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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

god mothers

22 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 09/07/2011 00:41

atm i need MN posters to say that i am iam.

my nephew is getting christened next month, i am 1 of 3 sister's my 2 other sister's have been asked to be god mothers and i have not be asked.

i feel really pissed off with this as i have been there every way possible for my sister, by helping her move, going to the hospital every day while my nephew was in SBCU also taking her to see him at supid o'clock when she wanted to go to the hospital, to taking her shopping ect ect.

OP posts:

ifitsnotanarse · 09/07/2011 00:45

YANBU. Could you ask your sister why she chose your other sister and not you? Or would this cause trouble?

Original poster

AuntiePickleBottom · 09/07/2011 00:47

tbh i don't think it is my place to ask her why, just feel so hurt at not being asked iygwim

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 09/07/2011 00:52

If you're asking there can't be any obvious reason, like you've made it clear you couldn't make the promises because you don't believe in God.

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned it to you and the possible reason why.

Two out of three sisters aren't invited, someone's going to at that surely?

You're not thinking of cursing the child are you? (sleeping beauty)

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 09/07/2011 00:59

no AGent, the other 2 sisters HAVE been asked to be godparent, this 1 sister has not. Hang on, if you are 1 of 3 then the other 2 cannot be godparents, 1 of them has to be a parent to the child... unless you have a brother.

I dont think YABU to be hurt. Is there any particular reason you can think of why you were not asked?

I so need to go to bed. Sleep is calling.

cat64 · 09/07/2011 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AgentZigzag · 09/07/2011 01:04

Sorry, that was a rogue 'aren't', I did actually mean two of the three sisters were invited.

S'Friday

A parent can still be godparent to their child, depending on which church this is of course.

AgentZigzag · 09/07/2011 01:06

Arf at not having to be polite to family, is there a legal document saying that cat? Proof as back up for telling some home truths

cat64 · 09/07/2011 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 09/07/2011 01:09

can they Agent? Didnt know that. Pass the please.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 09/07/2011 01:10

See me being polite? Thats because you arent family.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 09/07/2011 06:53

I am sure you can have three godparents, look at Cinderella.
Seriously, my DH was a godparent for our friend's little girl, there were three others too.

Sirzy · 09/07/2011 07:19

You can have as many godparents as you want. Ds has 4.

This is the reason we made the decision to ask no family, only friends to be godparents!

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 09/07/2011 07:23

It's a bit shit, isn't it? Can you sound out your mum to find out if she's heard anything about why you haven't been asked?

YANBU, btw - I'd be pissed off in your situation as well. :(

HappyHippogriff · 09/07/2011 07:25

I am one of 4 siblings and have 3 dcs, one of my brothers and my sister are Godparents to my dcs, but my youngest brother is not.

This is because he does not believe in God, and no longer attends mass. I believe strongly that a Godparent isn't a symbolic role, it is their duty to ensure that my kids have the religious upbringing that I want in the event of my death, my brother cannot provide this so hasn't been asked.

It doesn't mean I love him any less or that he isn't a great uncle - just that he can't fulfil the role of a Godparent.

Is it possible this is the case with your dsis? It may not be because alot of people don't have the same beliefs as me, but it could be a reason.

ZonkedOut · 09/07/2011 07:31

I really don't understand why a parent would also be a godparent. Surely the point of godparents traditionally was to make sure the child was raised in the faith if the parents died?

One of my sisters is a godparent to DD1, I asked her and not the other because my other sister doesn't consider herself to be Christian any more. I didn't even consider that she might be offended by not being asked! (In fact, I think, given her views, she might have been more offended if she was asked!)

Is it possible that something like that is going on in your case?

squeakytoy · 09/07/2011 08:15

Perhaps they are planning on asking you, and also siblings from the other parents side for their next child.

southofthethames · 09/07/2011 08:24

A good way out of this might be (if the sisters are close enough) for one of the other sisters (who was asked to be godmother) to ask the mother why OP wasn't asked. If the mother is having baby brain after a new birth and having a child in SCBU, she might just have forgotten to ask.

ScarletOHaHa · 09/07/2011 08:37

My DC has 2 GodM's and 1 GodF; it is traditional in my family to have this arrangement for boys - one must be religious. I am GodM to 3 sibling children however I decided NOT to ask them to be GodP's for mine. I decided to ask people that I would want as guardians. I did explain the decision to my siblings. You could ask in a non confrontational way. If not see if somebody else can.

2rebecca · 09/07/2011 08:50

I'm an atheist so my kids don't have godparents and I'm not sure who mine were.
Having aunties as godparents seems a bit pointless as your aunties will see you anyway. If I did have godparents for my kids I'd choose friends so the circle of people looking out for my kids is expanded.
I agree traditionally there has been 1 male and 2 female godparents, but if I had 3 sisters I wouldn't ask any of them rather than leave 1 out.

MadYoungCatLady · 09/07/2011 11:53

Dont know if I will ask anyone to be next DC's godparents - DS's are all absolutely, completely useless. I asked three people I considered very good friends, salt-of-the-earth kind of people.

One doesnt talk to me anymore (was my best, best friend) after a lack of support after I had a missed mc.
One has moved to Taiwan. Phones every now and then, but has a new life now.
One has shown herself to be the worlds least maternal person ever - buya a christmas and birthday present for DS but thats as far as it goes.

I thought it would be a honour to be asked to be a godparent, I would take the role very seriously. Obviously not though!

OP you sound like an ideal Godparent. I dont understand why your sister would not ask you, unless she is religious and you are not. I would be very hurt in your position :(

ratspeaker · 09/07/2011 12:40

Maybe sh'e like you to be guardian in event of her death and wants the other sisters as Godparents so they dont feel left out
Just a thought

Journey · 09/07/2011 12:59

You need to ask your sister otherwise you'll always be wondering why.

In many ways I think it is a bit odd if you don't ask. It could project the image that you're not bothered.

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