when the doorbell goes I hide behind the sofa wearing ...

[BelovedCunt]

a replica kate middleton wedding dress and muttering 'i do believe in fairies, i do ido'

I hide behind the sofa wearing a top hat and tails, and proceed to instruct my mouse army on what to do if the nasty outsider tries to breach our defences.

when the phones goes, i faint - i should unplug it but don't know how

This is how i look at the moment on my computer....

DPs boxers and a string vest.

i adjust my anti macassars, KNOWINg a baddie wont get me

Where does the doorbell actually go?

....and i don't know how to upgrade it....