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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross when DH watches tv with DS?

27 replies

33goingon64 · 29/06/2011 16:29

I grew up with a general rule about the tv not being on during daylight hours unless it's raining. We were always encouraged to do other things like reading or playing outside. There was plenty of tv allowed in the evening so we didn't feel deprived. My DH however was brought up in a house where the tv was on for a large part of the day, even if no-one was watching. AiBU that DH turns the tv on at weekends and watches it with DS (4 months)? Sometimes it's Kiddie stuff so I don't mind too much but sometimes it's things he wants to watch that I don't really want DS exposed to e.g. Action films. Am I being a complete spoil sport or do I have a point? I just don't want DS to grow up thinking the tv should be on all the time. Also don't want him to think daddy is the soft touch and I am the horrid mummy...

OP posts:
lostinindia · 29/06/2011 16:33

Your son won't even be aware of the tv at 4mnths.

RitaMorgan · 29/06/2011 16:33

I think you're being ridiculous personally - I wouldn't bother with kiddie stuff for a 4 month old and he's hardly going to be aware of action films!

Did you come to an agreement on TV before you had your DS? Your DH's approach is just as valid as yours.

SuePurblybilt · 29/06/2011 16:33

Now, be honest. Is this a wind up? Why would a grown man watch children's television with a four month old? I'm not even sure they can support their own heads at four months - what would he be doing watching Spongebob?

Dorje · 29/06/2011 16:34

What's wrong with him reading a book to your DS - or bringing him out for a run around. Or better still cleaning the loo, or loading the dishwasher while parenting?

Does your DH do any housework? And if not why is he sitting on his lazy arse watching daytime tv? Don't tell me he "works hard" during the week.....

tazmin · 29/06/2011 16:34

wind up

no one could be so ridiculous

could they?

ChaosTrulyReigns · 29/06/2011 16:36

Really?

aldiwhore · 29/06/2011 16:38

Too much TV is a BAD thing in my humble opinion, but I don't get the 'evening only' thing.... I rarely watch TV in the evening, I'm doing other stuff.

Weekends in moderation, seem fine. Some Action films aren't suitable for children, some a fab (Star Wars is fab, end of) and we often have film days on lovely warm sunny afternoons...

Too much of anything isn't good for you, but being inflexible isn't good for anyone.

I think YABU to a certain extent, in that you're inflexible. YANBU to think too much TV isn't good though.

The TV is off at present in our house, the kids are in the garden, the husband is watering the vast amounts of bloody plants (that's another debate seeing as its me who has to keep them alive when he's working away) I'm cooking and listening to (forgive me) Rock FM. If anyone wants to watch TV between now and 'eveningtide' then I do not mind. I like TV though, I love films, my kids know the difference between fantasy and the rules of real life, they love films too and have active imaginations and fill 'bored non techno' time very well.

Balance, moderation, and flexibility in my opinion, are key to happiness an health. My kids are not allowed to watch Snow White as it upset them a lot, they can both watch Transformers One, Star Wars (all of) on the condition that they understand that they cannot turn into a big gun or use real lightsabers on anyone.

aldiwhore · 29/06/2011 16:38

Just to add, I watch Spongebob, for me, I like it! :)

GypsyMoth · 29/06/2011 16:42

He's your dh son too...... How is it YOUR decision about when/if it's watched??

BooyHoo · 29/06/2011 16:46

look, TV on when you have nothing particular to be doing/just fancy a bit of downtime is going to hurt no-one. especially not your 4 month old. i spent the majority of my son's first 6 months sitting watching tv as i was breastfeeding. he isn't a telly addict now. he's fine. never looks for the tv to be on.

stop being so controlling. your DH gets to decide what he does with his own time the same way you decide what to do with yours.

Original poster
33goingon64 · 29/06/2011 16:55

Ok, ok, IABU. Helps to get others' views - always had a suspicion I was a control freak...

OP posts:
LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 29/06/2011 17:01

I don't think YABU at all, and dpon't understand why people think this could be a wind-up...logic tells me he isn't going to suddenly stop doing this of his own accord as your ds gets older. BFing in front of TV for 1st 6 months is quite different I think, and there are much more valid things a dad could be doing!
I have this trouble with my dh who thinks spending quality time with dc is arse on sofa if they are watching a movie or even kids' show. Guess what I am usually doing when he is sitting with them!

