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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

saying no to his visiting relative

27 replies

mumtobewithjose · 04/07/2011 23:53

my husbands neice is 23, she wants to come and stay with us for a month, beginning the week our first baby is due. She wants to know if we can find
her a part time job and show her around. The only spare bedroom we have is the baby´s room which Ive done as a place me and the baby can have some peace and quiet, so i dont want to stick a fold up bed in it! Also I want my husband to be there for just me and the baby and enjoy those first weeks as a family. I dont think its appropriate to ask, and she likes clubbing and going out, not convenient with a new born up al night.

OP posts:
glassescase · 04/07/2011 23:55

No, no and no!
YANBU
Just say NO!

MadYoungCatLady · 04/07/2011 23:56

Does she realise she has asked to gatecrash on the most magical week of your life?

TheSecondComing · 04/07/2011 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 04/07/2011 23:59

No.
Under no circumstances.
And even if it wasn't at the same time as your baby's birth, a month is too long.

ThePathanKhansWoman · 05/07/2011 00:01

No way, has she no sense? Just tell her no way.

Original poster
mumtobewithjose · 05/07/2011 00:04

thank you, I said no. She never asked me, she asked him and never mentioned the baby. When i said maybe she could come later in the year, she said no as she as plans for the christmas break!

OP posts:
DogsBestFriend · 05/07/2011 00:12

No ruddy way! YANBU.

jasper · 05/07/2011 00:15

no way. A friend once asked me to have her teenage daughter to stay with us for a week's work placement . I had a very young baby and two toddlers. I said no, but felt very guilty. Must have been the hormones. Would not feel guilty now.

Glad you said no!

Original poster
mumtobewithjose · 05/07/2011 00:15

I knew I was in the right, but its caused a bit of bad blood with his family. He didnt want her to stay but felt awkward saying, thanks again x

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 05/07/2011 00:26

YADNBU. And from where were you expected to magic up a part-time job that would last precisely one month, and would perfectly correspond with the dates she intended to be visiting?

Firawla · 05/07/2011 00:35

yadnbu, she is bu to ask in those circumstances, a month is a long time and it is pretty much the worst timing possible!

FetchezLaVache · 05/07/2011 00:39

Apart from anything else, isn't she old enough to find her own PT job?

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 05/07/2011 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 05/07/2011 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

catgirl1976 · 05/07/2011 07:31

No no no no no. This is the most precious week for you, your DH and your new baby. No way should you be entertaining a house guest.

Zimm · 05/07/2011 07:40

Dear God what is wrong with the Yoof of today? "Find her a PT job".....FFS. She sounds like an entitled PITA. YADNBU. Enjoy your new baby! :-)

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/07/2011 07:41

23? Not, like, 17? Dear god, what a spoilt madam. A month's free accommodation, a chauffeur and an employment agency so she can have a stress-free working holiday. I'd say no even if it wasn't the first month of your baby's life. Lordy.

Makeminealarge · 05/07/2011 07:48

gobsmacked. I mean, she really needs to grow up. by 23 she is an adult and can find a bloody job and roof over her head by herself. How inconsiderate to even come up when your baby is due. She clearly doesnt have a clue. Don't feel guilty either. Anyone with any sense would understand why you would say no.

pingu2209 · 05/07/2011 08:00

Having a new baby is hard work. I can not express to you how difficult the first baby is. You MUST say no. I mean this for the sake of your mental health. It is this type of thing that can put you into post natal depression.

Please say no. You are not being unreasonable. Perhaps her parents cannot remember just how hard it is when you bring your first baby home.

TryLikingClarity · 05/07/2011 09:13

I'm surprised DH's bro or sis (whomever is the parent of this woman) didn't tell her that it was a horrible idea!

Does she even know that you are due a baby that week?

She is an adult, most likely has internet access on which to find herself a job etc.

Maybe if you had more than one spare room it might be viable, but as it is I'd say "No way!"

It's all a bit one-way - she wants bed and board, help with jobs - but hasn't offered help with baby or tidying house etc.

:(

mumblebum · 05/07/2011 09:19

Glad you said no! Good grief "find her a job" Shock she's an adult!

NestaFiesta · 05/07/2011 10:13

YANBU. It shouldn't cause bad blood with his family. "It's the week the baby is due!" should be a more than valid reason to any normal person. She is 23, she has other choices. She is not a destitute 10 year old.

Gooseberrybushes · 05/07/2011 10:16

NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

She is nuts.

No, by the way. No, no and no.

SarahBumBarer · 05/07/2011 10:22

MJ I agree to an extent but in this case she doesn't "need" it - she just wants it. And the timing is terrible.

OP Yanbu. Glad you said no - ridiculous for there to be bad blood. Anyone should see that it is an inappropriate time to ask you to do this given that you will have a new baby in the house.

ScarletOHaHa · 05/07/2011 10:26

No

Find her a PT job - how about volunteering as a nanny, especially between the hours of midnight and 7am ( in lieu of rent).

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