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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at "nice little part time job" comments

23 replies

carocaro · 20/06/2011 08:56

DS2 starts school in September (older DS in year 4) and I am getting really fed up of people saying "oh you will be able to get yourself a nice little part time job like in a cafe of petrol station" when he starts. I have been a SAHM though choice and have kept my finger in my previous profession, it's the pre-disposed thought behind these comments that:-

A - I am a bit thick and will only be able to get some sort of "little job" as they put it, with their emphasis on the cafe/bar/petrol station from them as being a bit beneath and beyond them.

B- that being at SAHM makes you stupid and all your previous work skill etc has evaporated.

C - that they don't even think to ask that I have a brain or opinion on what I will be doing work wise come Sept

AND

D - they I must have no ambition or career path I want to follow as I chose to be a SAHM

And these are from women who work and are SAHM. And before some MN's pounce this is not a SAHM V. WORKING MUM debate or am I saying that jobs in petrol stations and cafes are crap/beneath mum (have worked in a cafes!).

What I am saying is the perception some women have of their own selves and capabilities and that of their peer group.

AIBU?

OP posts:

TrilllianAstra · 20/06/2011 08:59

A nice little part time job for some pin money.

What is pin money?

Original poster

carocaro · 20/06/2011 09:02

Pin money - no idea either?

OP posts:

WhatsWrongWithYou · 20/06/2011 09:05

Pin money.

dreamingbohemian · 20/06/2011 09:10

Of course you would also be doing it to 'get out of the house'

mrsscoob · 20/06/2011 09:11

Maybe they are assuming that you still want to keep your main role as being a SAHM and just want to make a little extra money now that the children are at school. I am in a similar position actually and I certainly don't have any doubts about myself or my capabilities, I just wanted a job for a few hours a week that would still enable me to do the school run and not have a horrendous commute, there is no way I could have this by going back into my previous career.

ImeldaM · 20/06/2011 09:15

They also seem to be assuming that you can 'afford' to not work, meaning you won't 'need' a career, 'proper job'. Its a very annoying attitude but best just to ignore, ignore, all the way.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/06/2011 09:15

Agree, caro.

It's a sad fact that our society doesn't value unpaid work, so if you've made a conscious decision to be a SAHM, lots of people can't quite get their heads around why and assume you are either too thick/lack ambition to do anything else.

The other thing, of course, is that being a SAHM often results in negative consequences career wise and for many it is virtually impossible to get back to where they were if they've been out for a while, which is why people suggest these kinds of jobs.

There is an assumption that once your child starts school, you will take any kind of job. I think that I've given up quite a bit to be a SAHM for my children and for my DH. When my youngest starts school I intend to get some payback and do all the stuff I've been unable to do so far, for me.

DrGruntFotter · 20/06/2011 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Gastonladybird · 20/06/2011 09:17

Yanbu but I do Disagree with b- no being sahm doesn't make you stupid but no matter how much you attempt to keep up with what is happening professionally when not working it's not the same as being at work and some adjustment/learning would
Be needed if you went back (that would apply to any extended leave of absence).

TrilllianAstra · 20/06/2011 09:21

So pin money is just for pins? For sewing? Not even nice things? Rubbish.

HappyMummyOfOne · 20/06/2011 09:25

If you have no young children to look after for the bulk of the day, its not unreasonable for people to think you may find a part time job or go volunteering.

I dont think its about assuming you need the money, they probably just dont see what you would do all day as housework doesnt take all day five days a week. or cant understand why you wouldnt want to contribute to finances instead of relying on another adult.

TimeWasting · 20/06/2011 09:31

Trills, but we love sewing! There's nothing more enchanting than spending hours darning my poor tired husbands socks.

ChaoticAngelofLitha · 20/06/2011 09:43

I find the term "a little job" patronising. It suggests, to me, that the job has no value.

doozle · 20/06/2011 09:50

I sort of know what you mean but think it's just one of those expressions really.

I have described my own job as a nice little part time job - even though it's not really a little job at all. Turn of phrase and all that.

But perhaps you're right and it does undermine it.

brass · 20/06/2011 09:50

I don't understand this either.

