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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offended for being called a BBW

26 replies

Benandjerrys2011 · 19/06/2011 22:47

I'm a size 22 and I recently joined Plenty of fish dating site, I've had lots of mail calling me a BBW, had to google it to know what the terminology meant.
Big beautiful woman. AIBU to find this offensive I know I'm big but I don't want it pointed out in every message.

OP posts:
Alambil · 19/06/2011 22:49

yanbu

scurryfunge · 19/06/2011 22:51

YANBU.......I would rather be described in other ways -ie-intellect, charm, humour, etc.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 19/06/2011 22:52

The people that are saying it to you aren't trying to offend or upset you though, IYSWIM. They prefer bigger ladies and are saying that they find you beautiful.

Empusa · 19/06/2011 22:52

Not sure. On the one hand they are trying to compliment you, on the other, there is no need to reference your size.

But then PoF (IME) is full of perverts. So you are more likely to attract the BBW fetishist.

HowlingBitch · 19/06/2011 22:54

Men who use this term are also BBWs. Big Bloody Wankers.

shinydiscoball · 19/06/2011 22:57

YANBU at all. Out of curiosity though what made you choose Plenty of Fish? The reason I ask is that the people I know who have used it have found that it seems to be primarily for casual flings rather than actual dating....if that's what you're after then fair play to you, just letting you know ;)

lubeybooby · 19/06/2011 22:57

YANBU but I've been referred to as a BBW and I'm a 16. Even once when I was a 14/16 and I'm nicely in proportion hourglass shape. I think in the dating scene there will always be idiots who think it's some kind of compliment.

MeconiumHappens · 19/06/2011 23:01

YANBU, how rude. Plenty of fish does seem to be one of the worst dating sites though, prob better with something like match.com for a slightly less sleezy gene pool?

Original poster
Benandjerrys2011 · 19/06/2011 23:01

I thought maybe it was compliment but then one man messaged me and I was honest and said your too far to meet as he doesn't travel then abused me calling me a fat ugly cow :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Benandjerrys2011 · 19/06/2011 23:02

I thunk your right with it being the worse,maybe because it's free

OP posts:
Empusa · 19/06/2011 23:03

Yeah, seriously, PoF is like that. I made the mistake of joining once, and left pretty quickly. I'm not easily shocked, but some of the messages I got on there...!

OkCupid isn't too bad. I met DH on there.

Original poster
Benandjerrys2011 · 19/06/2011 23:04

I'll try ok Cupid and see what that's like. Cheers :)

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofLitha · 19/06/2011 23:04

Ignore him, he's an idiot. Try Smooch.com, another free site but better than PoF

Empusa · 19/06/2011 23:06

You'll still get some idiots on OkCupid, but at least the silly questionnaires will keep you amused.

Pumpernickel10 · 19/06/2011 23:07

My friend rates matchdot.com, it's not free but she said she's met some great men on there. Good luck op :)

ChaoticAngelofLitha · 19/06/2011 23:09

Grin You get idiots everywhere, unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a place we can send them to Wink

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 19/06/2011 23:12

Try somewhere else, friend of mine also uses match.com and has had success.

I wasn't trying to justify what they were saying by the way, just trying to put a different slant on it, that perhaps the messages were sent with a complimentary intent? Obviously the arsehole that insulted you has a small and probably warty penis and was gutted you wouldn't travel to meet said small and warty penis Grin

happyuk · 10/09/2011 21:21

Goodness me, what vitriol! When will you men-haters stop blaming men for everything that is wrong with your lives? I don't see what's so offensive about the BBW term. Unless you have better suggestions? Rubenesque? They have the same meaning and are intended as a compliment for the more well-endowed lady.

The term is subjective anyway, and can denote women who may be considered barely plump to those who are morbidly obese.

The main reason women are insecure about their weight is seldom down to chauvanistic men but primarily comments from spiteful bitchy women. Sisterhood indeed!

TrillianAstra · 10/09/2011 21:35

A dating site that costs money will weed out some of those who are just there to piss around.

YAB a bit U to feel insulted when someone compliments you on a feature you have told them about. If you had said that you liked mountain biking would you feel insulted if a guy said he liked women who are outdoorsy? If you had said you had long dark hair would you be insulted if he said he liked brunettes?

SuePurblybilt · 10/09/2011 21:37

Not sure why she'd join a dating site if she was a 'man-hater', happyuk Hmm.

forehead · 10/09/2011 21:40

YABU, they are trying to stress the fact that they appreciate your beauty.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 10/09/2011 21:41

You had to drag up an old thread to give us your words of wisdom happyuk Hmm

SuePurblybilt · 10/09/2011 21:42

Well spotted Chaotic, he's one of them then. Oh good, such fun Hmm

FourEyesGood · 10/09/2011 21:43

When I read the title of the thread, my sleep-deprived brain had a go at deciphering 'BBW' and came up with Big Bad Wolf. I need to go to bed.

TrillianAstra · 10/09/2011 21:50

Fucking fucking old thread. Fuckers.