To wonder if I need to get a grip

[SlightlyJaded]

I have just spent a good 5 minutes weighing up the pros and cons of leaving a small window in our loft extension open. Pros: we get some fresh air but more importantly, all the highly poisonous toxins that MIGHT get into our house tonight - carbon monoxide, random nuclear gasses etc, can circulate and escape through the window thus saving us all from silent death. Cons: a very small serial killer could get up 2 ladders, squeeze in and slay us all in our beds.

Having decided to close it, I then had to shut the lids of the toilets so as to prevent a highly deadly snake, smuggled into the country by a local resident and currently lost in the sewage system, from slithering out to bite us while we sleep.

And finally I checked in the childrens beds to make sure they hadn't accidently fallen asleep with a pair if scissors under the duvet

This is an average night's pre-bed checlklistI.

Is it just me? Am I completely off my rocker? Please say it isn't so.

When DH is working away (a couple of nights a week) I have to lock the front door at tea-time, close all the windows before dusk no matter what and once the DDs are in bed the dog has to cross his legs until morning. To be fair the DDs have Asperger's and don't go to sleep til after midnight.

There is always a knife wielding lunatic wandering around the landing when my electric toothbrush is buzzing and the slightest settlement creak is always an intruder.

I have to check the DDs every night anyway in case their iPod headphone wires get wrapped around their necks and strangle them.

I think I can remain rational about toilet snakes though

Does that make me more or less bonkers than you?

what about poisonous gases that could get in the house if you leave the window open?

or if the house catches fire and the smoke can't escape? You'll suffocate!

decisions decisions...

actually, rats can come up through the toilet bowl and into the house, so you're probably right to leave the lid down. In addition, it's supposed to be bad feng shui.

Are you on glue?

You forgot to worry about the foxes. You must always worry about foxes. They may one day develop the ability to levitate, and if you have left the DCs bedroom window open...well, that's just asking for it.

you are a complete nutcase.

I only lock the front door, but that's because it's almost rotten and always sleep with a window open (on night-lock) ... couldn't sleep without a window open!

Where the bloody hell do you live?

It does certainly sound dangerous. Leave the lid Down large poisonous snakes love a nice loo.

I don't worry about tiny serial killers myself.

although - thinking about it - i'm sure if the snake was a large enough variety it might be powerful enough to push the toilet seat lid open and slither out anyway. probably best get a padlock for the toilet, just in case!