If it bothers you, I would have a chat about it now and set ground rules for later. Most dc watch far too much TV and it's not good for them, so discuss the way you would like things.

BooyHoo · 29/06/2011 17:05

why does he have to be doing valid things though? surely he is entitled to downtime and if tv is how he relaxes then why the hell should he refrain from doing it just because his children are there. we are allowed to relax infront of our dcs you know. we dont have to be martyrs.

AgentZigzag · 29/06/2011 17:11

'always had a suspicion I was a control freak...'

Great answer Grin

Your DS will just be happy to be with you and your DH at 4 months, and what BooyHoo said.

I love spongebob too Grin

Cat98 · 29/06/2011 17:20

Yanbu, I completely agree with your post. However, it is up to your dh too, though i'd personally be asking him to read some of the research around tv and under 2s, then discuss it! You should both come to a compromise/consensus now of how much tv and what is ok, or it may cause issues as your ds gets older.

Cat98 · 29/06/2011 17:21

To the people who are saying he won't know what's going on at 4 months - maybe, but the op has a valid concern about the future, surely? She says as much in her post.

Rebecca41 · 29/06/2011 17:23

At 4 months I don't think it's a big deal, but in the next few months it will be. I've read that TV can be quite unsettling for babies - the moving image, bright lights etc - messes with their little brains and overwhelms them a bit.

I also think that it's not a good diea to get into the habit of having the TV on all the time as it probably stunts imagination.

But maybe I'm just being all misty-eyed and nostalgic for my own youth, when we played outside or spent hours taking our teddies on elaborate trips around the house because we didn't have a TV till I was 9!

Rebecca41 · 29/06/2011 17:23

idea not diea

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 29/06/2011 17:24

Of course Booy, I just think there has been a history of women perhaps having less time to relax than men...? OP didn't say she felt he wasn't doing enough around the house, but it is a problem in my house and many others.
I just wonder if there will be this sudden turning point when he stops watching action films with the child and starts doing some playing, puzzles, reading or something else a bit more interactive.
He could turn the TV off, be enjoying the baby and still having 'downtime' not just doing chores!

JustCallMeMummyPig · 29/06/2011 17:25

i need to do this first Blush

with my pfb i wouldn't have the tv on at all during the day from new born...

obviously things change :) runs away still Blush at the memory

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 29/06/2011 17:30

I think a compromise is needed, I agree about not just having it on as background all day long, but disagree with restricting daytime viewing to children's programmes, children have to learn to share the TV with us and providing the content is suitable then it can be on, just not all the time. I also don't think the radio (or other music) should be on all day, so that the children can hear adult voices properly without distraction.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/06/2011 17:31

Because we both do lots of stuff separately, my DS's idea of heaven is to have me all to himself, watching a movie or a TV prog, nibbling at popcorn, under a blanket and the fire lit if it's a cold evening. There is no intellectual discussion involved, I hasten to add. We just sit & watch. Together. And we're both very, very happy. :)

Original poster
33goingon64 · 29/06/2011 18:42

Hmm, just when I thought I definitely was BU, some of you seem to agree with me. Cat98 is right that my concern is mainly for the future i.e. will DS think it's Ok to have the tv on all the time? What's interesting is that your responses have highlighted that there are several things going on here: me being too controlling of DH's precious time with DS (which I shall endeavour to curb); my concern about the effect on kids of too much tv (although maybe it's actually not as much of an issue at 4 months as I thought); and my thinly veiled desire for DH to do more around the house. Thanks all for your enlightening responses.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 29/06/2011 20:03

YABU. But when you read this thread back to yourself in a few years, you will laugh at yourself at how pfb you are.
I was never a pfb parent. But I did loads of other embarrassing things, that I wrote about on MN years ago.

AgentZigzag · 29/06/2011 20:31

Looking at your responses goingon, you're the perfect OP on AIBU for some people.

Rational, self aware, accepting of other posters views and that you may have overreacted.

No good for bun fight hunters though Grin