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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I doing the wrong thing....saving for ds?

13 replies

MrsKravitz · 16/06/2011 20:40

I had ds when stepson was 10. He lives with his mother, her husband and his little brother. My husband and his ex divorced about 16 years ago. he is now in college and will finish soon. DH has always been involved and has always paid maintenance (private arrangement)

Anyway, since ds was born 7 years ago, I have been saving for him. Opened a baby account and put his christening gift from my parents and have been putting all birthday and xmas money as well as a monthly amount from my own wages/account into it. (I should mention dh and I dont have a joint account)

So the amount has been increasing and now dh is pissed off as he feels it is unfair that I am saving for ds. Is it? Confused

OP posts:
Callisto · 16/06/2011 20:43

I don't think it is unfair. Your son, your money, etc.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 16/06/2011 20:43

How bizarre - of course it's not unfair for you to save money for your DS. Is he implying that it's unfair because no-one has been saving for DSS? That's hardly your fault, is it?

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 16/06/2011 20:43

No not at all, if your dh wanted to save for your dss he had plenty of time to do it!

TidyDancer · 16/06/2011 20:44

You're absolutely not unreasonable! Is DH suggesting you should've been saving for his DS as well?

fluffles · 16/06/2011 20:48

do you mean your ss is finishing 'college' as in further/higher education? or do you mean sixth form?
[i get confused with english people calling the top bit of school college.. sorry]

if you mean sixth from then does dss have funds to go on to further/higher education?

imo going now is very different from how the financial situation will be in ten years time. even if both were birth sons of both of you, you'd NBU to be saving more for the younger one's education.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 16/06/2011 20:50

Dss is in a college course a year on from gcse's) and will not go into fe

OP posts:
diggingintheribs · 16/06/2011 20:54

I'm not sure I understand the problem but is he annoyed about the monthly saving?

I would be annoyed if DH was putting money aside for our kids without discussing it first. 2 reasons

  1. I don't want them to get their hands on a big wad of cash when they hit 16!!
  2. As a couple, I expect to know where the money is going, whoever earns it
Original poster
MrsKravitz · 16/06/2011 20:57

He has always known I save for ds. I dont have much of an idea where his money goes btw .

OP posts:
diggingintheribs · 16/06/2011 20:59

Ok - can't see his problem though!

diggingintheribs · 16/06/2011 20:59

sorry- not though, then!

olibeansmummy · 16/06/2011 21:03

YANBU. It's not your fault no one has bothered to save for your ss. And if it's entirely your money then it's up to you what you do with it. What does he want to do? Split the money or give ss a lump sum?

MorallyBankrupt · 16/06/2011 21:10

It depends how much we're talking. £20 a month so he has a few thousand come 18 or £200 a month so he could end up with a house deposit. I'm not sure I'd be thrilled if one of my DC had a tremendous amount more than the other, even though in this case I would accept it was my fault.

griphook · 16/06/2011 21:47

yanbu, you are doing the best for your child and if you dss parents haven't bothered to save up for their son however much they could afford a month that is their fault and not yours. Maybe you dh id feeling guilty but that shouldn't change what you do for ds

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