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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

taking baby in to work while on mat leave?

43 replies

Mammie81 · 21/06/2011 11:49

How many of you did this? I havent yet, my DS is only 6 months, I commute, BF until recently blah blah blah, lots of reasons why I waited.

Any way Ive had to fight fires with emails from colleagues saying they'd 'heard' i wasnt coming back because I havent been in or been in touch? I emailed my manager when the baby was born and have sent an email with an update since but Im aware they are all v. busy and my baby isnt top of their to-do list!

So is it that normal to go in to visit whilst on mat leave? I didnt think not going in for 6 months would be cause to assume I wasnt coming back!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 21/06/2011 11:51

Depends on how close you are to your collegues.

Some bring baby in to show off and some don't.

I don't think there's any sort of 'done thing' Confused

fgaaagh · 21/06/2011 11:56

Well it's up to you if you want to go in Smile And of course the work environment.

When I was a student I spent 1 summer in an office where the (female) boss, owner of the company, would bring her twin sons (9 or 10 at the time) into the office - although I've always generally liked children, these ones were very, very disruptive to the environment. We're talking tantrums, ripping stuff up, free reign of terror over the kitchen area, inability to hear yourself speak on the phone due to the noise - very unprofessional. I started the temp job full of enthusiasm and ended up thinknig I hated children by the end of it! But it wasn't - it was just the mix of children and work that didn't work very well. In that case, for that extended time - nothing like a maternity leave visit, so I think in 99% of cases it would surely be appropriate and even a nice thing to do?

But do it because you want to / can, not to "show face" or prove something to gossipy colleagues. or because they "expected" this or that visit. if it is purely to show face a little, that's what a phased return is all about, go in a few days to ease back into it - and if it becomes a real problem (assumption that you won't return vs. outright gossip between colleagues) have a word to set things straight via your manager.

Or just ignore it until you go back - how long is it now?

fgaaagh · 21/06/2011 11:58

p.s. in my current place of work it would be considered odd to bring in a baby from maternity leave, just to give the other side of the fence - it's just not the done thing here, possibly due to the fact that most of the employees are older than your average population, lots of mums with grown up kids, and an even greater proportion of older males - average age in my dept, looking around, is probably about nearer 50? so not typical.

Original poster
Mammie81 · 21/06/2011 11:59

I have another 5 months left yet. Its wound me up a little because I do intend to go back and I actually hate all this gossipy bollox, it gets my stomach in knots. I might have a visit just to see the way the land lies Smile

OP posts:
HarrietJones · 21/06/2011 12:01

I did but partly to get the gossip. Everyone was v busy & couldn't really stop to talk.

My old job people did all the time

GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/06/2011 12:03

If I hadn't brought DD in to show her off then I would have been pestered but only because they wanted to see her and not because they thought it meant I wasn't coming back. How the hell can they make assumptions from that?

Insomnia11 · 21/06/2011 12:05

BTW they are potentially breaking employment legislation by hassling you about when you are coming back to work. Just saying.

You don't have to bring the baby in. When I worked for a city law firm I never brought DD1 in - I wasn't close to anyone I worked with and didn't think they would be interested, plus I didn't particularly want the logistical nightmare of getting DD1 into London with no lifts at the station...etc

By the time I had DD2 I had changed jobs and work for a local company with a close knit team, and my boss really wanted to see her. I brought her in (along with DD1 who was 3 at the time) one lunch time to see the team and we had lunch in the canteen. She was 2 weeks old - I thought I'd get it out of the way! We just stayed for an hour or so for lunch and then went home.

melikalikimaka · 21/06/2011 12:07

I did both times just because it was a nice visit!

Original poster
Mammie81 · 21/06/2011 12:08

Exactly Insomnia. Id have to walk the length of Euston Road because of the logistics! Although it might be nice to get back in to London for the day.

I dunno, I just feel a bit [hmmm] that these rumours exist because I havent been in! How off is that!

