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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified some one can be so utterly thick?

32 replies

Amieesmum · 15/06/2011 18:21

Ok - tell me if i'm being totally unreasonable here, one of my mummy friends, is letting her 4yo dd play out the front of the house, in the street on her own? Is it just me, or is that remarkably young to be playing out? The parent in question is not exactly known for having and common sense!
It's not as if she doesn't have a garden or anything! The thought of it sends shivers down my spine!

My dd is nearly 7, and even if she didn't have SN i still wouldn't let her play out on her own yet, especially seeing as they live right next to a very busy street.

OP posts:
Portofino · 15/06/2011 18:24

I've let my 7 yo play out front for a couple of years now. BUT, we live in a cul-de-sac, I know all the neighbours, and I NEVER let her out there on her own. So I would say, on balance, YANBU.

TidyDancer · 15/06/2011 18:25

I wouldn't do it and DS is 5. So YANBU.

peanutbutterkid · 15/06/2011 18:27

Why don't you tell her about your concerns?

Awomancalledhorse · 15/06/2011 18:28

Depends where they live; quiet cul-de-sac I would have no problem. Busy main road & I wouldn't let them.

lesley33 · 15/06/2011 18:28

I am sure you will have lots of posters here agreeing with you. But what you derscribe would be common place in many other countries such as Germany and German parts of switzerland.

hugeleyoutnumbered · 15/06/2011 18:28

OP I completely agree with you one of my friends allows her 4yr old out to play, and thinks I am over protective because I don't.

PinotGrigiosKittens · 15/06/2011 18:29

YANBU - I have palpitations when mine are out the front and they're 8-11. I do fuss like a tart though.

ShatnersBassoon · 15/06/2011 18:30

If the scenario is so horrific you're shivering at the thought of it, why on earth aren't you telling this friend that what they're doing is wrong?

rooks14 · 15/06/2011 18:31

I agree with lesley33. I'm only 20 now, but when my dad had a job in holland we moved there when i was 4 and i used to go all day without seeing my mum and dad! When we moved back to south london when i was 8 i would never be allowed out on our busy street!

Completley depends on how old the other kids outside are, if they're a few years older and its a busy road i don't see the problem!

rooks14 · 15/06/2011 18:31

not a busy road i mean!

TattyDevine · 15/06/2011 18:31

I let my nearly-4 year old play out semi-supervised...that means me doing something to the grass or pottering around in the front but maybe also going round to the back to get a rake or some such.

Its not necessarily about being "thick" - presumably your friend has done a hazard/risk assessment in her head and concluded that its okay. Just because her conclusion is different to yours doesn't mean she is "thick".

Its really hard to tell without seeing her house and traffic etc.

NettoSuperstar · 15/06/2011 18:32

My DD was out the front at 4. It's normal where I live.

There's no road, and all the Mums are watching out, plus we have an open door policy.
She roams the estate now she's 9, and has been walking to school without me for 3 years.

usualsuspect · 15/06/2011 18:32

4 is a bit too young ,but 7 is fine

pink4ever · 15/06/2011 18:33

I let mine out(8 and 4) and have done for the past couple of years. We have a big green patch in front of our house and a whole load of kids play there. They know not to dare go anywhere else(though am considering letting my eldest go to the local park).
So yes YABU imo.

Portofino · 15/06/2011 18:46

On her own though, pink4ever....?

sparkle12mar08 · 15/06/2011 18:48

I let my 3 and 5 year olds play out on our drive and the head of our cul-de-sac whilst I potter in and out, e.g. gardening at front or washing dishes (kitchen at front, can see them through the window). It's twice as far from the kitchen to the back garden than it is from the kitchen to the front door and I have a line of sight about 90% of the time and they are within ear shot at all times. However we are four single houses at the end of a cul-de-sac which is in turn off a cul-de-sac.

x2boys · 15/06/2011 18:50

i,m very over protective of my two dont even like my 4 yo playing in the communal garden of the flat we live in without me or my dh being there he does play out at his cousins a few minutes away but in an enclosed communal space and dh says he is on tenterhooks all the time each to their own but children are so precious

JiltedJohnsJulie · 15/06/2011 18:52

Is it a cul-de-sac or a busy road? Are there other children there? Can she see her DS?

BarbarianMum · 15/06/2011 19:12

My 5 year old and 3 year old are allowed to play in the front garden and are only semi-supervised whilst doing it (front door is open with me checking every few minutes, tho can usually hear them).

What you are describing was common in the UK 30 years ago and is still common in many countries today. IMO you should mind your own business.

bruffin · 15/06/2011 19:21

We live in a quiet culture de sac. Most of the dcs in the road played out at 4 including my dcs.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 15/06/2011 19:28

What is the set up?

Do you live on the A11?
Are you next to a canal or fast flowing river?

Do people use your road as a cut through and drive at 70mph?

Is the four year old turfed out whilst mummy has a gin in the back garden?

Is the four year old on her own or with other children?

Does mum keep and eye on her through the window?
Do the other parents keep an eye out?

We really need more details before we can decide if your friend is thick or if you are just trying to impose your values on someone else.

peggotty · 15/06/2011 19:29

Lol at Bruffin's typo 'culture de sac'! Are they all out there practising their Latin and wine tasting! I agree that it's dependant on what the street set up is like. I'm lucky to live on a quiet cul de sac too and plan to let ds play out without me next summer when hes 4.5 (with his sister who'll be 7.5 and loads of other kids).

unfitmother · 15/06/2011 19:29

YABU to be so derogatory about a so-called friend.
WTF is a 'mummy friend'?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 15/06/2011 19:30

'children are so precious'

What does that mean in this context? Really?

Do you think that children who are allowed to play out are NOT precious to their parents?

Haudyerwheesht · 15/06/2011 19:30

What are you worried about? I wouldn't do it (ds is 4) as we live on top of a hill on a corner and the roads too dangerous. To say it sends shivers down your spine is very over the top and I will let ds play out when he is 7 I would have thought.

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