Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he shouldn't have had a serious strop at this? - A bit sexual, sorry!

205 replies

YodelOdelTee · 28/06/2011 11:14

I have namechanged for this for obvious reasons :) I am a regular - I remember pirate sex, lavender, judge and the MN bat and that the special word for spiders is LOOOOOFAH'S ha ha ha ha!!!

I have been having casual sex with a man for little under 12 months. No feelings are involved, just sex and a friendship. We go back 10 years to when our friendship began but have only ever been friends, or now more recently friends and fuck buddies.

He has some mental issues, depression is one. During intercourse he goes soft so I give him oral as he stays erect for that and we play around, but lately he is very selfish and it mostly consists of me giving a bj but nothing for me Angry.

So this morning, Steve and I were on messenger just chatting and joking around and the conversation went like this;

S - So if you're not busy today how about you come and suck on my lollipop

Me - Sounds good, but what do I get in return? (hoping he'd say something along the lines of he'd perform oral sex or at least play with me.)

S - My company and a cup of tea

Me - You can't buy me with tea and biscuits, i'm not a prostitute! Ha ha ha (insert smiley emoticon)

And from that moment on it all kicked off. He accused me of only thinking that he's using me for sex and that all along i've thought that he only thinks of me as easy sex etc etc. He's refusing to speak to me now and has sent a few emails which basically say how low I think of him and our friendship. Did I do something wrong?

OP posts:
LaWeasel · 28/06/2011 11:16

YANBU.

Any kind of sexual relationship should go both ways, and failing to live up to that is not good enough behaviour.

Rockerchic · 28/06/2011 11:17

No you did nothing wrong, he's in the wrong here, maybe he thinks more if you than you think and "fuck buddies" isn't working for him anymore.
Just a thought

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 11:17

I'm confused? Surely you use each other for easy sex and you're both honest about that?

It might need spelling out to him that he's become selfish in bed.

Rockerchic · 28/06/2011 11:18

Sucking his lollipop

fatlazymummy · 28/06/2011 11:18

If it's cas.ual then it should be easy to end it. No obligations either way

Rockerchic · 28/06/2011 11:19

I'm not having a go but do you usually conduct your " relationship" on MSN

Georgimama · 28/06/2011 11:20

No you didn't do anything wrong. I thought the purpose of a fuck buddy was that you didn't get all this sort of grief. Does he want you to wash his socks next?

If this sexual relationship doesn't work for you, end it (or at least end the sex side of it).

Rockerchic · 28/06/2011 11:20

I agree with lazymummy

Original poster
YodelOdelTee · 28/06/2011 11:20

It's not the fact that he's selfish in bed. I can sort that one out but the fact he's kicked off about our conversation and me saying i'm not a hooker.

Rockerchic, do you think he wants more than sex, like a relationship, or just to be friends without the sex?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 11:20

Don't bother trying to analyse this

Your free and easy fuck-buddy relationship is clearly over

what a pity it had to end with bad feelings, but hey-ho, that's how it goes

why would you carry on sucking the dick of someone so selfish anyway ?

lucky escape for you, I reckon

next !

spookshowangel · 28/06/2011 11:21

i would ignore until he wises up op he is projecting his own thoughts on to you. he has obviously been thinking this to some degree or other himself otherwise he wouldnt have had such a massive and out of context reaction. let him see he is being childish without being drawn in to a dramatic argument which is obviously what he wants so he can make you the bad guy. doesnt sound like you will be losing out on much if it doesnt continue. you need to find someone that will lay you good Grin

tazmin · 28/06/2011 11:22

dont understand this bit

I have namechanged for this for obvious reasons smile I am a regular - I remember pirate sex, lavender, judge and the MN bat and that the special word for spiders is LOOOOOFAH'S ha ha ha ha!!!

does a newbie only get a certain amount of replies, or the quality of the replies is lower???

fedupofnamechanging · 28/06/2011 11:22

He has over reacted. Tbh he sounds a bit too much like hard work for a 'relationship' where no feelings are involved. If this is going to be a purely sexual involvement, then he needs to be making sure you get something out of it too, or what's the point.

In a 'real' (for want of a better word) relationship, you might give more on some occasions and receive more on others, but it should all even itself out in the end.

Original poster
YodelOdelTee · 28/06/2011 11:23

tazmin, I wrote that because threads of a sexual nature tend to get 'troll' shouted at them.

OP posts:
Georgimama · 28/06/2011 11:24

Perhaps he has been secretly harbouring a wish the relationship would develop into a "proper" one, or perhaps he hasn't but nonetheless has some secret hangups about a woman being happy to have a sexual relationship on these terms. Either way it isn't working any more so it's time to stop.

The only person who can tell you whether he wants to step things up a gear or cool back into a conventional friendship is him.

meltedchocolate · 28/06/2011 11:24

I think you are both wrong. Why are you both getting upset with each other when this is clearly what you signed up for? Seems daft.

spookshowangel · 28/06/2011 11:24

tazmin i assume its to prove she is not a troll none of that means anything to me either.

Original poster
YodelOdelTee · 28/06/2011 11:25

spookshowangel - lay me good - that's a great phrase!!!

OP posts:
Morloth · 28/06/2011 11:26

I thought easy sex was the point of the fuck buddy arrangement.

Rockerchic · 28/06/2011 11:28

Yodel by what you said I think he probably wants more. I maybe wrong but I've been there before and the man in question sounds like yours and he wanted a relationship, I didn't so I walked away. He sounds like this if I'm honest.

Boys2mam · 28/06/2011 11:28

Sounds to me like you've hit a nerve with him and his overreaction is defensive.

YANBU though.

Original poster
YodelOdelTee · 28/06/2011 11:28

because I think I have feelings for him meltedchocolate. I think that's why i'm so upset over his reaction, but he's not boyfriend material at all, not in the slightest. Not least becuase of his reactions like this one. It'd be like walking on egg shells constantly and I don't do eggs :o This isn't the first OTT reaction to something i've said.

OP posts:
GetOrf · 28/06/2011 11:29

I am just going to change my name to IagreewithAnyFucker and be done with it.

Will save us all time Grin

Next!

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 11:29

I thought FB arrangements were supposed to be about "good sex" too

this man is rubbish

bin him

Hullygully · 28/06/2011 11:29

arse

selfish arse

tell him to shove his lollipop up his own arse

and maybe it's his guilt speaking, he knows damn well it's all about and only about his vile lollipop