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 21/06/2011 12:11

just go n, have a coffee, smile, leave. I do think its good to show your face and ignore gossip. dont forget that alot of women take their mat leave and then resign! so they might think you are in that category

if you are planning to go back its smart to be in periodic contact I think, and tell them straight. I AM coming back, this is my target start date, lets book some KUT days for nearer the time

also the anticipation of work after mat leave is always worse than the reality, always! it will be fine

Andrewofgg · 21/06/2011 17:56

fgaaagh: In my office it's the older males - starting with me - who drop everything and go broody when our colleagues bring in their new bundles of joy to show them off. We love it.

DrNortherner · 21/06/2011 17:58

Everyone in my office brings in a new baby in the first 2 weeks. Good chance to have a squidge of a newborn and not work for 20 mins Grin

minipie · 21/06/2011 18:08

In my office most women generally do bring in their baby at some point during maternity leave, to show them off and to say hi to their colleagues. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I find it annoying - depends on how busy I am and how noisy the baby is...

I don't think it's seen as being connected to whether they are likely to come back or not though. And there is no "rule" that says you ought to, especially if it's a hassle.

Adagoo · 21/06/2011 18:08

I didn't take mine in when I worked in London. Too much of a faff. This baby, now I'm 10 mins down the road I'm there whenever they open new biscuits Grin

NotJoiningIn · 21/06/2011 18:09

I've been in several times with DD. No one was appointed to cover my job so my line manager has been doing it and often has questions/ needs help with little bits. I agreed to do this on the understanding DD comes too! But I work in a school and time it over lunch time so there are hundreds of people to entertain her if necessary. I suppose my helping out with work tells them there is no question about me coming back.

MooMooFarm · 21/06/2011 18:10

I never did. The people at work who were friends with me saw my babies out of work anyway.

northerngirl41 · 21/06/2011 18:59

I absolutely hated it when I worked in an office and people did this. It's fair enough if you agree to meet up outside of the office, but frankly if I'm on the phone trying to speak to a client, I don't want a crying baby in the background. Nor do I want to know how you've been filling your days with floating around doing nice stuff whilst I've been working my arse off doing my job plus half of yours in order to keep the job open if you decide to come back. My boss used to dread these visits too as it always pushed someone else's biological clock over the edge and into overdrive too. He actually took notes on who was holding the baby in order to make sure they were documenting their role!!!

Honestly, the best you can do is arrange a lunch/coffee outside of work for people to meet the baby if they want to.

LadyFlumpalot · 21/06/2011 19:05

Not allowed to in my office! I have been to see my team, but, I had to wait outside, in January, while everyone who wanted to see me trooped down one at a time just so the phones were not left unmanned Hmm.

Apparently it is too much of a health and safety hazard in my office to take a child into the building. Full Stop.

Was a bit of a PITA, but everyone seemed genuinely pleased to see me and DS.

WhoAteMySnickers · 21/06/2011 19:07

I couldn't and nobody does because I work in a prison.

But in my previous job it was the norm to meet outside of work for coffee, that way, those who were interested in seeing the baby could go and see it and I those who weren't really that interested didn't have to pretend to be so.

pointydog · 21/06/2011 19:14

In all the places I've worked, people brought in their babies in teh first two weeks. That's just what we did. Men and women.

pointydog · 21/06/2011 19:14

A colleague brought in his gorgeous baby yesterday in fact. Ahh.

Bunbaker · 21/06/2011 19:15

"in my current place of work it would be considered odd to bring in a baby from maternity leave,"

And where I work it would be considered odd if you didn't bring your new baby to work for everyone to coo over. We have a mixture of people of all ages where I work - some with no children, some with young children and some with older children, but they are always interested to see a new baby.

I work in an office, so it is totally acceptable to show off your new baby as long as you don't outstay your welcome by staying too long when there is work to do. I would add that on my section we all get on with each other really well.

sharbie · 21/06/2011 19:17

i wd go def - just to show willing and keep in the loop.

make it a shortish visit (during a nap wd be best) - and stay for a few mins quick coffee ask a few questions.
good luck.

harecare · 21/06/2011 19:18

After 6 months they probably don't need to see the baby, but arranging your contact days is a good idea. Aren't you allowed 10 days and it doesn't affect your maternity? Something like that.

DuelingFanjo · 21/06/2011 19:19

My son is 6 months and I have visited about 6 times. I am quite close to one workmate and she was very supportive through my fertility troubles.