Apparently there are all these jobs which fit in to school hours and which match my college education and have any bearing on the profession I'm in.

Also the idea that if you've worked in a professional field before, now that you've had kids you'll want to start a home based business or work in a totally unrelated field!

Er NO. For some of us having waitress or volunteer work on our CV unrelated to our profession is just suicide.

The reality is short bursts of contract work which turn the family upside down, wreaking havoc on my life in particular as I end up with even more to juggle and less time to do it all in.

BupcakesandCunting · 20/06/2011 09:56

I DO find it patronising, even as someone who does have a "little job." (not in a cafe or petrol station, though )

I am volunteering in something related to my actual profession though, just to keep my finger in, as jobs in this field that fit in around my hours as a mother are like rocking horse shit.

I DO feel like screeching "I have a POST GRAD" at people who congratulate me on having a "little job".

PrettyCandles · 20/06/2011 10:00

I have a degree, and pre-dc I had a good job with a career path, which I willingly gave up to be a SAHM. My youngest goes to school in September, and I am really looking forward to finding "a nice little part-time job".

I am bored witless by being a SAHM. My one regret about giving up work completely is that I did not realise that I would find SAHM-hood unsatisfying. I wish I had kept part-time work.

I have no desire to return to my previous career, nor do I want to prioritise my career over being at home when my dc are at home. SAHM-hood is still important to me, but so is my own sanity. I don't need pin-money, we have a shared account and all our money is dh and mine equally, no matter which name is on the payslip. That's not to say a little extra would be unwelcome. It would give me a great deal of satisfaction to know that the extra earnings I brought into the family paid for a fancy holiday, or a new bathroom, say.

So don't patronise me by implying that I demean myself for wanting a nice little part-time job. I don't judge you for wanting something different.

brass · 20/06/2011 10:04

What's demeaning is assuming EVERY woman wants that once they've had children.

We're all committed to our families

The point is some of us would like to remain in our fields and find it nigh on impossible to find the hours that fit to enable us to do it.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/06/2011 10:13

I find it demeaning when other people assume I will be 'sponging' off my DH if I don't get a job as soon as my youngest starts school. It takes no account of what I have given up career wise in order to look after our children or the fact that my being at home is of great benefit to my DH, in that it gives him the freedom to work and not worry about everything else.

I don't pretend that I will be doing housework all day every day, but I am still making a valuable contribution to my family. It irritates me that some people think a contribution isn't valid unless it's financial.

In taking a low paid/low grade job outside of her chosen career field, the SAHM is having to continually pay the price of having decided to stay home and support her family in a non financial way (unless of course she wants a job of this kind).

ScarletOHaHa · 20/06/2011 10:13

If children are in full time employment that leaves plenty of free time for the SAHP and so it is a very different situation from looking after child(ren) all day. I have worked full time until recently and will find myself in this position in Sept. The problem is organising childcare, especially during holidays and last minute strike/inset days.

I think it is reasonable for people to comment on your new situation. The comment made are very old fashioned and I agree with points A to C. Point D - a lot of people feel compelled to make a specific choice; in my case FT employment. It is a choice though as is SAH.

redwineformethanks · 20/06/2011 10:13

YANBU If someone wants a very part time role, which by definition probably implies low salary, that's their choice but I agree the phrase is rather dismissive

I know someone whose DH suggested she might like a "little job" when her children were all at school and she deliberately pretended she'd thought he said "Would you like a little dog?" as she was not at all keen to go back to work. Next thing, they had a puppy, to the delight of my friend and her children, but perhaps not her DH!

GeekCool · 20/06/2011 10:13

YANBU, it's entirely patronising to say that because you have been a SAHM, a 'little part-time job' is what you should aspire to. It's almost saying don't get ideas above your station etc.

FruStefanLindman · 20/06/2011 10:23

"A nice little part time job for some pin money". . Quite, Trills.

A group of us were once talking about Community Police Support Officers and an annual salary of around £25K (OK for full time). One friend piped up with "oh I'd love a little job like that just to earn some pin money".

Not least of which there must be some element of personal risk doing a job like that, it was the £25K which she classified as pin money which sent me ballistic.

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