confront her was because we were so shocked and wanted to stop her plans without a row.

She obviously didn't see it as a problem otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned her plans. I daresay her family are very nice people but what would my children have thought if they'd woken and come downstairs to find strangers in the sittingroom, or possibly upstairs having a look around.

OP posts:

RevoltingPeasant · 10/07/2011 22:30

YANBU, incredibly rude!!

I take it you weren't paying her? I babysat for years as a teen and it would never have occurred to me to have anyone else over (though I easily could have, I suppose). But even if you weren't paying her, you just don't invite people to someone else's house without making it clear to the homeowner in advance.

Original poster

itsraining · 10/07/2011 22:34

We weren't paying her because we're friends and help each other out like this up until now.

OP posts:

messymammy · 10/07/2011 22:37

YANBU!!
When I babysat as a teen my aunt never minded if I had a female friend over, and another family used to say my boyfriend was no problem to come over,but I never did.

SleepyFergus · 10/07/2011 22:46

YA most certainly NBU. Crazy behaviour, makes me shudder in fact. We prob would have done the same thing as you.

DogsBestFriend · 10/07/2011 22:47

Bloody hell! I'd have been furious!

YAdamnNBU!

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